Mastering Self-Dialogue: The Key to Effective Self-Management in a Competitive Workplace

For the last 11 years in the recruitment industry and four years as an attorney, I've witnessed my fair share of interpersonal conflicts, struggles, and even lousy blood among former colleagues (i.e., throwing tantrums, slamming doors, hanging up the phone on you, arguing and fighting with you over money despite many years of friendship, refusing to communicate in a mature and professional manner, etc.).

Although I've had to navigate these tensions and the usual corporate nuances while getting my job done, I have to admit -- I don’t enjoy any of it.

In today’s results-driven corporate culture, competitiveness is not just encouraged; it’s expected. Those who rise above the rest are the ones who get rewarded. This is the harsh reality of the business world. Someone else will assert themselves over you if you don't assert yourself. I've learned this lesson the hard way. Kindness in the workplace is a noble ideal, but it often gets challenged and undermined by the cold realities of human nature -- self-serving tendencies that sometimes exploit kindness.

Everyone wants to win, so even if you’re on good terms with your colleagues, it’s rare for anyone to reveal their true feelings at work fully. This self-serving nature of business creates distant interpersonal relationships and sometimes encourages manipulative behavior and predatory business practices (which I will write an article about from a legal standpoint).

This environment, where unchecked behaviors can foster selfishness and even greed, only further exacerbates the issue. So, how do we change our mindset to avoid burnout when dealing with so many different and sometimes aggressive perspectives?

Over the years, I’ve realized that always trying to assert my opinion over others doesn’t necessarily lead to winning or feeling better. When conflict arises, no one comes out feeling good. It’s not that I’m incapable of confrontation -- I’ve just grown tired and burned out from it.

The solution I’ve found to bring peace to myself while continuing my work, especially when disagreements arise, is to start by assuming the other person’s point of view is valid. I tell myself, "Okay, maybe they have a point. Let’s hear it out without judgment." Step one is unconditionally accepting the other’s perspective and simply listening.

Next, once I’ve acknowledged that their perspective has merit, I express my opinion. This approach works better than confrontation because the other person feels heard, making them more likely to listen to me in return.

No two people think alike -- we’re all independent, autonomous individuals. The key isn’t to dominate others or dismiss their perspectives entirely. Doing so not only denies their existence, but it’s also rude, disrespectful, unprofessional, and frankly, immature.

Instead, we should recognize that conflict usually means both parties are not entirely correct, and a gap in understanding needs to be bridged. Accepting this reality is a sign of maturity and is crucial to maintaining a harmonious workplace.

If your internal dialogue constantly complains and blames others, you’re placing yourself in a victim’s mindset. The real suffering comes not to those who see conflict as part of a communication process but to those who dwell in negativity.

Embracing the mindset that "I might be wrong, and you might be right" can significantly ease conflict in any business setting.

When I began adopting this approach, I found that, in many instances, I changed my perspective entirely and accepted my colleague's suggestions, recognizing that their ideas were often better than mine. This fosters a win-win situation and strengthens collaboration and mutual trust.

If you can shift your internal dialogue in this direction, you’ll likely find others’ attitudes toward you changing over time.

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