The Mark of the Greatest Champions are how they Respond to Defeat...

This reflection on raising gracious losers is inspired by a telephone conversation with my sister; aka: a Soccer Mom. Listening to her voice on the other end of my iPhone indicated that we were going to have "one of those" conversations. I braced myself for the inevitable, but what happened inspired far deeper thoughts.

"What's up?" I casually asked.

"Oh," she answered. "It's soccer...the girl's are facing a new challenge. Their team is losing games and things are not going so well...."

Losing.

In team sports someone wins and someone loses. It is how its designed. It is character building and leadership training...and it should start early...even if you are twelve.

I answered, "What are you talking about? Someone wins and someone loses. It is the nature of the sport."

"Yeah," she signed. "But some of the parents aren't taking it well...we aren't used to losing."

Wow.

What are we doing?

As parents we are obligated to instill in our children that the greatest lessons learned in life is how we lose...not how we win.

Winning is easily celebrated....losing requires dignity.

Learning from our mistakes requires introspection and self evaluation.

Pulling yourselves back together and supporting each other builds your team...

...and I am not only talking about the soccer field.

I reflected on this before I answered her. 

I have watched my sons battle on the mat for wrestling titles and felt the crushing weight of their defeats. I agonized over countless football games, watching the clock count down securing a potential comeback...or not. I have watched my daughter swing her racket voraciously on the tennis court...and have heard the whiz of the winning (or losing) shot...

Losing is part of winning. There are two sides to every coin.

Hmmmmmmm.

The best example for this situation that I could think of is from my own experience. I shared with my sister that the only time in my high school soccer history I had the honor of being on the All State Soccer Team as the Goal Keeper was when my team lost every game. I was the busiest goalie in all of Arizona...and I didn't block every kick.

"How did you keep going back?" She asked.

That was easy...I never quit.

"What did you learn from that?" 

Really, I didn't learn very much then...not at at the time. The good thing that came out of our losing season was that we were the first women's soccer team in our school's history. We slugged it out and established a team that now wins regional championships and has players that are highly recruited NCAA athletes. It wasn't because we lost...instead it was because we never quit trying to win.

Life has thrown our family some hard core curve balls...we have hit a few out of the park...but the majority of them has all but knocked us out of the game.

But we have never quit.

...and we are still trying to win.

The greatest teachable moments involve how we fail...and how we move on from that failure....what we learn, how we accept defeat and how we still support one another. 

That is leadership.

That is true sportsmanship.

It is not a trophy, 

or a medal, 

or a job, 

or a huge bank account....

It is guarding your heart, your soul and your mind with the gracefulness that God shows us everyday.

Think about how easy it is to project blame on others and not take responsibility for our actions ourselves....too easy.

Dangerously easy.

It is our responsibility to be graceful losers and only then can we truly appreciate winning....and never quit!

Many think that the mark of a great champion is the nature and margin of their victories and the peaks they scale and reach. That's only part of it. The mark of the greatest of champions is how they react and respond to defeat. That is when they become enshrined in our hears and minds - as they rise again and into the immortal pages of history.

- Rasheed Ogunlaru