Mark Twain: English As She Is Spoke: Portuguese-English conversational guide ...

"Nobody can add to the absurdity of this book, nobody can imitate it successfully, nobody can hope to produce its fellow; it is perfect." - Mark Twain English as She Is Spoke is the common name of a 19th-century book written by Pedro Carolino, and falsely additionally credited to José da Fonseca, which was intended as a Portuguese-English conversational guide or phrase book, but is regarded as a classic source of unintentional humour, as the given English translations are generally completely incoherent.

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The humour appears to be a result of dictionary-aided literal translation, which causes many idiomatic expressions to be translated wildly inappropriately. For example, the Portuguese phrase chover a cantaros is translated as raining in jars, whereas an idiomatic English translation would be raining buckets. It is widely believed that Carolino could not speak English, and that a French-English dictionary was used to translate an earlier Portuguese-French phrase book, O Novo guia da conversa??o em francês e português, written by José da Fonseca. Carolino likely added Fonseca's name to the book without his permission in an attempt to give it some credibility. The Portuguese-French phrase book is apparently a competent work, without the defects that characterize English as She Is Spoke. Cultural appraisals and influence Mark Twain said of English as She Is Spoke that "Nobody can add to the absurdity of this book, nobody can imitate it successfully, nobody can hope to produce its fellow; it is perfect." Stephen Pile mentions this work in The Book of Heroic Failures, and comments: "Is there anything in conventional English which could equal the vividness of 'to craunch a marmoset'?"

The original has "to craunch the marmoset", an entry under the book's "Idiotisms and Proverbs." This is the author's attempt to translate the French slang idiomatic expression "croquer le marmot", used to indicate waiting patiently for someone to open a door, with "croquer" referring to the knocking or rapping sound and "marmot" a term for the grotesque door knockers in vogue at the time. The term is presumably inspired by the marmot's large teeth, as many of the grotesque door knockers were figures holding the knocker clasped in their teeth. Tristan Bernard wrote a very short comedy with a similar name, L'Anglais tel qu'on le parle. Ionesco's La Cantatrice Chauve is mostly made of language conversation book lines used out of context. Idiotisms and Proverbs The necessity don't know the low. Few, few the bird make her nest. He is not valuable to breat that he eat. Its are some blu stories. Nothing some money, nothing of Swiss. He sin in trouble water. A bad arrangement is better than a process. He has a good beak. In the country of blinds, the one eyed man are kings. To build castles in Espagnish.

Cat scalded fear the cold water. To do the fine spirit. With a tongue one go to Roma. There is not any rnler without a exception. Take out the live coals with the hand of the cat. A horse baared don't look him the tooth. Take the occasion for the hairs. To do a wink to some body. So many go the jar to spring, than at last rest there. He eat untill to can't more. Which like Bertram, love hir dog. It want to beat the iron during it is hot. He is not so devil as he is black. It is better be single as a bad company. The stone as roll not heap up not foam. The shurt him the doar in face. He has fond the knuckle of the business. He turns as a weath turcocl. There is not better sauce who the appetite. The pains come at horse and turn one's self at foot. He is beggar as a church rat. So much go the jar to spring that at last it break there. To force to forge, becomes smith. Keep the chestnut of the fire with the cat foot. Friendship of a child is water into a basket. At some thing the misforte is good. Burn the politeness. Tell me whom thou frequent, I will tell you which you are. After the paunch comes the dance. Of the hand to mouth, one lose often the soup. To look for a needle in a hay bundle. To craunch the marmoset. To buy cat in pocket.

To be as a fish into the water. To make paps for the cats. To fatten the foot. To come back at their muttons. https://www.verbatimmag.com/Gorman.html https://www.archive.org/stream/englishassheissp00applrich#page/n13/mode/2up https://openlibrary.org/books/OL17960587M/English_as_she_is_spoke. Publication history 1853 - In Paris, J.-P. Aillaud, Monlon e Ca published a Portuguese-French phrase book entitled O Novo guia da conversa??o em francês e português by José da Fonseca. The Portuguese Biblioteca Nacional has a copy of this book with catalogue number L.686P. Another copy of this book is in the Bibliothèque nationale de France under the catalogue number FRBNF30446608. 1855 - In Paris, J.-P. Aillaud, Monlon e Ca published a Portuguese-English phrase book entitled O Novo Guia da Conversa??o, em Português e Inglês, em Duas Partes (literally, The new guide to conversation, in Portuguese and English, in two parts), with authorship attributed to José da Fonseca and Pedro Carolino. A copy of this book is in the Bibliothèque nationale de France under the catalogue number FRBNF30446609. Another copy is in the Bodleian Library, Oxford. 1883 - The book was published in London as English as She is Spoke.

The first American edition, published in Boston also came out this year, with an introduction by Mark Twain. 1969 - The book was re-published in New York by Dover Publications, under the title English as she is spoke; the new guide of the conversation in Portuguese and English (ISBN 0-486-22329-9). 2002 - A new edition edited by Paul Collins was published under the Collins Library imprint of McSweeney's (ISBN 0-9719047-4-X). 2002 - Brazilian edition of the copies of the 1855 edition held in the Bibliothèque nationale de France and the Bodleian Library, published by Casa da Palavra, Rio de Janeiro (ISBN 85-87220-56-X). 2004 - A revised paperback version of the above Collins Library edition was published (ISBN 1-932416-11-0).

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