Mastering Worry and Anxiety: The Power of the Circle of Control

When you look around and listen to the news there is so much conflict going on in the world, so much hardship, so many natural disasters, so much negativity that it can threaten to overwhelm us. I thought I would write this newsletter for those of you out there who are struggling with this right now.?

It can be hard to stay optimistic and cheerful because so much of what is going on around us is out of our control. And it can leave us feeling hopeless and powerless.

What can you do?

If you’re feeling some degree of overwhelm in the face of all this then I have a tool that may help. Give it a try.?

Look at the diagram below, this is the ‘Circle of Control’.?

Get a pen and paper and work through the following:

1.???? Make a list of all the things that worry you, that keep you up at night. Yes, all of them. Even your crooked teeth or other seemingly small things. Write them all down.

2.???? Think of the first thing on your list that worries you, that keeps you up at night.?

3.???? Then decide where it is on this diagram.? Is it within your control?? In your sphere of influence? Out of your control?

If it’s within your circle of control

You can learn to live with it and adapt.?

You can do something about it now or plan steps in the future to change it.

You need to know that there will be very little you can truly control.? It’s the same for all of us.? But, and this is a big BUT, in the centre of the inner circle lie your thoughts, your actions, your reactions, your self care.? And you can control these.? And this is a huge help.?

If you look after yourself and manage your emotions well, you can cope with pretty much anything.? If you are not good at managing your emotions, often get swept away by them or overwhelmed or suffer from anxiety then get help from a professional who can teach you how to do this ?– bring it into your circle of control.

A little further out in that inner circle is your environment.? So, you can make your bedroom nice to sleep in, make sure you have good food in the cupboard to eat, choose when and how you drink alcohol, choose who you spend time with.? Although the world may feel pretty out of control at the moment you can elicit some control for yourself.

Think about what you can control now and how you may be able to change your thoughts, behaviours, reactions, etc.

Write it down.

If it’s within your circle of influence

The next circle is your sphere of influence.? You can’t control anything in this area but you can perhaps persuade or influence change.? So, in this area would lie partners, friends, colleagues and their behaviours.? You can ask them to behave differently, set boundaries, spend less/more time with them but you can’t actually control them. And trying to do so will only cause conflict and unhappiness – and waste a lot of your energy.

A little further out on this circle is world affairs.? So you can make sure you use your vote, lobby your MP if there is something you feel strongly about, make sure you are personally doing what you can for the environment etc.?

if it’s within your influence set the intention to do what you can.?

Write it down.

If it’s in the out of control area

My guess is that most of your worries and concerns, the things keeping you up at night will be in the ‘out of control’ area.? We mostly feel stressed when we feel out of control.?

First of all accept the reality that those things are out of your control and begin to think about letting go of the anxiety around them. Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t be concerned about world affairs, the effects of natural disasters but think ‘Can I do anything about this now?’? Maybe there isn’t anything you can physically do but maybe you could, for example, donate to a disaster fund. Then you are inching it into your circle of influence and gaining some peace of mind.?

If the answer is ‘No’, then cultivate a way of letting go of the worry.? Reassure yourself that you have done what you can and that you can do no more, but you can be mindful that if things change you may be able to.? You are now back in your sphere of control because you are managing your thoughts and feelings about this. ?

Now go to the list of things you have written down that you can do.? Decide what and when you will start with.? You may only take baby steps to begin with, but even having a list of the things you can do will help take your anxiety and stress levels down and make you realise you are not as powerless as you may have believed.?

I appreciate that one of the hardest things is to stop wasting your energy on things outside your control and use your energy to change the things you can.? Mindfulness meditation can help, as can reaching out to a professional for help or a friend for advice if things are becoming overwhelming for you and causing you great anxiety.?

Be patient with yourself, worry is a habit and it’s may take time to change, but it can be done.

The world is in turmoil, there are a lot of bad and sad things happening right now and they will continue to happen but always remember, there are a lot of very lovely things happening, very many good people doing good things.? . Never lose sight of that.? You look after you and look after your loved ones and do what you can for the rest.?