Marie Kondo Gives Up?

It is an admission that has shaken some parts of the internet to the core. Marie Kondo (n.b. it should be pronounce mah-ree-eh, not mah-ree) this week admitted that with her third child, she's given up on keeping her house tidy. The founder of the KonMari method, the person who introduced the expression "spark joy" as a translation for the difficult-to-translate Japanese expression "tokimeku", has been bowed by that most insidious of enemies; small children.

For me, the appeal of Marie Kondo has always been fascinating and a little confusing. Cleaning/tidying mavens are not rare in Japan. Historically, Japanese homes have been small in comparison to many other countries, which means clutter accumulates much more quickly. More importantly, in Japanese schools, students clean their own classrooms and spaces. There usually aren't janitors. Even very young children spend time every week cleaning their classrooms and workspaces.

Shinto, the indigenous, animistic religion of Japan, places a strong emphasis on cleanliness. Religion is a complex issue in Japan, not simply explained, but the majority of Japanese people follow Shinto precepts (in addition to other religions), which keeps cleanliness at the front of mind. Japanese businesses ritually clean the sidewalk in front of their stores every day prior to opening. Before visiting a Shinto shrine in Japan, a Chozuya, or ritual purification basin, is visited where the hands and mouth are cleaned before entering the grounds of the shrine. Marie Kondo spent several years as a shrine maiden as a child. From her experience of ritual cleaning, she built a cleaning/tidying consultancy by the age of 19.

In 2018, Netflix was looking for unique programming that would help it to gain market share. Netflix had a wide net, and it had significant presence in Japan, having entered Japan in September 2015. Marie Kondo was available, and had already attempted to build her brand in Japan with a 2013 TV Special, titled "The Magic of Sparking Joy in Life Through Tidying Up" (It's pretty clunky in Japanese as well.) For Netflix, Kondo came to America and visited American homes, bringing the KonMari Method with her. The tumblers all aligned, and the show was a hit, becoming something of a cultural phenomenon. America had never seen something exactly like the KonMari method, and Kondo's ASMR voice and the unique ways that Japanese language was translated into English (I have no idea how I would translate "tokimeku" that would make sense and be quick and easy to understand. "Spark joy" is a pretty good translation.)

When Marie Kondo created the KonMari method, she didn't have children. She wrote:

"To truly cherish the things that are important to you, you must first discard those that have outlived their purpose. And if you no longer need them, then that is neither wasteful nor shameful. Can you truthfully say that you treasure something buried so deeply in a cupboard or drawer that you have forgotten its existence?"

For a person who has no children, this is a fairly easy approach to life. Prior to having children, you might have some objects which have sentimental value but for the most part, you "live in the now." However what I think Marie Kondo discovered, which led her to step away from compulsive tidying, is the once you have children, so many more objects become imbued with meaning. Kids aren't little for very long, and in the process of growing up, the produce a prodigious amount of stuff, which to the unexperienced can seem like worthless junk. However for a parent, it can spark a special kind of nostalgic joy. And as your children grow and move away from you, the reminders of when they were little and you were the center of their world become ever more precious. The surly teenager who is shouting and cursing at you was once a chubby-cheeked kid who was genuinely excited to see you when you got home from work. And there are so many pieces of junk which can transport you back to those feelings. Some may feel betrayed by Ms. Kondo for abandoning the efficient and tidy world free from macaroni jewelry and fantastical abstract collections of Legos. I, on the other hand, welcome Ms. Kondo to a world where worthless objects can connect you with priceless memories. As she once said;

"I had been so focused on what to discard, on attacking the unwanted obstacles around me, that I had forgotten to cherish the things that I loved, the things I wanted to keep."

Time with your children is something that you cherish forever, and you can't keep no matter what you do. The only solution that I have found comes from the lyrics to a song written by Don Barnes, Jeff Carlisi, and Jim Peterik, "Hold on loosely, but don't let go."