Mastering the Art of Effective Questioning and Active Listening

by Tony Colangelo

January 16, 2024?

Definition and Benefits of the Effective Questioning and Active Listening Method:

The most significant benefit of taking the time to Master this communication process is that you can leverage this method to maximize every interaction you have in your daily business life. This method can improve your effectiveness in various settings, such as team building, problem-solving, and creating new business opportunities when interacting with colleagues, team members, and clients. Over my many years coaching executives on how to use the Effective Questioning and Active Listening method, one key aspect is often misunderstood: To succeed, you must Master this process as a "natural conversational flow" to ensure others do not perceive it as an insincere technique. To do this effectively, you must start with a "genuine interest in seeking to understand" someone's point of view, opportunity, or problem. This approach builds trust within the conversation and encourages individuals to open up for deep and constructive dialogue. Below is a definition of these two powerful communication methods that, when combined, will significantly increase successful outcomes in all your business interactions.

Effective Questioning?is a process used to gather information, clarify issues, and gain insights. It involves asking open-ended and probing questions that encourage discussion and exploration. It aims to uncover any underlying problems or needs, identify opportunities for improvement, and build rapport with teams, colleagues, and clients.

Active Listening?is a process that dramatically enhances our conversation comprehension when integrated with Effective Questioning. It involves fully concentrating on, understanding, responding to, and recalling what the other person is saying. Active Listening is a critical skill in business to foster clear communication, quickly build trust and rapport, and minimize misunderstandings. This process requires you to pay attention to both the words and body language, tone of voice, and other nonverbal cues. The result is a better understanding of the other person's needs, concerns, and perspectives to attain "win-win" outcomes.

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood" Stephen Covey

Combining Effective Questioning With Active Listening -?is one of the most potent ways to increase your business communication skills. To become proficient in this process, you must develop both of these skills to a high level. Developing a confident, genuine, and natural approach is essential. A best practice is to work with a mentor or an executive coach to role-play scenarios, which will help you build competency and fluency. Avoid the common trap of focusing too closely on memorizing a step-by-step technique, which, in the end, comes off as robotic and inauthentic. In this article, I outline the eight essential process elements to help you Master this method in an authentic, natural, and powerful way.

What is the ROI of using Effective Questioning and Active Listening:

Effective Questioning and Active Listening skills yield significant ROI by helping you gain deeper insights to improve business processes, close business opportunities, and increase team effectiveness. Another significant ROI of using this process is increased employee engagement and retention. When leaders ask thoughtful, Effective Questions and Actively Listen to their team's perspectives, they make them feel valued and inspire them to perform at a higher level.

The 8 Key Elements of the Effective Questioning & Active Listening Method:

1. Seek First To Understand -?Build trust quickly in conversations by showing others you genuinely care and want to understand the issue, problem, or opportunity.?This approach allows you to take the time to build trust before digging too deep. Always use phrasing that shows empathy and treats people with respect. Develop your conversation objective in advance with a design to achieve a "win-win" outcome. Consider what level of detail you seek and how much you are willing to share in return. A best practice is to declare to all at the beginning of a conversation that you plan to capture critical points by (writing or typing) them and ask if they are okay with that; this allows them to decline should they feel uncomfortable due to the confidentiality of the topic. Remember, curiosity and a genuine desire to learn and understand fuel a productive conversation.

2. Leave Your Biases and Judgments at the Door -?Another critical element to Mastering this communication method is developing a high level of self-awareness to prevent you from telegraphing any subconscious biases. Focus on what the person is trying to convey versus processing whether it aligns with your thinking. This element is difficult to Master as you need to overcome our natural way of communicating, which is often judgment-based. Typically, when a person speaks, and before we respond, our subconscious mind makes personal judgments on how "what we heard" aligns with our existing point of view, and, therefore, we tend to make a biased response. Effective Questioning and Active Listening require us to work on "muting our subconscious biases" and focus entirely on understanding the other person's perspectives, even if they conflict with our own. This approach will convey genuine respect for the other person's opinions and help prevent either party from getting defensive or argumentative. Remember, the end goal of using this process is to help us better understand each other's perspectives to drive "win-win" outcomes.

3. Show Versatility When Phrasing Questions?- Whenever possible, research in advance the dominant communication traits of the individual you will be meeting, i.e., are they a person who likes facts and figures, do they prefer direct-to-the-point conversations, do they communicate with enthusiasm and stories or do they mostly speak in terms of team-orientation? Understanding their dominant communication traits will help you prepare questions that increase their engagement.?

4. Sequence Your Questions, Start With the Positive, and Be Prepared To Change Course-?Avoid the urge to dive into specific questions you want answered quickly in a conversation. When we move too fast to hard-hitting questions, we unintentionally create barriers to trust, and this approach "fails almost every time." To develop trust in a discussion, sequence your questions to move from the "general to the specific." allowing time for everyone to feel comfortable. Start with general positive questions about the situation, problem, or opportunity. This process puts individuals at ease and quickly uncovers their high-level perspectives, allowing you to edit and sequence questions to meet the conversation objectives.

5. Effectively Using Open-Ended and Probing Questions -?Asking open-ended questions encourages the person you speak with to provide more detailed and thoughtful answers. This process invites comprehensive responses rather than eliciting yes or no answers, allowing you to understand their perspectives more thoroughly. These questions typically begin with words like "what," "how," or "why." An example is, "What areas of the project are going well?" Once trust is established in a conversation, you can ask more detailed probing questions. However, it is essential to be mindful of the timing and phrasing of probing questions to avoid making the other person feel interrogated. An example of a probing question is, "What impact are the project delays having on the overall program?" When positioned correctly, these questions are the heart of "Mastering this communication method," allowing you to get to the root of an issue or problem and uncover any obstacles or barriers they face. Discovering organizational/team perspectives and the individual's viewpoint is essential in most conversations. A simple method of gaining personal perspectives is to add the phrase "How do you feel about..." to any question, allowing the responder to provide their personal view of the situation.

"I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn, I must do it by listening" Larry King

6. Engage in Active Listening -?Effective Questioning is of limited value unless combined with the art of Active Listening, which involves paying close attention to how others communicate verbally and non-verbally. After you pose questions, listen fully and attentively to their answer (lean in with your body language to show interest). Active Listening values others' input and encourages them to share more. Stay "present" throughout the conversation and maintain eye contact to demonstrate that you are listening. Avoid interrupting their flow (as they say, let them empty their tank) and stay focused on understanding their point of view. It is acceptable to politely interrupt when unsure about a response or if you feel that the other person did not comprehend your question. Best practices include clarifying your questions as needed and paraphrasing what you understood on critical points, ensuring you are both on the same page. Avoid creating distractions to the flow of the conversation; one of the most common is looking at your phone. Also, learn to leverage the magic of "golden silence" before you respond to questions to allow for reflection before continuing.

7. Focus on Body Language -?"Effectively reading others' body language provides a view into their soul." Pay attention to the other person's body language as it provides essential clues to their feelings and emotions on a topic. Also, be aware of your body language and use nonverbal cues such as nodding, smiling, and continued eye contact to show your engagement and interest in the conversation.

8. Summarize and Agree on Action Plans -?Summarize the critical points discussed at the end of conversations to ensure all participants understand the key takeaways. Follow up with a note to confirm any agreed-upon actions. Use this approach to constructively achieve desired outcomes while building trust and strengthening relationships with everyone involved.

Summary:

Taking the time to Master Effective Questioning and Active Listening delivers a significant ROI, providing better outcomes when problem-solving, team building, selling to clients, and enhancing trust in all your business relationships. Use these eight proven strategies today to help you reach your business goals.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts and comments on this topic.

Tony Colangelo?is a Certified Executive Coach and Founder of eXecutive Factor Coaching. Tony is also a Speaker and Author of the Blog Series "Leadership Lessons I Wish I Learned When I Was Younger." Tony has over 30 years of experience in Leadership roles in the management consulting and information technology industries.

Contact Tony Colangelo at?[email protected] ?for a free consultation on helping you achieve your full leadership potential.

This article is Leadership Lesson # 11?from Tony's Blog Series "Leadership Lessons I Wish I Learned When I Was Younger,"

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