Master the Haters - How to best the bullies, trolls, and critics.
Pay them no mind
Money and success follow attention—you won’t get either without attracting haters. Here are five things to remember:
Don’t get emotional. Stay rational when you are getting "pinged" by the haters and critics. Say, “Thanks for that, I will take it into consideration.” Then, throw it away. Getting emotional messes with your productivity.
Don’t fear the hater, be afraid of those who listen. Friends, family, and people on your team who are weak enough to buy into the hate are more dangerous to you than the haters themselves. Get rid of the weak people who pass on critics’ garbage.
Haters are quitters. The people who say you can’t do something have already quit trying. When haters say, “Become a multimillionaire, yeah right,” they’re actually saying, “I’m a quitter, and I'm hoping you quit too because it will make sense of why I quit.
Haters are spectators. Players don't take feedback or criticism from spectators; those people rarely have success in their own lives because they're too busy "speculating" on the lives of the successful. I value correction from other players but never value criticism from haters.
Never waste a hater. Haters should not be wished away but used as fuel to take you to the next level. So many people have talked about how they used haters to inspire their success.
Remember, there has never been a successful person who wasn’t criticized or hated on!
1. Make criticism your fuel, not your kryptonite.
It’s all about how you frame it. If someone says you aren’t smart enough, tell yourself, “I can’t wait to prove them wrong.” Negative feedback can either be the anchor you drag through the desert or the wind behind your sail.
Always remember: They don’t make statues of the critics. They make statues of the dreamers, the ones who take chances. Think about it. The revolutionaries who made an impact, changed the rules, ended wars, and fought for freedom were the “crazy ones.” They had to listen to naysayers and absorb the criticism — and they let that be their fuel, not their kryptonite.
Dean Graziosi, multiple NYT-bestselling author, and one of the most-watched real estate and success trainers on TV
2. Take it as a compliment.
You're going to inspire envy and criticism if you’re super successful at what you do. That’s just par for the course. Criticism is the best proof that you're bound to be wildly successful. I learned early on that the more people bad mouth you, the more jealous they are.
Barbara Corcoran, founder of The Corcoran Group, podcast host of Business Unusual
3. Get engagement by trolling back.
What someone says reflects how they feel. If someone offends me (which is hard), my first response is to ask myself, “What’s this person going through? Why do they need to say something like that to feel better?” Then get over it. The second you take negative comments personally, you’re losing. They’re just internet trolls.
But you can troll back! If a troll says something funny, I’ll throw a joke back. Usually, they have fun with it and it becomes a conversation everyone can see. Then others jump in. Suddenly you’re getting a bunch of engagement, which decreases the cost of your social media ads!
Billy Gene Shaw III, founder and CEO of Billy Gene Is Marketing and a top online marketing influencer, educator and practitioner
4. Remember that successful people don’t need to put others down.
This was a sore subject a few years ago because I was newly sober and didn’t know how to cope with hurtful and stressful situations. As I became happier and more successful, I met incredible mentors. I remember saying to my friend Rick Caruso, “I’ve known you for years but never heard you say anything negative about anyone.” He smiled and asked, “What would be the upside?”
I was stunned by his response, but it was indisputable: Happy, successful people don’t waste time saying negative things about others. Why would they?
Now I empathize whenever I see negative comments about me on social media, because I know those people are suffering and in pain.
Khalil Rafati, founder of SunLife Organics, homeless drug addict turned spiritual advisor for rockstars and billionaires
5. Kill them with kindness.
Worrying or retaliating against your haters makes you bitter. It’s easy to be resentful and feel justified — but don’t. Instead, make a list of the haters you don’t like. Wish each one well by name, and practice sincerely forgiving them. Speak kindly about them to others. Go out of your way to help them. In time, this breaks down many barriers. Even if it doesn’t, the effect on you will be resounding.
While some people become jealous of your success and wish you ill will, others will look to you as an inspiration. Never let haters bring you down. Be a shining light and live large so others can see it’s possible.
Peter Hernandez, President of The Western Region at Douglas Elliman; founder and President of Teles Properties
6. Don’t react, be grateful.
When you do big things, you’ll always have haters and naysayers. Knowing that is inevitable. So ask yourself, "How can I use haters to support my mission even more?"
First, understand that what we feed grows, and what we starve dies. Don't react to your haters — it only feeds them. Second, realize their words are more about something unresolved within them than you. There's a saying in psychology, “If you spot it, you got it.”
Third, be grateful. Hate, love, critique and praise are all acknowledgment. You're no longer ignored or unseen; you've made it to the spotlight where the magic happens. Are you getting hate even though you’re doing good work? Good job, you've made it to the next level.
Jason Capital, White House top 100 entrepreneurs under 30, bestselling author, high-income coach, and founder of High Status
7. Take the opportunity to check in with yourself.
Some of us are cursed with a natural desire to please everyone with our personal and professional choices.
I’ve realized an important lesson: No matter what you do, people will always criticize your actions when you try to achieve success. The quicker you can embrace that, the better you’ll be. If everyone is happy with what you do, you probably aren’t stretching yourself enough, making bold decisions, or placing the big bets required to excel and reach new levels of excellence.
Embrace the criticism. Uncomfortable moments are usually a sign that you’re on the right track. The next time someone criticizes your choices, ask yourself if you’re being true to your personal mission and values. If the answer is yes, smile and know that you’re doing the right thing!
Kenny Rueter, CEO and co-founder of Kajabi
8. Ask whether you can learn something.
I don’t believe in “haters.” The columnist Ann Landers is often quoted as saying, “At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don't care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all.”
“Haters” often communicate out of love or a cry for help. Hurt people hurt people. When we tear others down, we reveal more of our true character than theirs. An attack on others only exposes our thought process, insecurities, suppressed emotions, and how we judge people.
If feedback has any merit — regardless of whether you consider it constructive — be humble and openly consider it with gratitude and love. If the criticism is a harsh, open attack, don’t respond with another grenade. It baffles me when I see two keyboard warriors attacking one another online. Tempers flare, egos are damaged, and no one is inspired to grow.
F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.” The next time you’re triggered to respond, take a moment to consider a different opinion rather than immediately dismiss it. A discouraging word could augment your thought process. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.
9. Listen to criticism, but don’t give up.
The best, most powerful advocates often start out as your toughest critics. Don’t ignore critics’ feedback. Listen to them and engage with them constructively. Often it’s not your overall idea or position that’s the issue—but perhaps you can tweak your delivery or a particular point.
Don’t give up. After I approached one of the largest PC manufacturers in the world about creating a partnership, they told me it would never work. Fast forward a few years, and we are their largest third-party partner—and the partnership is growing.
Persistence, dedication and passion are key. Passion is especially important because if you aren’t excited about what you’re doing, no one else will be. Share small wins along the way and watch the momentum build!
Scott Shainman, President of Getac North America, who helped lead the company to become one of the world’s largest rugged laptop and tablet manufacturers
10. Stick to your convictions.
History is filled with examples of technological breakthroughs that were once met with resistance. When you begin to disrupt an industry, dissenters will gather. People are naturally skeptical of change and reluctant to accept things they don’t understand. Don’t let that sway you!
As the CEO of a FinTech company solving major pain points in capital markets, I can relate. We are using blockchain technology to make growth capital more accessible. Others in banking and finance see this new technology as a threat to their legacy systems. But I see an opportunity to help others with a better solution, so I’m motivated to keep going.
Thoughtful research and conviction are the root of confidence. When you know you have a better way of doing things, you can overcome all naysayers. Stay true to what you believe in — it works. Respond to dissenters with confidence. Others will get on board, and you’ll find the path to success.
Thomas Carter, founder and CEO of DealBox Inc
Emerson de Pieri