The Many Faces Of Self-Sabotage

You almost make it, but you stop.

You're almost satisfied.

To make one goal, you sacrifice something important.

If you don't become aware of the many faces of self-sabotage, you start to think this dangerous thought: "Maybe this form of success is not meant for me."

If you need the stars to align or the lines on your palm to tell you whether something is meant for you or not, I can do that for you. Let me become that someone who is capable of putting these beliefs in you.

<Note: This image is not meant to offend anyone. I personally believe in the divine. It only becomes an issue when the divine is used to enter disempowering thoughts into an individual's mind.>

You've been conditioned to believe that "having it all" is not available. And no, your date of birth and time can never tell you that struggles are meant to be your "fate."

There is something that can tell you why you have your painful issues.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - Carl Jung

Are you constantly running into walls, find yourself stagnant or stuck, and having a hard time achieving goals? What you have are disempowering beliefs... that belongs to your child self. Meaning, these are beliefs you have were formed from when you were between the ages of 0-7.

We are meaning making machines to every single data we gather through our senses. We form our identity, world view, and construct what the world means to us from a very young age, and these beliefs become our operating system.

If you want lasting success and growth, then you must become skilled at facing the many disguised forms of self-sabotage.

The root cause of self-sabotage is always in the subconscious. It's impossible to locate it by prying your thoughts consciously.

Self-sabotage becomes stronger and more alluring as you succeed more. If you want more success faster, you must learn to rapidly recognize and treat the self-sabotage at its root cause.

Self-sabotage is a ninja master and an expert changer that speaks to many of your fears. Sometimes it feels like an invisible force. Sometimes it's like a mysterious smoke. It tricks you to think that you actually needed to make those decisions.

It often appears in front of you, taking the form of something legitimate, sexy, and appealing... like a sudden desire to research to buy a new car, a new puppy to take care of, go on many dates, find more certifications and courses to add to your pile of to-do's, or a shiny new idea that takes you away from focusing your energy to live and build your calling.

Let's make this even better. Let's marry someone who doesn't want you become who you want you to be. And better yet, how about another baby? That'd a sure way to take you away from your calling.

Since it feels really empty inside when all the deeds are done... let's attempt to feel better by traveling and going out for drinks.

Forget it. Things are going so well. Let's just get into a car accident, fight with my spouse... oh I know, it's time to cheat on my partner! (Hey, Bill Clinton!)

Awareness is a game changer. When you recognize your self-sabotage and become aware of its root cause, you experience a shift and can no longer go back to be the same.

7 Common Forms of Self-Sabotage:

1.Procrastination

When you can do something tomorrow, or wait until you're more ready, then it makes you believe that you're going to be doing it... creating just enough of that desired feeling that mimics the feeling of actually doing the work.

You continuously visualize doing the work by replaying your desires in your head, but not taking action. Then you realize... wow... I have no results! That's strange?

The resistance to do work that moves the needle always hits the hardest when it comes to projects that mean the most to you. If you haven't been using your mind to your advantage, you become really creative at avoiding doing the work that is meant to be your life's work. Your negative subconscious rules over you.

Why change today when you can change tomorrow? This sounds better than saying, "I refuse to change." It leaves you with a great amount of false "hope," the false idea that you're doing something about it, and a huge pile of regrets that you can later take to your grave.

2. Busy

Busy people have a lot going on and have very little time for important things, like actually creating the life and work that they desire. Instead, they are busy... doing stuff.

You don't even remember what these activities were.

Doing stuff for others and piddling around. Doing random "work" that doesn't move the needle. If this is you, you are unaware of the value of your time. Busy people, sadly, also have very little awareness when it comes to how they spend their money. Money disappears... regardless of income. Didn't have time to think about it!

"Busy" keeps you away from reflecting, as well as thinking clearly and strategically. That means you never "have time" to face the music that is required to get to the next level. If you don't grow consistently, you die. You kill your important life mission and project. That's the ultimate self-sabotage.

3. Love and Connection

Self sabotage can seem so loving, that's why it's so hard! Oh... my kids need me ALL THE TIME, and I have to give them EVERYTHING that they ask for. I have to show up to every baseball game, sit there at every ballet class. My boss needs me. My parents need me. I must fulfill all their needs first... and I come last.

Just when I was about to do something important, a friend calls, crying. After 2 hours... it's time to go to bed!

Sadly, you've been building everyone else's dream. You give it all away, and there's nothing left for you.

Also, your kids, parents, friends don't want you to sacrifice. You choose this. As I said in my past article... nobody wants to be responsible for your lack of fulfilment. You're putting that on them because you feel guilty, and that's your issue.

You are actually feeling guilty about deserving what you desire. If you are always there for your family and friends, you can avoid this guilt, and also feel important and accepted. It also makes you look really good, as someone nice with such great values.

What are you so afraid to face?

And maybe your loved ones do want you. However, it's nobody but your own responsibility to set boundaries.

4. The Savior / The Guru Syndrome

Mulling over the bad news around the world that you can't do anything about. Talking about problems over and over without offering any solution. Sound familiar?

Do you know experts who haven't resolved their own issues? A health expert with massive gut issues that is barely under control? A broke financial advisor? A tax accountant who hasn't filed taxes the last few years?

Here is an interesting form of self-sabotage. Being too busy saving others that you forget to save yourself first... offering the kind of help you need while neglecting yourself?

Gossiping and discussing other people's life as if you're an expert is also a massive form of self-sabotage. The Saviour does this so they don't have to think about their own issues.

5. Inability to Receive

You choose not to reward yourself with love, a fair salary, a healthy working environment, and healthy lifestyle choices... because struggle is the familiar pattern.

Got a raise or made a great sale? Let's spend that money real fast because deep inside, you don't feel deserving of security, no matter how much you earn. Got a promotion? Let's eat something really bad or get so drunk so you can't perform. Relationship is going well? Let's pick a fight, or cheat on the spouse. Business is booming? Let's start a new project somewhere in the clouds to drain the healthy revenue... etc, etc.

When struggle is the familiar and the feeling of "having it all" is unfamiliar, understand that it's out of your conscious control to choose anything but the familiar... the struggle continues in a cycle.

6. Shiny Object Syndrome

Start and stop, or start over multiple times. Inconsistency means you just scratch the surface over and over again. You never have to go deep in to the work to make something out of it... even though, you've been putting in so many hours!

Looking for instant gratification from yet another shiny object means that you're refusing to allow yourself to live out your deepest calling. When you know your calling, there is no shiny object syndrome. You know exactly where you need to channel yourself. You know what activities will get you there. Then it's about visualizing that outcome and putting in the work every single day.

7. All That and a Bag of Chips Syndrome

Here's what I hear very often: "I've read about this and I've already got this. I don't need any help." "I studied this and I know all about it."

Worse... "I know I have this issue I haven't been able to resolve for years, but I already know what's in my subconscious. I've thought about it."

WTF. Excuse the profanity, but really... wtf. Have you put your brain in a glass jar in blue liquid and took notes?

One of the key rules of the mind is that working your conscious mind will cause your subconscious to become inactive... so you can't consciously find the root cause. Ever.

Oh yeah? If you're so good, your life should be perfect. But it's not, is it?

Inability to seek the right kind of help is the greatest form of self-sabotage. Not one great master has ever spoken of doing it all on their own. They all stood on the shoulders of giants, meaning, those who succeed seek help from someone who has done the exact deed and could guide them. It takes a solid growth mindset to know what kind of help is required. It takes the kind of mindset to know that you deserve something much better, and are willing to put in the consistent work.

It takes the kind of mindset that already understands that mindset is the beginning of all forms of success.

It also takes the kind of mindset that makes the work removing self-sabotage a priority.

To no surprise, my best clients are high earners, at about $20K-$50K a month, and have incredible relationships. Yet, they have the mindset where they seek more growth. Why do they have such an incredible life? Because they made this life a priority.

All That and a Bag of Chips syndrome is the worst of all 7 forms of self-sabotage. It's a sure way to end up in a miserable mid-life crisis, mental break down, and a dissatisfied life that is full of regrets.

Only your current life, business / career, and relationship state can speak for how much you actually know, how much self-awareness you have, and how much your past efforts have actually got the root causes of the issues you've been wanting to solve.

Only humble, relentless curiosity, as well as continuous direction, focus, and taking appropriate action, leads to real lasting success.

You need courage to release any attachment to the forms of self-sabotage that is keeping you stagnant. Many people have learned to attach their identity to their most vicious form of self-sabotage.

Not sure where to start with this elusive idea of living your "calling"?

You can download my Legacy Worksheet to map out your current direction in your career, and gain clarity on moving forward.

Or schedule a call to discuss your specific situation and my solutions for living a satisfied life of passion, purpose, work-life integration and fulfilment.

About the Author:

Julia Cha is a best-selling author and a success coach for women leaders ready to shatter glass ceilings. With her expertise in subconscious transformation, she guides her clients to create their dream life in all aspects: a thriving career, financial abundance, and supportive relationships.

Learn more: www.juliacha.com