Mary Poppins - Expert Business Advisor

A few years ago, I started changing a fundamental part of who I am and how I operate my brain. It's kind of difficult, to be honest, but the challenge relates to the high level of rewards that come with it. The change: I spend a LOT of effort to speak positively, use positive words, ingest positive materials, and frame things in positive ways.

Just a Spoon Full of Sugar Helps the Medicine Go Down

You might not remember the song. It's okay. I'll help.

Before I go too far, let me be clear: I write and think and operate in the most positive ways I can as often as I can. I don't delude myself when something's going wrong. I just try to get on the positive side of the effort. If the roof collapses, I can either toss up my hands, or I can get to work salvaging everything I can before I have the roof problem *and* a resupply problem.

I don't say things I don't mean, either. I might not call someone a poo poo face as often as I used to, though. Instead, I'll talk to someone about the parts of what they're doing that I want to emphasize. That's probably where all this sugar ends up going, by the way: it's in the emphasis. It's in the focus.

Friction Reduction is the Goal

If I tell you that you're bad at something, guess what your brain does? You either agree outright and then throw a little guilt onto your thoughts OR you disagree and get into a fighting mode. I call you argumentative, and you tell me I'm wrong.

I've come to learn that if I have someone with a conflict/argument challenge, my best possible outcome happens when I help them focus on the behaviors I want to see more of, not bring up the ones I want to remove. Thus, I might tell someone who gets in too many arguments this: "I've noticed that you're great at getting what you want when you build consensus. Tell me about how you've come to develop that skill."

Do you know what someone's brain does with a compliment like that? It immediately rushes to reinforce the positive observation. You're good at this! Thank you! I work at it. (See?)

I'm looking at the sub-heading of this section, and I want to rewrite it. "Friction reduction" are two negative words. The outcome is positive, but the two words are putting the emphasis on the wrong spot, right? Just what I was arguing against.

Positive Amplification Is the Goal

You might be amazing at 2/3 of your job. Maybe even only 1/3, but that 1/3 might be really important. If I spend my time developing the best parts of what you do, it's so much easier to get you to want to match your energy to that goal.

"This sounds like it takes time." I know someone's thinking it. Yes. There are so many times in business (and life!) where the personable and warm way is very slow. It's so much faster to be blunt. Go ahead and try that out in your relationship.

And yet.

One detail I've learned in my role as Chief of Staff is that beating around the bush helps nobody. If someone needs to make a change, they need to make the change. But one doesn't negate the other. I'm not saying to sugar-coat it. Neither was Mary Poppins. She just was saying, "If you approach this in a positive-framed way, you'll likely get through a rough patch easier."

Darn, she's a smart business coach, that Mary Poppins.

Brain Full of Sunshine

Changing out what I consume was far more difficult than learning to phrase things in a more positive expression. The music I love consists of largely negative words and phrases. So, I had to go in search of more positive content, but without it being too silly. I've got a few bands I really like now because they split the difference well: they have positive messages but still catchy music. (I'll share some of these in my paid newsletter this week.)

Watching positive movies and shows goes into this also, as does keeping mainstream news to a minimum. The lion's share of news is built to scare you into paying attention. Can you imagine that? We go around looking to feel scared. Oh, I mean "be informed." So little of what you're informed about matters. I promise.

Positively Complicated

Speaking in positive sentences is tricky. You saw it above. I labeled part of this letter to you in a negative format. I just stay vigilant. You know where it's hardest? When you talk to yourself.

Your Inner Critic can be a real asshole. A lot of what you say to yourself are things you'd never let someone say about your kid or significant other. And yet, you torture yourself with negative words and put downs all day long. You forget your keys on the table and only realize it when you get out to your car, and you call yourself an idiot.

In those moments now, I say things to myself like, "I guess my brain's telling me to take a breath here." This kind of language reminds me that it's all good. The world won't end because I forgot my keys. Most everything is fixable, right?

A few other areas to work on being more positive around:

• Receiving compliments - do you tend to brush away compliments? Stop. Accept them. Just say thank you. (Not creepy ones - that's another whole thing.)
• Setting up your day - every day is a chance to reset and give everything another shot. If you had more prep time in the morning, would it change things? You can try a new approach. Boss and you not getting along? Is there a new way to test out a different method? Or do you need a new gig?
• Shrug off misses and losses - you didn't get the bid you were hoping for? Get working on the next one. Maybe that last one is all about their stuff, not yours.
• Work from today - maybe you don't have to relive every misery you've experienced *every* day. Maybe some times, you can just start from today forward.
• Find some positives - they're not always there, but a lot of times, they are. I tell people quite often that today is the best day ever. If they challenge me (and boy, people OFTEN do), I say, "Well, I'm fed. I'm dry. I'm loved. No one shot at me today." This is true most days. And heck, if you can say yes to at least three of those, you're probably in a better spot than a lot of people, right?

I could go on and on, but I won't. You get it. You understand because you're smart and pieces like this mostly just reinforce what you already know. But hey, there's a little value in that, right?

So, sugar?

Chris...