Mastering Conflict Management as a Product Manager: Applying the Thomas-Kilmann Model to Stakeholders and Scrum Teams

Conflict is inevitable in any professional setting, and product management is no exception. The ability to navigate conflicts effectively can define the success or failure of a product manager (PM). As a Product Owner at ArisGlobal and with my entrepreneurial journey at HealthyWE.in, I have encountered various conflict scenarios. My Executive MBA at Institute of Product Leadership has further expanded my understanding of strategic conflict resolution, particularly through the Thomas-Kilmann model.

This article will explore how product managers can use the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model to identify their own conflict management style, map stakeholders and Scrum team members to these styles, and adjust their approach to achieve optimal outcomes. I will also share insights from my interactions with senior leaders in the industry and lessons from my MBA journey.

Understanding the Thomas-Kilmann Model

The Thomas-Kilmann model identifies five primary conflict resolution styles:

1. Competing (Assertive and Uncooperative)
2. Collaborating (Assertive and Cooperative)
3. Compromising (Moderate Assertiveness and Cooperation)
4. Avoiding (Unassertive and Uncooperative)
5. Accommodating (Unassertive and Cooperative)

1. Competing: Winning the Battle, But at What Cost?

"In business, as in life, you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate." – Chester Karrass

Identifying Stakeholders in the Competing Mode

Some stakeholders, particularly senior executives or competitive sales teams, may adopt a competing style. They focus on their priorities and are less concerned about collaboration.

How to Deal with Competing Stakeholders?

• Use data-driven arguments to validate your stance.
• Appeal to their goals while ensuring your product roadmap remains intact.
• Know when to push back and when to concede to avoid unnecessary friction.

2. Collaborating: The Win-Win Approach

"Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much." – Helen Keller

Identifying Collaborating Stakeholders

Collaborators are ideal partners, usually found in cross-functional leadership roles. They seek mutual benefit and encourage innovation.

How to Encourage Collaboration?

• Facilitate structured brainstorming sessions.
• Encourage open communication and active listening.
• Align shared goals and celebrate joint successes.

3. Compromising: The Middle Ground

"A good compromise is when both parties are dissatisfied." – Larry David

When to Use Compromising?

Compromising works well in high-stakes situations where speed matters more than perfection. Scrum teams often need to compromise on features or timelines.

Tactics for Effective Compromise:

• Set clear priorities on non-negotiables.
• Ensure both parties give and take equally.
• Document trade-offs for future reference.

4. Avoiding: The Silent Treatment Approach

"The greatest remedy for anger is delay." – Seneca

Avoiding in Scrum Teams

Sometimes, avoiding conflict can be beneficial, especially in early-stage disagreements that may resolve themselves. However, long-term avoidance can erode trust.

When and How to Use Avoidance Strategically?

• Delay discussions if emotions are running high.
• Let minor conflicts dissipate on their own.
• Address critical issues proactively to prevent escalation.

5. Accommodating: Yielding for the Greater Good

"It takes humility to seek feedback. It takes wisdom to understand it, analyze it, and appropriately act on it." – Stephen R. Covey

Accommodating as a Product Manager

Many product managers, including myself, have defaulted to an accommodating style. While it fosters goodwill, overuse can lead to being perceived as ineffective.

Balancing Accommodation with Assertiveness:

• Use accommodation selectively, when stakes are low.
• Ensure your voice is heard in critical discussions.
• Set boundaries to maintain respect and credibility.

Mapping Scrum Teams and Stakeholders to the Thomas-Kilmann Model

Understanding how different stakeholders and team members fit within this model can enhance collaboration.

How a Product Manager Can Adapt Their Conflict Management Style

1. Self-Assessment

Reflecting on my own journey, I identified my predominant style as accommodating. Over time, I have learned to adopt a more assertive, collaborative, and strategic approach.

2. Flexibility Based on Outcomes

• Use competing when advocating for non-negotiable priorities.
• Collaborate to foster innovation and buy-in.
• Compromise when quick decisions are needed.
• Avoid only when necessary to let minor issues resolve.
• Accommodate when relationships matter more than the specific outcome.

Lessons from Senior Industry Leaders

Through my Executive MBA, I have engaged with senior leaders who emphasize that mastering conflict resolution is a cornerstone of leadership. One of the key takeaways from these discussions has been the importance of emotional intelligence in managing conflicts effectively. Many senior leaders have shared that the ability to read a situation, understand underlying motivations, and respond strategically is what separates great leaders from good ones.

Another crucial lesson is that conflict should not be avoided but rather seen as an opportunity for growth and innovation. Several leaders emphasized that some of the best product ideas and business strategies arise from structured disagreements where diverse perspectives are challenged and refined.

Additionally, learning to reframe conflicts positively can transform the way teams function. Instead of viewing a disagreement as a hurdle, seeing it as a chance to align expectations, clarify goals, and strengthen relationships can lead to more effective collaboration. Leaders in various industries have also pointed out that being proactive in conflict management through clear communication and expectation-setting can prevent unnecessary misunderstandings and tensions.

Lastly, the most seasoned leaders advocate for self-awareness and adaptability. They encourage continuously assessing one’s conflict resolution style and being willing to adjust it based on the situation. By mastering these skills, product managers can not only drive successful outcomes but also cultivate a team culture that embraces healthy, productive debates.

Final Thoughts: Conflict as a Growth Opportunity

Conflict isn’t inherently negative, it is a catalyst for change and innovation. By leveraging the Thomas-Kilmann model, product managers can navigate conflicts strategically and drive impactful decisions.

PS: Thank you Heera Ganjikota for introducing me to this.

What conflict management style resonates with you the most? Let’s continue the discussion in the comments.