Mastering the Art of Communication: Breaking Free from Diminishing Language

What is Diminishing Language?

I never even knew what this was until I came across this article by Audrey Zander on LinkedIn.? Audrey raises the subject of using ‘modifying’ language Audrey Zander - Diminishing Language Post

‘Diminishing Language’ or ‘Modifying Language’ is language that makes our point weaker and less credible. It is a language which is like an apology before saying what we think or needs to be said.

So, Audrey’s article really made me think and resonated with me.? Not only because I use this sort of language myself, but a few people around me use it too.? We do it because maybe we don’t want to upset or undermine someone we are talking to. ?Not wanting to come across as too assertive, that it comes across as arrogant or aggressive.? However, what really happens is we undermine our own credibility by making our points less effective and can impact our self-confidence.? Especially if it is a valued point or needing to update someone as to the correct information.

Language such as ‘I’m sorry but can I say ….’; ‘I feel ….’; ‘Can I just say ….’; ‘I just called to say …’; ‘I thought you should know …’.? Do you use this language?

This isn’t just about women using this language either, I find men use it also.

Why do we use it?

I wonder if it’s about the culture we work in?? I used to work in an all-male environment many moons ago.? I reflected back as to whether I used this language then, but I don’t really recall that I did.? I was much more assertive and the culture was that you said what you thought, kept it to the point to ensure you got your point across.? In a way, no holds barred.

Since then, I’ve worked in a female dominated world, albeit men still in higher up roles with regards to leadership. Has this had an impact on how I see the world, be it a gentler culture with regards to healthcare? Is there an expectation to be more ‘fluffier’ with regards in how we communicate. There is a difference between being kind and being direct with mindfulness. I was called too assertive when I started with this organisation. Maybe so.

The environment you work in also has an impact.? I have worked in various environments with the organisation I am currently with.? Some environments I have to be mindful of how I communicate, whereas in others, I can be more direct and assertive.? It’s a balance and being aware of my audience and how to frame communication – I don’t always hit the right mark which can make the person/audience defensive.? For me, this then makes me more mindful to soften my words, however, this can affect confidence. ?Does this affect my integrity? For me it does, which does not sit well with me.? So, it’s about learning what feels right, but is received well.

What do we need to do to change this?

I have started to become more mindful about using words before I want to make a point.? By doing so, it actually gives you more confidence. If you believe what you are going to say, use confident language to ensure it is believable to the recipient.? It is important that this becomes natural, so that it doesn’t feel false to you.? Also, to reflect regularly. Did you use modifying language and if you did, how could you have a different conversation next time.

Stop saying ‘Sorry, but …’.? Am I really sorry before I say something? Sometimes, not what I’m going to say, but that it may impact negatively on another person.? Framing what you are going to say is important.? Learning about how it is going to be received by understanding the personality of the person receiving the information.? Lots to think about and lots to learn, which is not a bad thing to understand those around you.

Do I have a duty of care on how people receive information and their response to it? I have a responsibility to myself and to maximise the way I communicate to ensure my point is taken on board as credible, listened to and action taken if required.? For me, thinking about what I say and how I say it, may affect my credibility and confidence for the better. ?In addition, it affects those around me, they are less defensive, taking on board my perspective and me taking on board theirs.? I am starting to use different words instead of ‘I’m just updating you …’ such as ‘I wanted to update you …’; ‘I’m confident in …..’ instead of ‘I feel ….’. Stop finishing off a message with a question such as ‘Don’t you think?’.?

Communicating well is good for everyone concerned.? We are human, we sometimes don’t want to hear what is being said.? It is important that everyone has a voice which is respectful, language which enhances the message and remains authentic. You don’t have to use modifiers to do that.? Learn and improve by reflecting back.? The use of your language may rub off on those around you.

I would be interested to know if other people use modifiers in their language.

Supporting Materials

Audrey Zander – Don’t kneecap your sentences

Forbes – Do you Sabotage Yourself by using Weak Language

A Woman’s Guide to Eliminating Low Power Language to Increase Influence & Authority in Business

Thomas Brown, Interview Coaching Solutions - Minimizing Language Undermines Communication. Avoid It!

Debbie Fay – Elevate Network – Everyday Words that are Diminishing Your Message and You

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