Marital Affair as It Relates to Being Parents or Not

Relationships are defined as the interconnections of individuals in which siblinghood, friendship, marriage, and parenthood are subtypes. Everything in life has the positive and negative parts to it, including relationships.?

This article would examine the marital affair as it relates to being parents or not. Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alaee WaSalam) emphasizes on getting married which is called Aqd Nikkah in Arabic language and Igbeyawo in Yoruba language that he stated that any of his Ummah (people) who doesn’t become a significant other to another person should be removed. Allah Azzawajal also places importance on marital union that he states in many chapters and verses. The author would only make use of one or two of them. The first to be utilized is in Quran Chapter 4: An Nisa (The Women), verse 1 which states that “O Mankind, fear your Lord who created you from one soul and created from its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women”. This can also be justified with the fact that the first woman to be molded by Allah Azzawajal in the person of Hawwa was created from the rib of the first man to be created by Allah Azzawajal who was Prophet Adam (Alaee Salat WaSalam) which is why it is said that a woman is removed from the rib of a man. A second verse to be used is in Quran Chapter 7: Al-Araaf (The Heights), verse 189 mentions that “It is He who created you from one soul and created from it it’s mate that he might dwell in security with her ''. The last one to be made use of is in Quran Chapter 2: Al Baqarah (The Cow), verse 187 says that “They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them”.?

Min ba'di Ilmi watuqqah

'Imraatun solihatun (2ce)

Tomo ba kawe e tomo we

Tabi to kose e tomose

To si tun riwe eri gbasi

Ton gbo tolorun Alaranse

E ya sofun kolo woko rere fe o

Oba Oluwa a fun lomo re

It is derived from a part of an album which was composed by AbdulWaheed Ariyo titled Imo Siwaju Yigi (Knowledge Before Marriage). It is even the first or second song of the album. This summarizes what the author has been discussing about marriage and how Allah Azzawajal and Rosul make it significant.

Islam has laid the responsibilities of both individuals in the marriage that Quran Chapter 4: An Nisa: The Women, verse 34 states that “Men are the caretakers of women, because of that through which Allah has favored one over another, and because they spend of their property”. When evaluating this verse, the author would say that it means the men should take care of the women by loving, caring for, supporting, and not prioritizing anyone before her. She should not be mistaken for the priority here. She is just trying to say that the husbands should not interfere in his wife and his primary family’s fights (when that arises) so she (the wife) doesn’t become something of no use to his family which sometimes causes the huge fights that arise amongst couples. The verse is not to be disputed and it does make sense because the woman should not be permitted to work when she is in the delicate stage (pregnancy), she is lactating and she is even expected to rear the children which are strenuous jobs already. If the women’s roles are all these three aforementioned, when or how would they be able to work??

Allah Azzawajal is Ar Razaq (The Giver of Sustenance) who provides Rizq (Sustenance) to whom and when he wills, no one dares to contend with him. Some individuals are affluent while others are impoverished, that is part of the omens of Allah Azzawajal. The author of this write up would deviate a little bit from the issue at hand here but it would be connected when read properly and judiciously. Allah is Al Qadar (The Writer of Destinies) who gives the kinds of Qadr (Destiny) to his Abdun (slaves). Some people get rich when they get married. No matter what they do in life, without being a husband or wife, their efforts would be proven abortive while others do not need to get married before they become rich.?

For those the wordsmith of this article mentioned at the initial point, the couple have to work together and hard before they can make it, which that is not a dilemma at all if the wife can and would aid her King. This means the wife must and should assist her husband which Allah Azzawajal says is not necessary of the woman, but if a man sees a helping hand, he should always appreciate her and not maltreat her.?

Quran Chapter 4, verse 3 states that men are allowed four slots to marriage as far as they are just and fair to all the wives. This is mentioned by the author to bring out a point in the previous paragraph. The point is that the majority of men in this epoch tend to victimize their first wives just because they have the right to marry four women. Though, some women cause that through their nagging, indolence, insolence, and fetish lifestyles. A woman who never did any of the aforementioned should never be maltreated by her husband.?

Not all times are blissful, even individuals are not always happy every time and everyday. Some marriages that are crumbled are majorly because of domestic violence. Domestic violence is the number one reason the author would support divorce or separation between couples because she believes an individual who domestically violates the other is a beast and scalawag. She is referring to the men here because she sees that they are the gender orientation that always wants to show their superiority and alter ego which irks her a lot. If your wife offends you, is the physical aspect, especially beating of domestic violence (the most common) the next line of corrective action from you to her? Women are troublesome, that the author knows as she herself is a female. A woman might make her husband feel as if he is in AlJannah (Paradise) one minute, and the next minute, frustrate him that he could regret marrying her, even Nabi Muhammad (Sallalahu Alaee WaSalam) who is the best of men had his share in women’s trouble with Nana Aisha (Rodiallah Anha) poured the food she wasted her energy, time and sweat to prepare for her husband and his friends, including Alli (her father) away all in the name of envy and anger. He never became a beast to her by raising his hand to hit her, instead, he ate it filled with sand with love and care, and when she saw what he did, she came back to her senses and prepared him another food.?

If a man sees his wife has started her troublesome act, and he sees he is too angry at her, there are many things or ways he could do or go about it not to be frustrated such as?

1. Leave her présence

2. Starve her with sex (this would pain her most)

3. Report her to those who can talk to her

4. Do not eat her food?

It is not always the women that offend the men, it goes vice versa too. Even siblings offend themselves, yet they look for ways to apologize to themselves so that peace can reign. When the reverse (men are the offenders) is the case, these individuals become egoistic to apologize knowing that they are the superior ones which should not be so. Yorubas say “calling someone a dwarf doesn’t mean one would not go to where the person wants to go in life”. When a man even begs his wife whether he offends her or not when a rift arises makes him a wonderful and amazing man to her because she would become good to him. Sometimes, the quarrels that occur in marriages are sometimes trivial but because of anger, stubbornness and ego, the fights become enlarged.?

When and if parents divorce or separate due to the lack of stubbornness, egoistical, and anger traits, the ones at the receiving end would be their child(ren). This is because?

a. He/she/they would not know who to go with (especially when young like from babyhood-teenage hood)

b. This affects his/her/their cognition that they could become antisocial, secretive, not want to be intimate with the counterparts, hard to talk to and would not listen to others and

c. He/she/they can use their parents’ marriage to mimic his/her/their relationship with the significant other (if he/she/they happen to have one) which would be toxic to the other person because he/she/they would and are being treated badly for what was not his/her/their fault(s).

The solution that the author would like to proffer

to couples’ fights are

A. Always Pray

B. Seek for help with a marital counselor?

C. Have those who can talk to both of you

D. Consider your child(ren)‘s mental health