Mastering the Art of Patience

Patience isn’t a singular skill.?

Patience is multifaceted, and over the years, we learn the different forms it takes: the patience to work hard to get what we want, the patience to stick with something challenging, the patience to learn and become better over time. Right now, I’m learning the patience to listen, thanks in large part to my 12-year-old daughter, Evelyn.?

Raising children is a crash course in all kinds of patience — a gift that does not come naturally to me. Instead, I must work at it, and I have had some excellent mentors guide me along the way — notably Steve Wallenhaupt, the former chief medical officer at Novant Health. He knows how to listen like no one else I’ve ever known. He could be in the middle of a Category 5 emergency and still make you feel as though you were the most important person in front of him. He always gave me his time and attention without distraction, and it was powerful. I felt heard. I felt understood. I felt respected.?

So, before I go any further, thank you, Steve, for showing me not only what patient listening looks like, but how impactful it can be.?

These days, Evelyn is giving me lots of opportunities to practice this skill. She wants to talk to me, which is a gift, and she’s at the stage of life when everything — and I do mean?everything?— is hugely, massively important. There is always a lot to discuss, and every story is a detailed full-length retelling. As a parent, I hear these stories and can quickly weed out the trivial from the meaningful. But it’s not my job to judge. Right now, for my daughter at this moment in time, it’s my job to listen.?

It sounds so simple, but I assure you, it is not. Remember, patience is not one of my gifts, so I work at it, every day. Evelyn will climb into the car after school and launch into a lengthy and (for me) relatively anticlimactic retelling of her day. My gut reaction is to tell her she’s sweating the small stuff, none of this will matter by the time she wakes up in the morning, and she’s letting other people occupy space in her mind they don’t deserve. Instead, I listen, creating a safe space for her thoughts and perspectives. And it’s the best thing I can do. Evelyn gets to feel heard, no matter what she has to say, and I get to learn so much more about her life, her thoughts and her dreams.

I have seen patient listening create the same impact in the workplace. When you (really) listen to what your team members have to say, you give them the confidence to offer up new ideas. You make them feel valued. They become more engaged in their work, and the organization benefits as a whole.?

The benefits don’t stop there. Throughout my experience with Charlotte Ballet’s Dancing with the Stars Gala, I practiced patience. I was blessed with a fabulous partner, Maurice Mouzon Jr., and when I listened to him — instead of focusing on my feet, my form or my other insecurities — the result was so much better. I could move in ways I never thought possible, and in the end, we put on an incredible performance and earned the People’s Choice Award.

Given my recent experiences, I’m committing to more patience as we move through the rest of this year — both with others and with myself. I’ve already seen the impact with Evelyn, with my work and with my dancing. And I want to see what else is possible when I bring more patience into my work and my life.?

Now I want to hear from you: When have you benefited from the patience of others??