Mastering the art of communication with Edith Doosje

In this episode of the Portera Connect Podcast, I had the chance to sit down with Edith Doosje, founder & trainer at Process Communication Model NL. We had the chance to talk around various topics such as communication, teamwork, conflict, casualties and how to understand those around you by speaking their language.

Here are some of the things I learnt from my conversation.

What is PCM?

The Process Communication Model (PCM) is a psychological communication method developed by Professor Taibi Kahler in the 1970s. It helps people to understand themselves and others better, build more effective relationships and improve communication overall. The model looks at an individual’s communication style and behavior as well as how they react in different situations.

By understanding these styles and behavior, it enables individuals to reach their potential as well as communicate successfully with others. PCM can help build better relationships at home, work and school as well as in social settings. It can also be used to improve communication between teams and organizations.

The model is widely used by professionals in different fields from business leaders to coaches, teachers and therapists. PCM provides a framework to understand, assess, and manage communication in all aspects of life.

It's essential to build foundations that function on trust, freedom and expression

"I created this presentation a few years ago, and it already mentioned quite a lot of things that I know now are really important, and that is building trust, giving freedom, and building an environment where everybody can flourish. I believe those to be just as important today, after I've studied them from a theoretical side"

Building trust, giving freedom, and creating an environment where everybody can flourish are all important components of any successful team or organization. When people know they can trust one another, they will be more likely to work together in a productive manner. When everyone has the freedom to express themselves and share their ideas without fear of judgement, creativity and innovation is sure to follow. Finally, when each person’s unique strengths are appreciated and valued, individuals can reach their full potential and truly thrive. Great teams come from those who place trust in each other, give each other freedom, and build an atmosphere where everybody flourishes.

Listening is one of the keys to communication. When we listen more, we can understand what people are trying to tell us much better. Being able to understand "why" people are behaving the way they are behaving is more important than the surface level ways in which they express it. There are ways to learn how to do that. It also gives us an opportunity to take in other’s perspectives and gain a deeper understanding of their point of view. Taking the time to really listen helps break down communication barriers and allows us to build stronger relationships with each other.

When we constantly criticize, it can cause people to feel demotivated and discouraged. On the other hand, providing positive reinforcement for good behaviour can help people stay motivated and do their best.

It's all in the details

"I'm very expressive. I just bumped my hand on the table. I'm very lively, and I use words also, like, nice and awesome and cool. And this was really an eye opener for me because I've always thought, like, people think you're so energetic, you should be a bit more easy. But now I know it's my preferred language to connect with the world. And for everyone, its a bit different"

Small observations can give us a lot of information about how to better connect with others. It could be something as simple as noticing that someone is more comfortable talking in a quieter setting, or that they tend to lighten up when they hear certain music. Making note of these details and adjusting our approach to fit their communication style provides an opportunity to build a stronger connection. It also shows that we care enough to take the time to understand what makes them tick, which can be very rewarding in the long run. With small observations and adjustments, we can easily make big improvements in our relationships with those around us.

The way we use our facial expressions, body language, and voice can make all the difference in our communication. Paying attention to these nonverbal cues is essential for successful communication. Being aware of these signals also helps us understand what others are trying to say without having to rely on words alone. Understanding these cues allows us to break down any misunderstandings that might arise and find solutions more quickly.

Communication & Conflict is essential when it comes to building trust

"And what we do when we avoid conflict, we actually increase the drama... the interesting part is we think it's easier to avoid a conflict. Sometimes it is on the short notice, but in the long term, it always is a disconnector. conflict is not the problem, it's the solution."

In communication, trust is essential. When we trust someone, we know that they will be honest and reliable in their interactions with us. We also feel comfortable expressing ourselves and sharing our thoughts freely, knowing that our words will be respected and heard. Trust leads to open and transparent dialogue which can help strengthen relationships and bring out the best in those involved. Furthermore, it allows people to feel comfortable enough to address difficult issues and resolve conflicts in a healthy manner. Without trust, communication will be strained and relationships will suffer. This is why it is so important for all parties involved to cultivate an environment of mutual respect and understanding when engaging in dialogue with each other.

Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship, and it can actually be beneficial to a healthy dynamic. Conflict gives us the opportunity to grow and learn from each other. It allows us to practice effective communication skills and helps us understand our differences better. It can even lead to deeper connections between two people if handled correctly. By addressing any issues in a respectful and non-confrontational manner, we can cultivate an environment of understanding and cooperation. With healthy conflict, we can learn new perspectives, strengthen our relationships, and ultimately create a more meaningful relationship with each other.

By embracing the challenge that conflict presents us with, we have the potential to grow stronger as individuals and together as a couple.?Conflict doesn't have to be something we dread—it is an opportunity for growth that should always be taken advantage of.?Working through disagreements in a healthy manner is key to maintaining a healthy relationship.?Communication and conflict can be used in tandem to create the strongest relationships possible. Going through these experiences together will help us build understanding, trust, and ultimately the best connection we could possibly have.

Treat yourself with compassion

"We are human beings. And sometimes it's messy, sometimes it's difficult."

We're often way too harsh on ourselves. We say, "how could you have forgotten to close the light? you're so stupid!".?Or "you should have done this better, why are you so dumb?".

It's easy to get caught up in all the mistakes we make and berate ourselves for not being perfect. However, it's important to be mindful of how you treat yourself and speak to yourself. It's essential that we learn to be kinder towards ourselves and to be more compassionate.

Having a little bit of self-compassion can go a long way in helping us deal with difficult emotions and situations. Instead of being hard on ourselves, we should focus on what we can do better next time instead of dwelling too much on our imperfections. Treat yourself with kindness, understanding and respect—you deserve it!

When it comes to building trust, understanding our worth, being compassionate towards ourselves and others, and having healthy conflict resolution are all essential components. By taking the time to nurture these aspects of relationships, we can ensure that the bonds we share with each other will be lasting and meaningful. It's not an easy endeavor but if done right, it can be incredibly rewarding.?So let's all take the time to invest in each other and create amazing relationships with one another!

The bonds we share are precious and should never be taken for granted. We can cultivate strong, meaningful relationships through trust, understanding, compassion and healthy conflict resolution.

Conclusion

I thoroughly enjoyed this conversation with Edith and its definitely up there with one my favorite episodes on this podcast series. Edith gives off a very warm, inviting and loving energy - which is a testament to how the people she works with think about her.

The importance of understand human beings, their behaviors and "why we do what we do" cannot be understated. After all, that's why this podcast was started to begin with.

Thank you Edith, for taking the time to sit down with me to share your story and the extremely enjoyable conversation. I learnt a lot, and I'm further curious to dive into PCM and the models around this.

You can learn more about PCM at?https://processcommunicationmodel.nl/nl