Mastering Your Feelings
The Liberating Power of Perfect Detachment
Have you ever been upset by something that someone said about you? Have you ever felt angry because of someone’s unkind or callous remarks? Are you easily upset by other people’s comments?
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
—Khalil Gibran
Most of us feel that it’s completely natural to be upset by any unkind or unmerited remark. Just ask any married couple! But there’s a much deeper issue to consider whilst we’re nursing our wounded pride or reacting to someone’s lack of tact or kindness.
Why do we react in this way?
Part of the problem is the way we’re conditioned as children. The early origins of these emotional habits can be traced to the way we learned to respond to our parents’ behaviour.
We were taught, for example, that we can influence our parents’ feelings. “You’ll upset your mother.†“You’ll make your father angry.†“You’re just making me mad!â€
We soon learn to accept the concept that we can make people feel things through our words and actions. So – it’s entirely natural that we believe that other people can make us feel things too.
But it that strictly true?
When we analyse what happens during these emotional exchanges, we can identify a precise moment that separates whatever’s happening from the emotional reaction we generate.
That moment provides a powerful insight into the nature of our conditioned reflexes. When you learn to hold onto that precious moment, you can extend it and pause for a little longer. This creates the essential space for you to consider whatever’s being said but from a purely objective perspective.
This fractional moment of inner reflection is where you can decide how you wish to react.
He who smiles rather than rages, is always the stronger.
—Japanese proverb
If, for example, someone said that your hair was an awful shade of green – and your hair certainly wasn’t any shade of green! – you’d know that their statement was completely wrong. In fact, you’d wonder what could possibly be wrong about the person that could make them offer such a weird and obviously untrue statement.
At the moment when the comment was made, you were able to check the facts and conclude that the statement was wildly inaccurate. Easy, yes?
However, things can get a little more complicated when people make unkind assertions about your character or your personality. This is where you might check your internal reference list of good and bad qualities – and agree with them!
This is the moment of realisation: if the statement isn’t true, it reveals far more about the person making the comment than it can ever say about you.
And if the statement is correct, why be upset about something that’s true? If you don’t like acknowledging your faults or shortcomings, take steps to improve or remove them. Simple, yes?
Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business.
—Norman Vincent Peale
The purpose of this suggestion is to encourage you to get to know yourself more thoroughly. Then, you can learn to make better choices when people make comments about you. That fractional moment is the key to checking your old, negative reactions and choosing exactly how you want to feel. And behave.
Ultimately, you’re responsible for what you choose to feel, think, say and do. By learning to distance yourself from your old, knee-jerk reactions, you can engage an incredibly powerful mechanism for change in your life. You can create a wonderful sense of distance between all the clamouring events that compete for your attention and energy. You can learn to let go of all those years of conditioned fears, anxieties and insecurities.
You can create space to enjoy a happier, more creative, more centered and more successful you. And that’s the you who’s been waiting to express themselves for most of your life.
Our mission and our motivation at The Wellness Foundation is to help you achieve your goals, fulfil your dreams and help you realise your ambitions. If you found this suggestion helpful and recognise the advantages of taking control of how you think and feel, take the opportunity to share this post and encourage your family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances to harness their potential for a better and more successful way of experiencing life.
It’s our intention to be a positive force for change in the world. Let’s help everyone to rise above their limitations and enjoy greater levels of freedom, happiness, inner calm and success in all areas of their lives.
Together, we really can make the world a better place.
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