A Matchmaker's Perspective: The Biggest Problem with Dating Apps

Let's face it: as more research is published that shows the biggest problems with dating apps, it's no wonder so many singles think that online dating sucks. Really, can you blame them? Dating apps have been linked to a plethora of negative psychological effects like depression, anxiety, and even addiction.

Long gone are the days when dating apps were a very niche, unconventional way to meet other singles. In fact, just last year in 2023, around 60 million Americans admitted to using dating apps. It's no secret that online dating is the dominant player right now in the dating scene, however, we're seeing a shift in the dating scene away from fast-paced connections and robotic algorithms to more meaningful, mindful dating methods.

Dating apps may still be on top right now, but as more singles become disillusioned with the true motivations, pitfalls, and long-term consequences of dating apps and online dating, we expect to see a significant shift away from virtual dating in the next decade. Read on for a breakdown of the biggest problem with dating apps, and the unique issues men and women face with online dating.?

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What is the Biggest Problem with Dating Apps?

The biggest problem with dating apps is prioritizing profit over people. My other top contenders are that dating apps are not secure and have frequent issues with data mining and selling, and the sheer volume of spam and bot accounts on these platforms.

As part of my profession as a Matchmaker, I've researched this question for about two decades. Most of my clients join LUMA after having been on dating apps for years with little to no success, and they're burnt out of swiping, matching, and DM'ing. Per my personal experience working with clients and the research I've conducted, these are my top three issues with dating apps.

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1. Created with Profit, Not People In Mind

Like any business, dating apps are designed with the primary goal of turning a profit. There's nothing morally wrong about wanting to make money from your business, right? Probably not, as long as you're delivering your promises to your customers. Unfortunately, dating apps don't.

One of the ways dating apps generate revenue is by keeping users on their platforms. Their stock value is determined in part by the number of active users on the app, so it actually hurts their business model when members find a relationship and delete their profile! By keeping people single and continuously showing them potential matches to lure them away from ever “settling”, they maintain their recurring revenue.

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2. Member Data Mining, Selling, and No Cybersecurity

So we know that dating apps are designed to keep people desperately hooked on swiping and liking new matches instead of really connecting with any one person. Another reason dating apps want users to spend as much time on the app as possible is to collect data, which can be used for targeted ads and improving engagement. Tons of websites use cookies to track data, but dating apps really take it to the extreme.

In fact, Grindr was caught selling off very personal information about their members, including their exact location! It's also estimated that 80% of the most popular dating apps may share your personal details with unauthorized third parties, and 52% of all dating apps have little to no cybersecurity in place to protect user information.

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3. Fake Accounts, Bots, and The Dead Internet Theory

Have you ever heard of the Dead Internet Theory? Well, the reality may not be too far removed from this theory. It's estimated that over 30% of dating app users will encounter a bot at least once in their search for love and that bot accounts make up 10% of all dating app profiles! Similarly, current data shows that around 54% of all online dating scams occur on dating apps.

This means that if you frequently use online dating sites and apps, you face a significant risk of being targeted by a catfish, bot, or other date scammer. It's so unfortunate, but we all likely know someone who's been a victim of date scamming, date scamming is becoming even more common.?

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Why are Dating Apps Hard for Men?

It's well known that dating apps are hard for men, some of the biggest reasons being that men must initiate conversations and are forced to pay for higher membership tiers.

One quick search for this on Reddit and you'll find thousands of posts from men detailing their struggle to even get a single match on dating apps. It's even been argued that there's "no hope for men on dating apps". Although it's well documented that both men and women face issues with online dating, unfortunately, dating apps and online dating are uniquely challenging for men.?

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1. Men are Forced to Pay-to-Play

Men receive significantly fewer matches than women across all dating apps and platforms. On average, women receive five times more matches per day than men do!?Because women receive significantly more matches than men, dating app shareholders and developers count on men paying for “exclusive” features like super likes and profile boosts.

Dating apps essentially frustrate men into buying into the paid part of their dating model. Yet, despite paying exorbitant amounts for these like and profile-boosting features, most men fail to see real results from paid features.?

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2. Men Have to Start the Conversation

For hundreds of years, men have been expected to make the first move. Though some people would still consider this chivalrous, the modern dating scene begs us to reconsider this norm... Unless that is, we're referring to conversations on dating apps. Attractive women are bombarded by messages every single day, so they aren't motivated to reach out to any of their matches first.

If a man wants to have even the slightest chance of scoring a date, he'll have to be the one initiating the conversation.?Men know that there’s tough competition on dating apps; in fact, over 60% of active users are men!?Men often have to spend hours perfecting their profiles, pictures, and opening messages, and usually see very little return for all their efforts.

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3. Men are The Biggest Targets for Date Scammers

Unfortunately, all of the struggles men face on dating apps compound with interest. Because they are less likely to receive matches, have to initiate conversation, and the tough competition, men are the prime targets for most dating scams and catfish accounts.

Online scammers and predators know that men have it most difficult on dating apps and prey on deep insecurities and desires. When an account featuring a beautiful woman messages a man, of course, he’s likely to overlook any red flags. He’s gone months without a single message.

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Why are Dating Apps Hard for Women?

Yes, dating apps are hard for women, too! Women are forced to be extra picky, face constant harassment by their matches, and actually see less long-term success from dating apps than men do.

Unfortunately, the risks associated with using dating apps are exponentially more insidious for women than for men. We know that dating apps aren't doing enough to keep their members safe, and women face much higher rates of abuse and assault from their matches than men do. Yet, the unique issues women face in online dating aren't as widely discussed as the issues men face

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1. Forced to be Hyper Selective

With literally hundreds of cases of women being sexually assaulted and abused by their dating app matches, it's no wonder that they've had to become more selective. Recent studies show that women only swipe right 30% of the time on dating apps, and reject about 80% of male profiles they see.

Sure, women are picky about physical traits and compatibility, but they also have to be confident that if their dating app date goes wrong, their match won't try to harm them. Because of this forced hyper-selectiveness, women actually have a smaller pool of possible matches than men do and have a harder time building trust and connection with their matches.

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2. Constant Harassment and Unwanted Attention

It isn't exactly breaking news that women face cat-calling, sexual harassment, and even threats when they aren't interested in dating a particular guy. The internet only compounds this issue, because, for some reason, we forget to behave when we're behind a computer screen. As such, women face a disproportionate amount of inappropriate messages and harassment from their online matches.

Nearly 57% of women report being harassed on dates, with 42% saying they were pressured for sex. This includes everything from unwanted, explicit pictures, feeling cornered or trapped during in-person dates, and even cases of sexual abuse. All of these instances make navigating online dating extremely tricky for women, with so many feeling unsafe to even meet their matches in person.

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3. Dating Burnout and Fatigue

Because women receive so many messages and likes, it's common for them to face decision paralysis and dating fatigue. Seriously, how do you even begin to try to get to know 100+ people at the same time? Thus, most of their messages are either left unread or deleted, and the amount of missed opportunities begins to pile up and lead to stress.

Women face higher rates of dating burnout and fatigue than men also in part due to hookup culture. Sure, there are plenty of men who use dating apps to find committed relationships, but with the constant barrage of matches and messages, it's difficult for women to sort through which of their matches are serious about getting serious.

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Looking for Better Ways to Date?

While dating apps once opened up a world of opportunities for meeting new people, current research suggests that online dating might be doing more harm than good. From my personal experience, I've seen firsthand how many singles are frustrated, burnt out, and fatigued from endless swiping, shallow connections, and the hidden agendas behind these platforms.

The good news is that singles are beginning to recognize these issues, and there's a shift happening right now in the dating scene. As more people delete their dating app profiles, they're seeking deeper, more meaningful ways to find love. Ultimately, love isn’t about swiping right or optimizing yourself for an algorithm; it's about real, genuine, imperfect human connection.

If you're tired of endlessly swiping, being ghosted, and shallow connections that go nowhere, it's time for a different approach: LUMA Luxury Matchmaking.

Our LUMA Love Method was designed to ensure each of our clients receives their best possible matches, with no algorithms involved! Our expert Matchmakers will work with you one-on-one to understand your relationship goals, handpick your best matches, and arrange meaningful introductions.

It's time to stop wasting time on apps that don’t prioritize your happiness and start investing in a lasting, fulfilling relationship. Complete your LUMA profile and schedule a call with your Matchmaker today to get started!