Master Saying "No" to Protect Your "Yes"

Do whatever it takes to fill your cup...because you can't pour into anyone with an empty one.

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Dear Family,

Thanks for stopping by. I hope all is well with you, and if not… I'll love you through it. Today I want to talk about some conversations with students and colleagues about an all-too-common phenomenon we've been experiencing - burnout. What I found interesting is that sometimes, we're the ones unknowingly fueling this burnout. Sounds familiar? If you find yourself nodding, stay with me because I'm going to share some methods that have helped me prevent burnout, and I hope they can help you too.

Is Your Life Looking Like a Marathon Without a Finish Line?

Imagine this:?You're running a marathon, swiftly passing every mile marker, your eyes set on experiencing the exhilaration of crossing the finish line. But as the race continues, you realize there's no finish line in sight, and you're panting, almost ready to drop. That's life for you, right? We're always trying to reach the next goal post, and without proper checks and balances in place, it feels like we're running a race that doesn't seem to end. So today, let's see how setting boundaries can prevent burnout and not feel guilty about it.

"Have You Found Your Personal Space Bubble?

Learning to create healthy boundaries can be a lifesaver, stopping us from spiraling into that pit of burnout. But what does "healthy boundaries" even mean? It sounds kinda fancy, right? Just imagine boundaries as your personal space bubble. It keeps the demanding world at bay, giving you the peace and space you need to rest, grow, and flourish. Prioritizing filling your cup with the things you need to function at a high level. These are the ground rules we create to make sure we're not biting off more than we can chew.

My grandma used to tell me: "Do whatever it takes to fill your cup...because you can't pour into anyone with an empty one."

Master the Art of Saying "No" to Protect Your "Yes"

Have you ever caught yourself saying 'yes' to something, only to regret it later? You're not alone. We've all been there. It's super easy to agree to do something in the moment, but what we often forget is that every 'yes' we give takes time away from something else. That's why mastering the 'no' is so crucial. Think of it like this - saying 'no' is actually a way of saying 'yes' to something more important, something that truly matters to you.

For example, I would bet that you’re that ambitious student, always hustling and trying to make things happen for yourself, and you have that one friend. You know that friend that always waits until the eleventh hour to start assignments and asks for your help on a project…that’s due tomorrow. Yeah, that one. Now, you could say 'yes' out of friendship or fear of being seen as unhelpful. But agreeing means you'll have to skip your planned study session for a major exam coming up.

Now, what if you decided to say 'no' to the last-minute project help and 'yes' to your own study time? It's not about being unfriendly or selfish. It's about respecting your own needs and priorities. Saying 'no' to others sometimes means saying 'yes' to yourself, and that's totally okay and necessary!

By protecting your 'yes', you're allowing yourself to focus on what really matters to you, whether it's your academics, part-time job, or just some much-needed downtime.

Aren’t you worth it?

Can You See the Bottom of Your To-Do List?

I see college students and young professionals always trying to juggle a million balls in the air for fear of missing out on an opportunity. I feel you…I do it too… Sometimes it feels like a circus act that never ends. Between coursework, jobs, internships, family, and social life, it can feel like you're swimming against the tide in an ocean of endless tasks. So, let's talk about how setting boundaries could be your life jacket in these choppy waters.

Say you're a college student juggling a full course load, a part-time job, and an internship. Your to-do list looks like an endless roll of toilet paper, and you can't see where it ends.?

Sounds familiar?

Now, here's what setting boundaries would look like for you. For example, you could talk openly with your professors about your workload. Maybe you could discuss extending a deadline or ask for guidance on how to best prioritize your assignments.

You could talk with your manager about your work hours at your part-time job. It could be as simple as stating, "I can't take on any extra shifts during midterms and finals weeks because I need to focus on my studies."

And, here's the play - You turn off your school and work notifications during personal time. That means no work or school emails popping up while you're at the gym, catching up on your favorite show, or spending time with family or friends. Imagine the peace of mind that would bring! Sidebar: "Do Not Disturb" or "Focus Mode" on your phone will be clutch in these moments…trust me!

Boundaries are all about creating an environment where you can be your best self, whether at work, school, or home.?

So, now that we've established why we need boundaries, how can you set them up in your life?

Your Boundary-Setting Survival Guide

Here are my top ten tips for creating healthy boundaries, whether it's in your personal life or at the office:

1. Know Yourself: Understand what's important to you, and identify what you can (and cannot) handle.
2. Speak Up: Let others know what your limits are—make sure they're clear about what you can and cannot do.
3. Be Steady: Stick to your boundaries so others know you're serious about them. Changing the rules can lead to confusion and crossed lines.
4. Master' No' to Protect Your Yes: Learn to decline requests without guilt or feeling the need to give a lengthy explanation. This can keep your schedule manageable and stress levels low and leave more room for you to say "yes" to the things that matter to you.?
5. Seek Balance: Regularly check if you've struck a good balance between work, relationships, and taking care of yourself.
6. Respect Your Time: Set specific times for work, personal activities, and chill-out moments to avoid being swallowed up by any one thing.
7. Self-Care is Key: Always prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental health to ensure you have the energy and resilience to stick to your boundaries.
8. Find Your Squad: Connect with people who respect and encourage your boundaries.
9. Stand Your Ground: Be prepared for pushback and know how to respond confidently.
10. Stay Flexible: Review your boundaries periodically to make sure they still align with your needs and values. Make changes as needed to maintain balance.

In our "hustle and grind culture, we're encouraged to grab every opportunity, from internships to work projects, all while keeping up an exciting social life. However, trying to keep up with all this activity, we risk neglecting our own well-being. Setting boundaries is not about limiting ourselves but consciously deciding where to invest our time and energy for a balanced life. It gives us the power to ride life's rollercoaster with grace and self-assuredness.

So, go ahead, establish your boundaries, and see how you thrive. Your dreams, relationships and the impact you have on others will flourish. I promise. Embrace these boundaries as a part of your journey and master the art of saying no to protect your yes's so you can create a beautifully unique, memorable, and, above all, balanced life. I'll work on it, too…so we'll do it together.

Cheers to setting boundaries and loving it!

Talk to you soon.

Much Love,

Dr. Jae

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?? Here are my 5 Recommended Books — On Setting Healthy Boundaries

1. "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
2. "The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships" by Randy J. Paterson
3. "Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day" by Anne Katherine
4. "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are" by Brené Brown
5. "Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself" by Melody Beattie