MasterMind VSL ?? 7 DAY COUNTDOWN - MY #SETBACKS & #COMEBACKS / DAY - 4 / NO. 4 : DEALING WITH THE AFTERMATH OF AN ABUSIVE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP

This article takes a deeper dive into my personal journey. It's part of a series of 6 major SETBACKS and COMEBACKS.

If you can make it to the end of this marathon you're likely NOT in the SLOW READERS CLUB.

Should you make it to the conclusion, you'll find out why this is the best time to be alive in human history and why opportunities FOR WEALTH CREATION are ABUNDENT.

Frankly this is the ONE COMEBACK that I'm most proud of because I have been informed by narcissistic abuse recovery experts that the bounceback I have achieved is testimony to my MASSIVE...WAIT FOR IT, NO not CoJoNES...even though NASA can likely see them from Space...

RESILIENCE

Social media tends to polarise. Life is a personal journey and this episode is a key element of who I am and my ability to continue the growth journey that I believe we are all on this planet to experience.

I acknowledge that some LinkedIn crew members will not "get it" and that's ok.

By being VULNERABLE and AUTHENTIC we will magnetise our TRIBE, which in my case I accept will very likely be a small minority of the people and conversely we will repel the people that just DON'T GET US.

And thats ok.

Social media is POLARISING.

Guess what ? LIFE IS POLARISING

When I go down to Guadalmina Alta (near San Pedro de Alcantara) after penning this missive and stand in the beautifully appointed new bar, Los Amigos, some of the punters will get my VIBE and some will NOT.

And that's ok too. I'm a loquacious Irishman (passport in transit) and a lot of people in Spain think I talk too fast. And to date my attempts to learn the language have been suboptimal, "que"?

However, I did learn German at the age of 38 yo (including getting an A in the high school GCSE) - one thing I know for sure is that if you're studying and absorbing lots of new words and phrases your mind meeds to be agile and attentive.

When you have read this article you will hopefully understand that it's taken a few years before I could navigate to 'calmer waters' and move past the "fallout" from the experience related here.

1 HEALING : EVER BEEN EXPOSED TO NARCISSISTIC ABUSE? SOME STUFF YOU NEED TO KNOW TO HEAL

I’ve been on a HEALING journey for nearly 4 years - sounds like a long time?

In the 1970s the prevailing wisdom would’ve likely amounted to :

1 MAN UP?

2 Get over yourself?

3 Drink a couple bottles BOURBON ???

Ronnell Richards

- apologies Bro I know you’ve got the LinkedIn MONOPOLY on Bourbon, just let me know the license fee?!

Thankfully we live in more ENLIGHTENED times.

As far back as the late summer of 2020 I reached out on Instagram to Danish at @narcabusecoach and after generously giving me nearly an hour of his time, he reassuringly informed me that I was literally (his words)

“making a miraculous recovery”

considering the 8 years of narc abuse I endured.

Now don’t get me wrong.

This is NOT about self-pity b/c rather like anger I see it as a borderline useless if not USELESS emotion.

What I had to do was figure out the WHY.

WHY I allowed myself to be disrespected FOR SO MANY YEARS.

Why I continued to show DEEP LOVE to someone who was literally killing me slowly (sometimes quite quickly actually).

Luckily we have the INTERNET in this day and age and I was able to connect with the phenomenal? Tracey Gillies and Greg Gillies

Just so you know, as a double act or individually this pair are unparalleled b/c of the excellence that they have nurtured, by going deep into places “no man has gone before” - very STAR TRECK!

BUT no need for “inter galactic transport” albeit it’s possible @tracey can connect with and tap into energy sources that scientists can’t yet fathom.

And that experience helped me MASSIVELY on the journey.

The stupid (doh ??) thing about my experience is that I worked with 3x (very different) narcissistic bosses in my 20 year City career and should’ve easily spotted the NARC RED FLAGS ?? (see section 2)

But as they say “LOVE IS BLIND”.

My point:?

IF YOU ‘ve been on the wrong end of narcissistic abuse:

1 take 100% ownership - as architect and Producer of YOUR OWN LIFE.

2 DIG DEEP preferably with @tracey and/or @greg or alternatively for a more MVP ($less expensive) option Danish ???

3 COMMIT to the necessary changes - better boundaries, essentially LOOKIN’ AFTER NUMBER ONE - cheers

Bob Geldof?of Live Aid and Boomtown Rats frontman incidentally my idol age 14yo.

Isn't it ironic that a now gobby Irishman (me) was a teenage fan of a, well, gobby Irishman.

@Bob, you told me to look after NO. 1 in 1978, I just didn’t bloody listen, or I allowed my extreme empathy to over-ride the brilliant advice articulated in this legendary track ???

So there you have it.

REMEMBER: you’re NOT ALONE?

Don’t get me wrong, my EXTREME EMPATHETIC nature has been massively helpful in PRIVATE EQUITY - networking, negotiating and especially FACILITATING (solving differences/tactical diplomacy) when deals go off track, as they almost always do with too many ALPHA egos in the room.

Makes me a massive OUTLIER in a good way in the PE world ?? which is loaded with ALPHA and selfish souls.

Btw my extreme empathetic nature was also enhanced massively by a childhood of obsessive football ?? and cricket ?? participation - aha “never had a girlfriend” type 'sports obsession'!

So I’m an OUTLIER in PE as a TRUSTED team-player - massively under-evaluated (see notes ??)

2 THE NARCISSISTIC RED FLAGS ???

A super smart buddy of mine who is deep-in RIGHT NOW writing a revolutionary BLOCKCHAIN DAO (Decentralised Autonomous Organisation) WHITE PAPER (akin to the Prospectus for a listed company) wants me to write a book about NARCISSISM.

He’s shocked by the experiences that I have related to him.

Having written a book ?? already…

a business book, a playbook for capital creation :?

Wrestling With Unicorns?

my sense is that once that’s published (later in 2023), my thoughts will turn to a NEW and exciting creative project…

scripting a movie ???

Believe me, I have enough material for a TRILOGY!

Making a movie is an incredibly powerful way to touch people’s SOUL and a to be a catalyst for changing society.

Think how Kramer v Kramer ?? (IDMB) changed societies attitudes to divorce back in the day.

That’s IMPACT?

And NARCISSISM is on the rise.

Yet people are blissfully UNAWARE of its dangers.

And narcissists are incredibly MANIPULATIVE?

So they ?? BLINDSIDE all and sundry?

even convincing law makers that they’re THE VICTIM

KNOWING this NARCISSISTIC RED FLAG ?? 'MO' “stuff” may literally SAVE YOUR SOUL?

Examples included on the graphic (see title page above).?

Here’s some classics ???

1 love-bombing : it feels great: but it’s only temporary. A toxic MO to lull you in to a false sense of security, opening you up to sharing “secrets” to be used against you in future;

2 unapologetic - its never their fault;

3 unwilling to acknowledge the need to change : "take me the way I am";

4 crazy-making - denying something that obviously happened, or saying they’ll do one thing but doing another & making out you’re “over-reacting” to that disingenuity;

5 “dumping” their vulnerabilities on you so that it becomes your fault they don’t feel good about something;

6 making you feel embarrassed about vulnerabilities you have shared ‘in good faith’;

7 gas-lighting: where a partner does something abusive but denies it ever happened, or materially “twists” the facts of ‘their version of what happened’ leaving the abused partner “reeling”, questioning their perception of reality;

8 Playing the victim : clue “abusers” (being toxic) will have multiple “victim stories”.

Most genuine “victims” only go through this ONCE…

b/c they learn the red flags ??

If this sh*t is ringing alotta bells, ‘get outta there’ before IT ?? destroys you!

TOXICITY is surprisingly addictive when it’s served with a cocktail of LOVE and SEX, however flawed and INCONSISTENT either become.

If you're an extreme empath as I am, you’ll likely still be telling yourself THE STORY that it’ll ALL END HAPPILY?

SPOILER: NOTHING ENDS HAPPILY with a narcissist.

READ THAT AGAIN?

What’s this got to do with business?

It’s ONE MORE THING that I survived and crucially bounced back from to form my new consultancy business...

I HELP founders and entrepreneurs facing the literal SPANISH INQUISITION (Monty Python) :

capital raising meeting with investors

TO PREPARE their Investor Pitchdeck, financial projections and data room

To TRANSFORM DAUNTED C-SUITE EXECUTIVES into

UNDAUNTED C-SUITE EXECUTIVES

And this represents a MASSIVE COMEBACK from a "dark place" in the Summer of 2019 when my narc ran for the hills because I was facing a financial tsunami

THIS IS WHY I'M UNDAUNTABLE

B/c when you’ve bounced back from LOSING the ‘so-called’ “love of your life”?

NOTHING scares you

NOTHING scares ME.

Well, ok?

Sara Schulting Kranz

there is that friend ?? of yours…

BUT, other than SHARKS

NOTHING DAUNTS ME

And it powers my soul to continue striving to reach for the TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN?

To continue serving entrepreneurs of HIGHLY INNOVATIVE companies

Because if you're NOT running a highly innovative company in 2023, you're planning for FAILURE

It's the most exciting time to be alive in human history.

The rate of technological advancement is EXPONENTIAL

Granted there's a major economic storm ongoing.

But recession always begets OPPORTUNITY. READ THAT AGAIN.

THE UNPRECEDENTED inflexion of a recession coupled with the SEISMIC DISRUPTION literally UBIQUITIOUS -

surrounding us in every sector and every geography

the FOURTH INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION

Excerpt from the World Economic Forum (WEF) :

A fusion of technologies that's blurring the lines between the physical, digital and biological spheres.

The speed of the current breakthroughs has no historical precedent - the 4th IR is evolving at an EXPONENTIAL pace unlike the linear pace of previous IRs.

Moreover the 4th IR is disrupting almost every industry in every country.

The possibilities of billions of people connected by mobile devices, with unprecedented processing power, storage capacity, and access to knowledge, are unlimited. And these possibilities will be multiplied by emerging technology breakthroughs in fields such as artificial intelligence, robotics, the Internet of Things, autonomous vehicles, 3-D printing, nanotechnology, biotechnology, materials science, energy storage, and quantum computing.

Already, artificial intelligence is all around us, from self-driving cars and drones to virtual assistants and software that translate or invest. Impressive progress has been made in AI in recent years, driven by exponential increases in computing power and by the availability of vast amounts of data, from software used to discover new drugs to algorithms used to predict our cultural interests.

Digital fabrication technologies, meanwhile, are interacting with the biological world on a daily basis. Engineers, designers, and architects are combining computational design, additive manufacturing, materials engineering, and synthetic biology to pioneer a symbiosis between microorganisms, our bodies, the products we consume, and even the buildings we inhabit. (End of WEF excerpt).

So there you have it : I AM SUPER GRATEFUL to be ALIVE at this time with 30 years of accumulated and highly relevant

AND SUCCESSFUL PRIVATE EQUITY, PRIVATE CREDIT, FINANCING SOURCING AND NEGOTIATING PLUS SUCCESSFUL STARTUP PROMOTING experience

WHICH I CAN NOW LEVERAGE to assist

HIGHLY DISRUPTIVE companies, particularly in software, blockchain, Metaverse, gaming OR INDEED ANYTHING ELSE THAT IS HIGHLY INNOVATIVE

ACCESS INTELLIGENT CAPITAL enabling them to

ACCELERATE GROWTH, smash their audacious goals and create

MASSIVE INCREMENTAL ENTERPRISE VALUE

meantime saving my clients literally YEARS OF THEIR LIVES.

PRICELESS.

The companies eschewing INNOVATION ostensibly PLAYING IT SAFE are of ZERO INTEREST because counter intuitively their INERTIA (resistance to change) represents a LIKELY FATAL AND MASSIVE RISK.

Over and out.

Answers on a postcard Babyboomers.

Use the notes to comment GenXers.

#management #scaleups #privateequity