Mastery Moment: Making the Ask

“If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place.” ~ Nora Roberts

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate yourself on the skill of?asking for what you want from friends, family, your partner /?spouse, your kids, your boss, or your clients? A few days ago I did an informal Facebook poll and got responses that ranged from 1 to 10 and everywhere in between. Where do you fall on that spectrum?

For most of us, the answer varies?depending on the situation. It may be easy to ask your kids for what you want, but difficult to ask your spouse. Or you may find it easy as pie to ask your spouse for what you want and need, but not your boss or colleagues.

The skill of asking for what you want is a big key on the keyring of a?happy?and fulfilling life, yet so many of us just plain stink?at it. Here are four ways to get better at asking for what you want.?

Start Small

Like any skill, repeated practice makes it easier so look for small ways to ask for something other than what's being offered. Restaurants are a great place to practice. As the host walks you to your table simply?say, "We'd like to sit?at a different table.?How about that one over there?"

Or in a coffee shop, bakery, hair salon, dry cleaner or anywhere else you frequent,?ask for something unusual they may or may not have. Asking for things not offered is an easy way to practice making your desires?a high priority.

Detach (In Two Ways!)

Although an?ask and a?response are completely separate from one another, it's easy to attach them together;?you don't ask because you don't believe you'll get the answer you want.?Detach?the two concepts?from each other, by remembering?they're completely independent of each other and also?detach yourself from the outcome of the ask.

You ALWAYS have the right to ASK for anything you want, and the other party has the right to choose their response. The answer might be no or it might be yes, but as in the Nora Roberts quote above,?the answer is always no unless you ask.?Risking hearing?NO is the only way to get to YES.

Be Specific

If you go to a?restaurant and a waiter asks you what you'd like, would you say, "Please bring me?a meal" or would you tell him specifically what food to bring? That sounds funny but failing to be specific in your ask is just like asking for "a meal" at a restaurant. Because the person on the receiving end of the ask has no direction, they have?no way to fulfill your request without asking for more?information.?

Being?specific in your ask gives full context takes away the extra effort of thinking for them. Being specific also?allows people to understand what they are?saying yes or no to. For example,?"Our non-profit raises money to rescue puppies from puppy mills; will?you donate ten dollars today to help save some puppies?"?is very different from,?"Our non-profit benefits?puppies, would you?like to support us?"?

Share the Reason?

You never have to?justify?wanting?something, however it can become easier to ask for what you want if you share your?reason for asking. Let's say you want to spend more time with your teenage kids. Saying,"You're always with your friends and you're never home!?We'd like to see you more often"?may be the truth, however what if you let your kids know the heart behind the asking??

What if you said,?"We know you like hanging with your friends however you're going to be leaving for college next year and we'll miss being able to see you every day. We love you so much and it would make us so happy to spend more time with you before you go."?In personal situations, sharing the reason for the ask often helps change the dynamic and the perspective of the person you're asking, which can influence the outcome. What opportunities will you seize this week to make your desires a higher priority by ASKING for what you want?

Health and Ar?te,

Monica??

PS: Message me "TEAM" for info on group coaching for your team and "MOMENTUM" to be invited to my free monthly Momentum Meetup self-mastery Zoom!

Monica Ricci?spent 20 years as an organizing and productivity consultant, speaker and trainer. Today she?coaches busy professionals and business teams, replacing unproductive habits with powerful ones so they can create the life and business they desire and deserve. Monica enjoys learning, baseball, travel and high quality butter.?