[March 2024] Newsletter

Lessons from The Bear

I was sitting in a meeting last month with a client and her boss, who is the CEO. ?Her boss mentioned that he watched this great leadership series called The Bear, and he encouraged his direct report, my client, to watch it.? I looked it up that night and decided to see what impacted her boss about this series. ?I ended up watching the entire series within a week.? Here are my findings.

The Bear is layered with meaning; the underlying messages focused on how we push love away based on our own trauma and how that can hinder our ability to stay focused and open as we lead ourselves and others and how it can push us to greatness. The lead character, Camy, was a Michelin star chef who has a raging, alcoholic mother. Camy’s brother, Michael, had just committed suicide and left his unsuccessful family restaurant to Camy.

Michael was an addict carrying on the family tradition of dysfunction and trauma. He pushed away the people he loved the most because of his addiction, as his mother did.? Camy had left the family of origin and found cooking not only as an art and a way to channel his creativity, but it also taught him focus and discipline. He became a rock star at it, and a humble one at that. His career had been fraught with leaders that belittled him into excellence. Out of his own anger at them and his brother, Camy proved them wrong and created perfection with food.?

When he took over his brother’s dump of a restaurant, he had several problems to fix, including stepping back in the trauma of his family of origin, as well as the trauma of disrespect among the staff.? In his way, Camy loved the staff, he believed they could succeed, he let them fail and learn from mistakes, while pushing them to get better. Camy guided the staff in their growth by exposing them to new ways of being and working on their craft; he set an example by how he lived and what he believed would create a well-run kitchen. He did it with a loving, patient, consistent way of being, and, at times, showing his own vulnerability when it was eating him alive.

By the end of the series, he had fallen in love with Claire and was losing his focus at work just as they were on deadline to open the restaurant. He had created the space and environment for his team to transform and find their own respect of themselves and each other, to take pride in their work and to expand more of their capacity. ?Since Camy had never experienced receiving love in this way with Claire, ?it was new territory he had to wrap his mind around.

Not knowing how to balance this act of receiving love along with all the love he was giving and trying to stay on top of everything he needed to do in order for the restaurant to open on time left Camy questioning if he needed to just do what he knows best – putting all his attention on his work.

Leadership is a balancing act of holding boundaries, being respectful, believing in success even when it looks impossible, and creating the right environment for a team to thrive. The series showed that how we lead ourselves determines how we lead others. Camy attended Al-Anon meetings, listened to those he loved as well as his team, and acknowledged them and himself, even amidst the negative self-talk and experiences that had been drilled into his subconscious. Camy also had to learn how to be open to the love that came into his life and understand how to hold it in the context of his work.

This series caused me to think about a lot of things in my own life and in the lives of friends, clients, and relationships I have experienced. Here are a few thoughts to ponder.

• The importance of seeking new landscapes to stay inspired.
• How often are you behaving and living your life from your negative thoughts verses what you know is possible?
• How much does work consume you?
• What are practices that help you be open, listen, and stay true to your discipline and work?
• By creating the balance of staying open and focused, you can lead an empowered and engaged team that does the same.

These are key questions to consider as you look at how you are leading your life, your business, your family, and your team.

It is important for all of us to learn discipline, focus, and getting the support we need. I walked away from the series looking at my own life and where my trauma has stopped me from loving more fully, from being more patient, and how it has guided me towards practices that have taught me discipline, focus, and given me choice to live my life in my own way.

As I look at my kids, my work, and those that love me, I recognize that life is a balancing act. The more we can be kind, loving, and take care of ourselves, the more we can take care of each other. This is what creates “chosen” family, which is what Camy created in this restaurant.

Let’s cultivate leadership based on caring, love, and recognizing we all have our own battles we are fighting and among the challenges, the people we care about most are always there to support us.