Mariah, I Owe You an Apology: Grief, Joy, and Leadership in the Holidays

Please don't cancel me, yet.

Earlier this year, I had a thought that could have gotten me exiled from millennial culture: What if Mariah Carey is overrated? Yes, I said it. The Queen of Christmas. The Butterfly, Hero, Fantasy singer. Mariah.

It started with All I Want for Christmas Is You—the song we cannot escape every holiday season. Somewhere between October and December, it’s played more times than any song has a right to be. I used to love it, but recently, hearing it made me irrationally angry. I started questioning everything. Was Mariah truly one of the greats, or did we simply latch on to her because she dominated the ’90s?

But the problem wasn’t Mariah or her music. The problem was me. And this revelation came as I was making gumbo a few weeks ago, and Miss You Most (At Christmas Time)—one of her most underrated tracks—came subtly into my kitchen on accident. The haunting melody and raw vulnerability stopped me mid-rue.

It wasn’t just a song. It was a mirror. A reminder of the grief I’ve been carrying and the loss that feels sharper during the holidays.

The Grief Beneath the Glitter

This year marks another holiday season without Tarrence, the love of my life. It also marks the anniversary of losing my sister, Nicole, and so many others who’ve shaped my life like one of my dearest friends Patrice and my beloved grandparents. Each loss has left a mark, and while I often push forward, the holidays have a way of sneaking up on you, amplifying emotions you thought you had under control.

Mariah’s music—whether it’s All I Want for Christmas Is You or Miss You Most—has become a soundtrack for joy, but also for the longing and grief so many of us experience during this time.

As leaders, we often carry our grief in silence. We focus on serving others, driving results, and keeping our teams inspired, even when our hearts feel heavy. But grief, I’ve learned, is not something we can ignore. It shapes us. It informs how we lead, how we connect, and how we care.

Grief as a Catalyst for Connection

While volunteering at the Culver City Christmas tree lighting ceremony last week, I ran into a mother who had recently lost a child. She stood by the unlit tree, tears streaming, and held her other child close. Instinctively, I knew this was grief in its rawest form.

I didn’t try to fix it—some pain can’t be fixed. Instead, I stood with her. I held space for her, even for just a few moments. As the tree lit up, she smiled faintly, and I could see a flicker of light return to her eyes. It wasn’t joy, not yet, but it was something—a moment of connection.

It reminded me that grief is not just personal. It’s collective. It’s woven into the fabric of our communities. And as leaders, we have the power—and the responsibility—to do something about it.

Grief, when acknowledged, can be a powerful tool for connection. It reminds us of our shared humanity. It calls us to act—not out of pity, but out of purpose.

This is why I’m launching Goldenlite Academy’s first live talk next week, Revolutionary Grief: Leading Through Loss and Holiday Struggles. This event will explore how leaders can navigate their own grief while supporting others in meaningful ways. Whether you’ve experienced personal loss or are grappling with the collective challenges of our time, I invite you to join me and Genelle Black, a licensed therapist, for this vital conversation.

Three Tips for Leaders to Manage Grief This Holiday Season

1. Acknowledge Your Own Grief Before you can support others, take time to recognize and honor your own feelings. Grief doesn’t disappear; it demands attention. Journaling, meditating, or talking to a trusted confidant can help you process your emotions.
2. Create Space for Others As leaders, we can cultivate environments where it’s safe for people to share their struggles. Whether through team check-ins or one-on-one conversations, showing empathy and genuine care can make all the difference.
3. Turn Grief Into Action Channel the energy of grief into meaningful work. Advocate for causes that matter to your team or community. Volunteer, donate, or partner with organizations that align with your values. Purpose-driven action can be deeply healing.

A Holiday Reminder

Grief and joy are two sides of the same coin. They coexist, weaving together the tapestry of our lives. The holidays, with all their glitter and tradition, amplify this duality.

Miss You Most (At Christmas Time) hits differently now. Mariah’s voice, filled with longing and love, feels like a balm for the soul. It reminds me that grief is not something to fear. It’s a testament to the love we’ve known and the connections we’ve built. As leaders, we must honor this balance. We must hold space for both our own emotions and the needs of those we serve. Because the work of leadership isn’t just about strategy or results—it’s about humanity.

But here’s the thing: grief doesn’t have to overshadow everything. It can coexist with joy, gratitude, and hope. As we navigate this season, let’s make space for all the emotions that come with it—the laughter and the tears, the celebrations and the reflections.

And let’s take a moment to reach out, to connect, to let someone know they are seen and loved. Because if the holidays teach us anything, it’s that love endures.

Mariah, I owe you an apology. And to my readers, I offer this reminder: You can grieve and still find joy. You can miss someone and still celebrate what’s in front of you. The two are not mutually exclusive—they are simply the beauty of being human.

Message me if you need some support during this time. There are human beings here to lift you up in the dark moments....or when you're irritated by a Mariah Carey song.

Be Tender. Be Revolutionary. Be Whole.

Be Healed.

Dr. Golden