Master Perfectionism with Empathy and Self-Compassion
Sheryl Brinkley, MBA, ACC, CHIC
Executive Coach & Career Acceleration Catalyst | Leader progression path into Executive & C-Suite roles | Speaker, Trainer & Facilitator | I help high performing women keep their head in the game while playing the game!
Many professional women, especially those driven to achieve great heights, wrestle with an internal critic that never seems satisfied. Perhaps you know this well—pushing yourself to meet the highest of standards, downplaying your accomplishments, and always striving for more while rarely giving yourself credit where it's due. You’re not alone. High-achieving women often fall into the trap of perfectionism, a cycle where even successes aren’t fully celebrated because “there’s still more to do.”
This relentless pursuit of perfection is exhausting. It can drain your energy, erode your confidence, and stifle the joy of progress. In my coaching practice, I’ve seen brilliant, capable women downplay their wins because they feel they’re never “enough.” But the truth is, this hyper-critical mindset isn’t serving you. If you truly want to continue excelling—without burning out—you need to introduce a powerful practice into your career toolbox: self-compassion.
The Oxygen Mask Rule: Empathy for Self-First
Think about the common advice given on flights: “Put your oxygen mask on first before assisting others.” This is more than just a safety rule—it’s a reminder that if you aren’t nurturing yourself, you won’t be able to nurture others or continue striving toward your goals. When we’re locked into perfectionism, we often forget to put our own mask on first.
This is where self-compassion comes in. Self-compassion isn’t indulgent—it’s essential. It means treating yourself with the same empathy, understanding, and encouragement you’d offer to a friend or colleague. Would you ever tell your friend that their hard work isn’t good enough, or that they should keep quiet about their latest success? Of course not. You’d likely cheer them on, recognize their accomplishments, and remind them that growth happens step by step. So why not extend that same kindness to yourself?
Speak Kindly to Yourself for Growth
Imagine what could change if you became your own greatest encourager. Speaking kindly to yourself is a radical act of self-care, and it’s crucial for mental health and long-term motivation. Here’s a simple practice: the next time you’re about to criticize yourself, pause. Ask yourself, “If my best friend or mentor was in this situation, what would I say to them?” Now, say that to yourself.
Empathy for yourself, especially in moments of struggle or perceived failure, creates a safe space for growth. It allows you to take strategic risks because you know that even if things don’t go as planned, you’ll meet yourself with understanding and encouragement, not judgment. Self-compassion is what helps you keep going after setbacks and gives you the stamina to dream bigger without fear of harsh self-reprisal.
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From "Perfectionista" to Progress Champion
Let’s be real: the perfectionism trap can be hard to break. But with self-compassion, you can shift from being a “perfectionista” to a progress champion—someone who acknowledges and celebrates every step forward, no matter how small. This mindset shift is what sustains growth over the long term. It’s what fuels your ability to make bold, strategic moves in your career without being held back by an overcritical inner dialogue.
Mid-career and high-potential women like you are poised for greatness. But remember, greatness doesn’t come from perfection—it comes from the willingness to keep going, to keep learning, and to keep believing in yourself. Self-compassion is the fuel for that journey.
So, as you reflect on your career and your ambitions, make a commitment to yourself: I will speak kindly to myself. I will acknowledge my wins. I will extend empathy to myself, just as I do for others.
Growth, after all, is a marathon, not a sprint. And it’s only with self-compassion that you’ll have the energy and resilience to finish strong. Keep striving, keep growing, and remember—you are more than enough.
Sheryl Brinkley is an Executive Coach & Career Acceleration Catalyst, and a Women's Leadership Pipeline Builder & Sustainer, specializing in Hi-Potential & Mid-Level leader progression into Sr. Level & C-Suite positions. She is a certified Emotional Intelligence & Positive Intelligence Mental Fitness Coach supporting her clients in their holistic self-actualization pursuits while deepening self-awareness for maximal leadership impact.