The many stops of life transitions

Know where you are to decide where to go.

When something abruptly ends, or when we reach irreversible conclusions, something else begins, and a transition process starts.

Breakups and layoffs are good examples of that—painful invitations to transformations of the self. In light of the current challenges of the tech industry, I want to focus today on layoffs. Although, if you recently broke up, you could take a thing or two from this.

You woke up one morning and were halfway through your cup of coffee, thinking about how your workday will be, only to be invited to a last-minute meeting to be informed you were being laid off. It's 9:34am, and you are logged out of all the systems, looking mindlessly to the bottom of the empty coffee cup on your desk. You both feel the same way.

This feels like someone pulled the rug under your feet. The experience can feel overwhelming and senseless. As time goes on, we experience this situation in a time continuum, something that happened to us and just keeps going. It could have just happened, or you are two months in, but there's no reference point to where you are. Just an overwhelming sensation of overdrive, heaviness, unclarity, and an utter feeling of being lost in space and time.

When we experience this vacuum, it is hard to get perspective and move forward. These gigantic things happened to us, and there's no map on how to proceed. Or is there?

A transition has phases, like or not. Although time is a continuum feeling (sometimes), a transition has different stages, and we live them, even if we are unaware we do.

There's the sudden end when the change happens, leaving us in shock and disbelief. There's the no man's land, where we are left lost, asking questions and looking for ways to move forward, and there are the new beginnings, where we know where we are heading or halfway there.

Knowing where you are in this process is essential to moving forward. Each phase has its own magic, needs, and timings. Surfing each of them wisely and consciously is a great gift to yourself.

I hope to help you figure out where you are in this transition and understand what you can do to overcome this challenging wave.

1. The sudden and hard ending

This massive change just happened, and you are in shock. It might feel like you are in free fall. Your beliefs and assumptions might be shaken, and your sense of identity and security may feel threatened.

We often don't honor this phase. It's unpleasant and comes with confronting feelings and thoughts. On the one hand, we want to get over this asap; on another, we might want to dwell in our misery.

What can help you in this phase is to acknowledge that something big changed beyond your control. It fucking sucks. If you tend to brush it off and move forward too soon, you will not create the space you need to process your emotions - anger, rage, fear, sadness, and disappointment. That can hinder you further and add to a backlog of unresolved emotional baggage. If you tend to move forward as soon as possible, I invite you to take some time, to sit with yourself and allow yourself to feel the feelings you are going through. As scary as it can be, it will free you from future burdens.

If, on the other hand, you are someone who tends to dwell on your feelings, this phase can be a trap. It's an open invitation to sink in and go for endless head spins. It is good to honor your emotions and feel them all, but sitting there can become too comfortable. I invite you to find ways to navigate and honor this phase without losing yourself in it. Put a deadline on when you want to start to take action, take care of your body and mind, and keep talking with people who can support you and hold you accountable.?

Everyone has different ways, tools, and mechanisms, and finding which one is yours is crucial.?

2 - The messy middle

The name says it all. Messy, confusing, and full of opportunity.

This might feel like a no-man land. Chaotic, full of possibilities, overwhelming, exciting, fearful. It's where the work and the transformation happen.?

The messy middle is where you can explore yourself and your possibilities and setup yourself up for a positive change. This might look different depending on financial, family, legal and health constraints. But it is still a phase where you can stop and consider what you want to do as your next step.

If it's finding a job right away, strategizing and planning how you are going about it, and preparing everything to increase your success can bring you far. Thoughtfully planning your use of time to achieve your goals and still having space to take care of yourself can have a more significant impact than going at it without a strategy—quality over quantity.

If you can afford the time and finances to take a step back and stop for a second, you might want to use this phase to reflect on what you want in the future - from now on.

It's a great time to rethink yourself, take stock of priorities, and consciously think about what's important to you and how you can create a better version of your life.

These processes take time and experimentation, and they get messy. But going through this mess, you get to the other side knowing more about yourself, more secure of your purpose, and more focused on what lies ahead.

No matter the spectrum you are at, this phase is about embracing the chaos, getting comfortable in being lost at times, and developing the faith and belief that you will get to your answers.

3 - New Beginnings?

You have been through a lot. You did your work. You honored the different phases, and you are starting a new one.

You got a new job. You decided to go freelance. You grabbed your backpack and hit the road—the beginning of a new phase and chapter.?

As with everything new, many feelings and a more evolved version of yourself come up. You might need time to adjust to a new reality and absorb what you have learned and changed.

I invite you to take some moments and reflect on where you are in this journey:

1. Sudden and Hard Ending

2. Messy Middle

3. New Beginning?

What's that you can do to move along the journey?

What needs to happen?

Give yourself some space to feel, listen and understand where you are in this journey. It will not take long, help yourself get oriented, and bring more clarity.

To consider….

Each person has their circumstances. Some might require moving forward as fast as possible, and some don't. No matter what, everyone goes through these phases - more or less compressed - but they do. Knowing them and identifying where you are will help you decide the next best thing to do for yourself and your goals.

Pay attention to your mental health, and seek support from family, friends, and health professionals if necessary. If you feel depressed or can't get out of negative loops, seek counseling or psychological support.

If you would like a companion to help you navigate this period, keep you focused and action-oriented, and hold you accountable for your progress, I'm happy to do so. You can book a free call via the link.

You have more in you than you think!

If you feel like a chat book a free 30min call via the link

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