"MARRIAGE, OMG!"

"MARRIAGE, OMG!"

Marriage is one of the most beautiful, messy, loving, chaotic, joyful, angry, fulfilling, tumultuous, sexy, cherished, challenging, peaceful and brutally revealing relationships you will ever experience.?Marriage will test your...

???? tolerance for conflict

???? ability to resolve conflict

???? depth of commitment

???? ability to compromise

???? financial savvy

???? communication skills

???? fidelity

???? patience

???? people skills

???? ability to forgive

???? ability to love unselfishly

Marriage is what you make it.

It takes both the husband and wife giving their all to make the relationship successful; it is not a 50% + 50% effort from the husband and wife, like most believe. Marriage requires a 100% + 100% input from both the husband and wife.

Marriage is a serious and huge legal, relational, and financial covenant that should never be taken for granted.

According to Zola.com, a major online wedding registry/wedding planning retailer, based on survey projections, “the average wedding expenses for couples getting married in 2023 total?around $29,000, up slightly from $28,000 in 2022.”?In many instances, engaged couples will max out their credit cards to cover wedding costs, some save to cover wedding costs, while others will request cash gifts on their wedding registries to cover their wedding expenses.

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Marriage has major life changing impact if it fails.?

Between 2000-2020, the Center for Disease Control reported 1,676,911 marriages during that period of time, but sadly, many marriages end in divorce.?"The United States divorce rate is the third-highest in the world. There were around 630,000 divorces in the US in 2020.?According to the Census Bureau, you are more likely to get divorced if you’ve been married at least once before." – Branka Vuleta, LegalJobs.

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The National Library of Medicine/National Center for Biotechnology Information published the following top reasons why marriages ended in divorce:

·????????Lack of commitment

·????????Infidelity or extramarital affairs

·????????Too much conflict and arguing

·????????Getting married too young

·????????Financial problems

·????????Substance abuse

·????????Domestic violence

·????????Health problems

·????????Lack of support from family

·????????Religious differences

·????????Little or no premarital education

For any engaged couple contemplating marriage, I highly recommend premarital counseling.

Premarital counseling doesn't guarantee a marriage will succeed, but it can help an engaged couple make a more informed decision about whether they should proceed with their matrimonial plans.

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Colorado State University College of Health and Human Sciences reports, “Research shows that those who attend premarital counseling were?better off than 80% of couples who decided against counseling. Also, couples who attend therapy after they are married, report increase satisfaction, communication skills, and reduction of negative conflict.”

Premarital counseling “employs a lighter touch than traditional couples counseling: Instead of focusing on deeper psychological issues that might be driving relationship problems, for instance, premarital counseling is more "tool-focused, skill-focused and strength-focused." – Tori DeAngelis, Dr. Meredith Hansen, PsyD/American Psychological Association.

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Premarital counseling is designed to expose the couple’s depth of compatibility, but it’s also designed to expose the engage couple’s pain-points regarding incompatibility and areas of personal improvement.?Tradition says that marriage is “for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poor” – these words are not idle platitudes but serious considerations that have real-life long-lasting implications. Pre-marital counseling, if done correctly, should challenge engaged couples on the real hard stuff that married couples wrestle with, like blended families, budgeting and managing finances, child rearing, in-laws, friends, jealousy, disrespecting boundaries, stress, commitment, intimacy, infidelity, conflict resolution skills, abuse, addiction, effective communication, religious beliefs, differences in religious faith, etc.

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As an experienced Premarital Christian Counselor, it’s my duty to confront couples with relevant topics of discussion and scenario role-plays on common issues that often challenge and confront married couples.?This allows for healthy discussion (and sometimes debate) on pertinent issues that are important to the engaged couple’s success as a married couple.?NOTE:?Premarital Christian Counseling adds a Biblical worldview component to traditional counseling methodologies.?“According to a?Pew Research study, 69 percent of married people say their spouse shares their religious views. While it is not always necessary for married partners to have the same religion, it does make it more likely that their other values are in alignment.” – Clagett & Barnett Attorneys at Law.

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How to Succeed in Marriage!

The University of Rochester Medical Center offers some very helpful tips on how to build and maintain a successful marriage…

·????????Communicate clearly and often

·????????Tell your spouse that you're thankful for having him or her in your life

·????????Make time for you two as a couple

·????????Plan for some personal time

·????????Understand that it's OK to disagree

·????????Build trust

·????????Learn to forgive

Ultimate Marriage Compatibility Quiz

Marriage.com offers a free fun 15 question Ultimate Marriage Compatibility Quiz for engaged couples to take.?It’s a fun free quiz that engaged couples can use as a conversation starter about elements of a successful marriage and what it takes to sustain a thriving marital relationship, here’s the link:

https://www.marriage.com/quizzes/the-ultimate-marriage-compatibility-quiz

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If you found this article enlightening, write your comments below, or email me your comments: [email protected]

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Regards,

Rev. Michael Robinson, M.S. Christian Counseling

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