Mastering the Art of Leadership Conversations: Balancing Diplomacy, Candour, and Accountability

Communication is at the heart of all businesses and all relationships. It's fundamental to building trust and relationships and building motivated and engaged teams who will go over and beyond to deliver exceptional results. In my opinion, the lack of effective communication causes more problems in business, and life in general, than anything else. (read my previous article)

Navigating the balance between supporting and challenging a team is one of the most fascinating paradoxes of leadership. Lean too much into diplomacy and you might be seen as too soft; focus too much on candour and you risk being perceived as harsh.

In my coaching and leadership development work, I see leaders grappling with this constantly. Some naturally lean towards encouragement and support, while others instinctively hold people to account. However, the real magic happens when they learn to do both.

Truly effective communication isn’t just about what you say, it’s also about how it’s received. The way you balance diplomacy and candour is deeply influenced by your belief system.

If you believe support means doling out huge amounts of sympathy, solely giving encouragement, avoiding tough conversations or wrapping the message up so it can be heard in a nice way, you might struggle with accountability. If you believe directness as the only way to get results, you could unintentionally create fear rather than trust. And let’s be honest, many leadership fears also come into play here. The fear of being too soft. The fear of being disliked. The fear of confrontation. The fear of damaging relationships. These fears drive the communication habits we develop, often without us realising.

The key to unlocking high-impact leadership? Understanding where you naturally lean and intentionally developing the balance that makes communication truly effective.

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Understanding the Paradoxes

Two key paradoxes often trip up leaders in communication. Many leaders believe that the behaviours they value are strengths, which they absolutely can be, unless they’re overused, used in isolation, or become habitual. This can then create blind spots that hinder effective leadership.

Harrison Assessments highlights how truly effective leadership traits are paradoxical, where two seemingly opposing qualities, when balanced, foster leadership excellence.

The real magic happens when you learn to use both behaviours in a synergistic and complementary way. This enables you to consciously choose which behaviour to apply in any given situation, rather than relying on the same behaviour out of habit and getting the same result each time.

Two of the twelve paradoxes that relate to communication are here.

? Coaching Mindset (Warmth & Empathy vs. Enforcing)

In the example above, this Leader is highly supportive, however does not enjoy and shies away from enforcing necessary rules and setting expectations. So the behaviour the team typically experience from them is permissiveness. However, when the Leader is highly stressed then the Leader behaviour flips to Harsh. Imagine working in this environment!

I’ve worked with leaders who are brilliant at supporting their people, they check in often, offer encouragement, and provide resources. However, some of them struggle with the enforcing side, holding their team accountable for delivering results. This often sounds like: ?? "I don’t want to micromanage, so I give them space, but then they don’t deliver and I end up doing it myself."

On the other hand, I’ve seen leaders who are excellent at enforcing, they set clear expectations and follow up rigorously, but they sometimes forget the human element. This can sound like: ?? "I don’t have time to hand-hold. They should just get on with it."

A balance enables leaders to provide guidance while ensuring accountability, leading to a culture of growth and responsibility.

Coaching Mindset Quadrants

?? High Support, Low Accountability = Permissive (Over-Nurturing)

?? Leader Behaviour: Constant encouragement, lots of check-ins and avoiding difficult conversations especially about performance.

?? Team feels like: “They really care about me, but I’m not sure what’s expected of me and I don't know how I'm doing.”

?? Unintended consequence: Team members become complacent or confused about priorities, leading to underperformance.

?? Low Support, Low Accountability = Cool Permissiveness (Avoidant Leadership)

?? Leader Behaviour: Rarely checks in, avoids difficult conversations and doesn’t follow up on commitments. Appears like they don't care, might isolate themselves.

?? Team feels like: “I’m left to figure things out on my own and no one seems to care.”

?? Unintended consequence: A disengaged team with little direction, leading to low morale and poor results. Frustration and overwhelm.

?? Low Support, High Accountability = Harsh (Harsh Leadership)

?? Leader Behaviour: Focuses heavily on results, gives direction and feedback without support and can come across as overly critical. No empathy or rapport building.

?? Team feels like: “I’m constantly under pressure, and mistakes aren’t tolerated.”

?? Unintended consequence: A fear-driven culture where people hesitate to take risks or innovate or are constantly asking for permission.

?? High Support, High Accountability = Compassionate Enforcing (Empowering Leadership)

?? Leader Behaviour: Provides guidance, sets clear expectations and offers both encouragement, clear direction and constructive feedback whilst building relationships and rapport.

?? Team feels like: “I feel stretched but supported, I know what’s expected and have the resources to succeed.”

? Consequence: A highly engaged, motivated and high-performing team.

? Radical Candour (Frankness vs. Diplomacy)

In this example above, the Leader has a strength in both behavioural traits so their communication style will be experienced as a combination of both, or Forthright Diplomacy. Because both traits are balanced the team will also not experience a change in behaviour from their Leader when stressed. A much nicer and more consistent place to be in.

Providing honest communication and feedback is one of the biggest struggles I see in leadership. Some leaders hold back because they don’t want to upset their team, saying things like: ?? "I didn’t want to demotivate them, so I softened my communication / feedback."

Others go the opposite way, delivering the message too bluntly. They often say: ?? "I just tell it like it is. If they can’t take it, that’s their problem."

Both ways in isolation can cause disengagement. The best leaders find a way to be both direct and considerate, offering honesty wrapped in care.

Radical Candour Quadrants

?? High Frankness, Low Diplomacy = Blunt (Blunt Directness)

?? Leader Behaviour: Speaks the truth but without much consideration for how it lands, often coming across as harsh. Calls a spade a spade.

?? Team feels like: “I know where I stand, but I feel like I’m being attacked rather than supported.”

?? Unintended consequence: People may shut down, become defensive, or avoid asking for feedback.

?? Low Frankness, Low Diplomacy = Avoids Communication (Avoiding Conflict)

?? Leader Behaviour: Avoids communicating and giving feedback, lets issues fester and hopes problems resolve themselves. Hides.

?? Team feels like: “I don’t know if I’m doing well or not, I just have to guess.”

?? Unintended consequence: Poor performance lingers, and resentment builds when issues are finally addressed.

?? Low Frankness, High Diplomacy = Evasive (Overly Softened Communication and Feedback)

?? Leader Behaviour: Highly tactful. Sugarcoats communication to avoid hurting feelings, leading to vague or ineffective guidance.

?? Team feels like: “I get told I’m doing well, but then I don’t get that promotion / bonus (insert any other reward), I wish I knew what to improve.”

?? Unintended consequence: Employees feel misled or blindsided when performance issues eventually surface.

?? High Frankness, High Diplomacy = Forthright Diplomacy (Radical Candour)

?? Leader Behaviour: Gives clear, honest communication and feedback while also showing care and respect. Ensures the message is clear, consistent and constructive.

?? Team feels like: “I know exactly what I need to improve and I trust that my leader wants me to succeed.”

? Consequence: A culture of open communication and continuous improvement.

So how do you find the right balance? Here are two powerful ways to help.

1. The ‘Coach & Challenge’ self-reflection:

Look at the two Paradoxes above. For each paradox reflect on ...

Step 1: Which quadrants do you tend to hang out in more often? Is this through habit or choice? Choose which trait resonates with you more in your current leadership style.

Step 2: Write down an example where this trait helped you succeed as a leader.

Step 3: Reflect on the belief you hold about this trait and whether it has served you well or if it may have limited your leadership effectiveness in certain situations.

Step 4: What impact is focussing solely on this trait having on you, your business or team?

Step 5: Now, consider how you might become even more effective by using a more balanced approach to these traits. What is one thing you could do?

2. The ‘SBI Feedback Model’ (Situation-Behaviour-Impact) can help when giving feedback.

When giving feedback, follow this formula:

?? Situation – Describe the context.

?? Behaviour – Focus on what the person did (not personality).

?? Impact – Explain the result of their actions.

This keeps feedback clear, objective, and constructive.

For example, instead of saying, 'You’re not a team player, you talk over people in meetings'

Try: 'In yesterday’s meeting (Situation), you interrupted others several times (Behaviour), which made it hard for the team to contribute (Impact).'"

You could then build by using a coaching approach and asking, "Next time, what could you do differently to ensure others also have a chance to contribute?

This builds awareness and ownership of changing behaviours. Of course, remember to give the positive feedback when you observe them practising this.

Coaching Questions for your Self-Reflection

1. When was the last time you felt your team was truly engaged and motivated? What balance of support and accountability did you strike at that moment, and how did it impact the outcome?
2. Think about a recent feedback conversation you had, did you lean more towards frankness or diplomacy? How did the recipient react and what might you do differently to ensure your feedback is both honest and constructive?
3. In what situations do you tend to avoid holding others accountable, and what’s the underlying reason? How might addressing this resistance improve the growth and performance of your team?

Drop a comment below, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Striking the right balance between coaching and accountability or candour and diplomacy is what differentiates great leaders from the rest.

If you’re unsure where you stand, the Harrison Assessment can provide an objective view of your natural tendencies, blind spots and how you react under work related stress and pressure across 12 Leadership Paradoxes. I can then help you to uncover the beliefs and mindsets that might be getting in your way currently and more importantly how to overcome them to develop Paradoxical balance and Leadership communication magic.

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I'm Chrissie and I talk about Leadership Coaching and Development and Organisational Behavioural Analytics. I empower high achieving results driven business owners and leaders to create great employee experiences, realise their potential and grow their business?results

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