Maternity Leave — A Personal Experience (x2)

Today my blog post is a little more personal, but I felt the need to voice some of what other working moms may experience as well.

Being a mom is one of the greatest joys of my life. We now have two boys, and until last month they were “two under two”.? Yes, I know, we have been busy over here. Although extremely rewarding, motherhood is also filled with pressure, guilt, and judgment from every direction. Sure, a lot is not intended to hurt, but it is hard to ignore all of the messages that society throws your way in the wake of postpartum.

As I find myself on my second maternity leave, I see how different of a person I am today from the one who was stepping into this for the first time two years ago.?

Overall, this was a very different experience. During my first maternity leave, I completely turned off work. I needed to, because I had no idea what I was doing. I also wanted to, because I wanted to do the best job. And I felt pressure to because that’s just what everyone thinks you are supposed to do.?

This time, I took a slightly different approach and was a bit more involved with work. Not because anyone had asked a single thing from me, but because I wanted to. I decided what I wanted to get involved with and check in on. And that freedom is what’s liberating and made any involvement I had during maternity leave not feel like work.

So many people say that new moms should accept help and go do something for themselves. But what they don’t realize is that doing something for themselves could go beyond getting a massage, nails done or going shopping. For some, this could look like doing the work they love, that makes them feel challenged and fulfilled. When we encourage moms to do something they love, what’s wrong with them loving their work?

As an example, for me, that included joining our Kauffman Fellows module 3 virtually just a week after Lucca (baby #2) was born. Sure, there were sessions I didn’t attend, and my camera was off most of the time, but that opportunity to learn was actually something I was doing for me and my growth… something I love! Don’t get me wrong, I wanted the massages, the nails, the two hours of doing nothing too… but at times, I also wanted to meet with founders, help my portfolio companies, and discuss our firm’s 2023 strategy.

My point in all of this is that, of course, I felt judgments. Rolling eyes or questions on “why are you doing xxx?”. I understand, though, because I judged others before being a mom, too. Once I had a female founder who took only two weeks of maternity leave, and I thought she was crazy. It was her third child, and she was totally fine with it. Now I can better appreciate that she knew her family situation, her baby needs and felt comfortable with that. And that’s all that matters.?

So my challenge to everyone is to give mothers some grace. They might know what they need to fill their cup and be the best version of themselves in every arena.?

While I’m thankful for a new perspective and for giving myself permission to do things differently this time, I have to admit that I also experienced some guilt. This time it was not so much child guilt, because I was still the one with my baby 90% of the time, but guilt for the fear of setting the wrong precedent to the next generation of moms around me. I didn’t want to model the idea that you have to stay involved with work during maternity leave, because you really should not have to. I hope people take the full time available to them like I did. But, in the end, I want to model that any mom should do whatever they wish with their maternity leave, by owning their decisions and what works for them.

Maternity leave is a time for you to connect with your baby AND to “re-learn” yourself. With every child, there is a new version of you that is born, and gradually learning who that is by testing new boundaries is also something important to start while on leave.