Marriage is Not an easy Journey …..Some Signs to Know

When it comes to love, almost every single person will have a doubt at some point in their relationship. It’s normal to have moments of doubt, to get cold feet every once-in-awhile, and to feel a little nervous when it comes to thinking through the potential of lifelong marriage.

But in a healthy relationship, time will always decrease doubts and fears. As time passes, the level of doubt and fear should not increase, but decrease.

As you see your partner’s traits and qualities slowly unfold, the right relationship will move you into peace not panic.

Most of you will have at least one, if not a few, significant relationships during your lifetime.

Our first intimate encounters may be more difficult or challenging because we're new to the experience of forming an intimate bond with another person, and may not really know what we’re doing and what to expect. But time and experience should help us navigate through future relationships in a much better way.

It’s essential to get to know yourself in every possible way before you move into a committed relationship.

Often, individuals go in search of a relationship without this essential knowledge/

But how can you ever hope to know another individual if you don’t know yourself first?

How can you address another’s needs and desires if you're disconnected from your own?

As obvious as these issues may appear, and as much as you may feel you understand them intellectually, it should come as no surprise that what initially seems unimportant may take on greater significance as insights occur over the course of the relationship.

In retrospect, individuals are often baffled about their own behaviour and expectations in a relationship.

You’re not just marrying “the one person”, you are marrying into another family, a clan of sorts, make sure you know who they are and what they do to keep family cohesion in place.

There are degrees of jealousies and possessiveness that partners display in public and in private settings.

Make sure you are comfortable with knowing what are the lines or circles that are in play or being drawn for you once the marriage kicks in.

Know your friends and who is comfortable with whom. Some friends will inevitably be pushed to the curb. Make sure you know who these friends are beforehand if some of them will be lost in the shuffle if that’s even remotely a possibility.

Know your spending habits and of your partner. You don’t want to find out these things after the marriage. The last thing you want to hear is “but honey, you knew this way before we got married”.

Are there “pre-marriage” financial debts or obligations that have to be cleared before the marriage?

Are there medical issues or illnesses that run in either family that may surface down the line that can potentially be avoided or dealt with?

Are you being too accommodative towards your partner today and are not sure if what you allow today will be “ok” once you are married. Gal/guy night outs with other friends.

Joint or separate financial accounts or ownership of properties.

How often family visits and how often you are required to visit other family members.

How much meddling or information about your affairs are other family members to be privy to. You just don’t become an open book because you’ve acquired a new family.

Now here’s one i love: “How much are you required to do in the name of family”.

You need to find out who is/are the “black sheep(s)” of the family and why (you may end up in that role one day) - As much family as you think you are, that’s going to take a while to sink in with most family members of the spouse.

Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensue discussion or debate.  

Thank you …A love that’s based on commitment, and evidenced by action.

 A love that’s not based on feeling, but on choice.

The problem is that this phrase is being hijacked by our culture – and misinterpreted to mean that the feeling of being in love will get you through whatever life brings.

But just as quickly as you can fall in love with your feelings— you can guarantee that your feelings have the power to take you right back outta’ love. 

Love- real love- is powerful – but if and only if you’ve learned to recognize it, live it, and choose it moment after moment.

Want to add word or two? 

Today, many men and women go into marriage with high hopes, but very little preparation, and end up struggling through the pain of an unhealthy, dysfunctional, even catastrophic marriage situation.

Marriage is not an easy journey, and when the rubber meets the road, those who go into it ignoring the warning signs will always reap the harsh reality of the seeds they’ve sown.

Your comment ….? 

Lack of physical affection

If you and your spouse aren’t hugging, kissing, holding hands, etc., that’s a big warning sign.

Frequent sexual intimacy is obviously important as well, but these smaller acts of everyday physical touch are so important to the physical and emotional connectedness that keep a husband and wife bonded.

If your marriage is lacking in this area, start initiating physical contact. If your spouse doesn’t receive your advances with warmth, start conversations about the reasons why there’s a disconnect.

A marriage starved of sex and other forms of physical affection is in a dangerous and vulnerable place.

Stubborn Pride (Believing your way is always the right way or the only way)

When you start disrespecting your spouse by belittling his/her viewpoints, you’re opening the door for infidelity. Pride is that sinister little whisper in your ear making you feel entitled to do everything your way and in your preferred timing.

Pride destroys relationships than anything else.

 Show mutual respect at all times. Respect and thoughtfulness aren’t just good tools for preventing adultery; they vital to health in every part of your marriage. Just because your spouse does things differently than you doesn’t necessarily mean your way is better (or worse).

 Celebrate each other’s differences.

The tone of your words will shape the tone of your marriage.

Criticism, nagging, or constantly “correcting” your spouse can make both you and your spouse more vulnerable to an affair.

When you look at your spouse with a critical eye, you’re more likely to have your eyes open to someone else and your spouse is more likely to be drawn in by someone who will compliment them instead of criticizing.

If there’s a climate of criticism in your marriage, take immediate action to change it.

Be your spouse’s biggest encourager; not their biggest critic!