Mastering the Science of Persuasion

Common sense dictates that finding a middle ground, a "win-win" position where both sides agree, was the key to successful bargaining for many years. However, what if this method is truly wrong? What if, against common sense, the way to better results is not to compromise but to accept the strength of "no"?

We need to look into the world of hostage negotiations, where life and death are at stake, to understand this paradox. A former FBI hostage negotiator named Chris Voss, who wrote the book "Never Split the Difference," spent years perfecting skills that could make or break a hostage's life. It is especially important for people who want a smooth sales process to read his book, which talks about emotional intelligence and how to use it in business and in everyday life. What links the dangerous world of hostage negotiations to the more ordinary world of business deals?

The answer lies in understanding how people make choices. Nobel laureates Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky, whose work has shown that people are not as logical as standard economic theory thought they were. It's actually pretty easy to tell when we're not thinking straight because our emotions and cognitive flaws affect us. We often don't want to win more than we want to lose because of these attitudes.

This is where saying "no" is useful. In his book Never Split the Difference, Chris Voss says that "no" is the most important word because it lets us know what they really want. That makes them feel better, and then we can start the real bargaining. By letting the other person say "no," we make them feel safe and in charge, which makes them more open to our ideas.

You can use this concept in many situations, not just at the talking table. Think about privacy. As we progress in this era of interconnected technology, the risks are increasing. In 2021, ransomware attacked the Colonial Pipeline, a major fuel pipeline in the United States. At first, the company thought about paying the fee to get back to work quickly. But safety experts usually say not to do this because it can make hacks more likely.

When a ransomware victim discovers hackers, ransomware negotiators may advise them. Suppose they are, mediators might talk to the threat group instead of the company that was attacked to find out which group did it and try to lower the ransom demand. By negotiating for a long time, negotiators may also be able to buy time for the target group.

This method is similar to the ideas in "Never Split the Difference." Organisations can often get better results by not giving in to demands right away but instead starting a conversation. They could get more time to improve their defences, figure out who's attacking, or come up with other options.

A new group of businesspeople in Africa are using these advanced communication skills to navigate the complex world of international business. Take the case of Paystack a Nigerian fintech company that was bought by Stripe in 2020 for more than $200 million. The founders' ability to articulate their contributions and maintain their strength during negotiations enabled this significant deal.

These stories make us question what we think we know about how power works in talks. Most of the time, we think that the person or group with more money or a better place in the market has all the power. Voss's methods, on the other hand, show that real power in negotiations comes from knowing how people think and feel.

From the point of view of author Chris Voss, using logical tools and methods is not the best way to negotiate. To be successful, especially in very risky talks, you need effective empathy, which he calls "emotional intelligence on steroids." This idea of practical empathy being able to understand and use other people's emotions may be the most illogical but most useful tool a negotiator has.

When dealing with things like foreign business deals and hacking problems, our world is getting more complicated and linked. "Never Split the Difference" gives us a new way to think about how to get outstanding results. They tell us that people with feelings, fears, and wants are at the centre of every discussion, whether it's in a Lagos Internet café or a high-stakes office.