?? Master Holiday Survival: Resilience Amidst High-Conflict Dynamics

Keep Calm, Even in High-Tension Periods

The holidays are meant to be a time of joy and connection, but for many, they bring a unique kind of stress. If you’re co-parenting with a high-conflict ex or bracing yourself for interactions with challenging family members, the season of cheer can feel more like a battlefield.

Navigating these relationships during the holiday season isn’t just about getting through—it’s about protecting your peace, finding clarity, and building resilience. Because the truth is, you deserve to enjoy this season, too.

Let’s explore practical strategies to stay grounded, confident, and in control when faced with high-conflict dynamics, so you can focus on what matters most this Christmas: your well-being and the people you love.

??Exclusive Insider Story

Lisa*, a client of mine, once loved the holiday season. It was her chance to reconnect with family and create joyful traditions with her children. But after her divorce, the holidays became something she dreaded.

Her high-conflict ex used the season as an opportunity to play power games—changing plans at the last minute and undermining her parenting decisions. To make matters worse, her extended family, who once stood by her, had cut off contact, leaving her feeling isolated and unsupported.

Lisa felt like she was navigating the holidays alone, with no one to turn to. But through intentional boundary-setting and reframing her perspective, Lisa managed to not only survive the holidays but reclaim her joy. She created new traditions with her children, kept communication minimal yet firm with her ex, and found peace in choosing her battles.

Lisa’s story is a reminder: resilience isn’t about controlling others—it’s about mastering how you respond.

1. Set Boundaries Early and Stick to Them

Boundaries are your lifeline during the holiday season. Clearly outline your expectations with your co-parent and family members.

• Co-Parenting Example: Establish a schedule early and confirm plans in writing (email or text) to avoid last-minute conflicts.
• Family Example: If a certain topic always triggers tension in you, politely state it’s off-limits beforehand.

2. Focus on What You Can Control

High-conflict people thrive on pushing buttons, but you can protect your peace by responding without emotion.

• Keep your responses neutral and concise, like: “Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I’ll follow up later if needed.”
• Pause before replying and focus on facts rather than feelings.

3. Create New Traditions That Bring Joy

Instead of dwelling on past conflicts or family drama, shift your focus to creating meaningful moments for yourself and your loved ones.

• Make new traditions with your children, like baking or a holiday film night.
• Spend time with friends who uplift you or volunteer for a cause close to your heart.

4. Plan for Triggers

You probably know what will likely cause tension, so plan ahead.

• Trigger Example: If your ex often manipulates drop-off times, have a backup plan for child exchanges.
• Ground yourself with affirmations like, “I am in control of my peace.”

5. Prioritise Self-Care Like It’s Non-Negotiable

Stress during the holidays can take its toll on your mental health. Incorporate small self-care practices daily.

• Start your morning with 10 minutes of mindfulness.
• Schedule downtime, even if it’s just enjoying a cup of tea.

Expert Insight

Co-parenting conflicts often escalate during the holidays, as unresolved issues resurface under the pressure of plans and expectations. According to experts, the key to managing these dynamics is preparation and emotional detachment—approaching interactions with clarity and boundaries rather than emotion.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula advises: “Keep communication with high-conflict individuals brief, structured, and purposeful to maintain emotional balance.”

Actionable Takeaways

1. Set holiday plans early: Confirm co-parenting schedules and share them in writing.
2. Have a response plan: Use neutral language and avoid engaging in emotional arguments.
3. Focus on joy: Create traditions that prioritise your happiness and your children’s well-being.
4. Communicate your boundaries: Be polite but firm with family members who tend to overstep.
5. Practice self-care: Schedule time for rest, mindfulness, and things that recharge your energy.

This holiday season, you have the power to take charge of your experience, even in the face of high-conflict relationships. By setting boundaries, focusing on what you can control, and planning ahead, you’re building the resilience needed to protect your peace and enjoy the moments that truly matter.

?? Want more tools to handle high-conflict dynamics? Download my free guide, Your Essential Guide to Understanding and Overcoming Gaslighting, and take the first step toward clarity and confidence. [Link below ??]

?? Keep an eye out for my upcoming 'Design Your Peaceful Season: A 2-Day Strategic Experience for High-Conflict Co-Parenting & Challenging Relationships'—details coming soon!

Your turn: What’s one thing you’ll do differently this holiday season to protect your peace? Drop it in the comments—I’d love to hear from you ??