A mantra to the unhealthy caregiver
Are you an Caregiver? see if you can relate to the description below:
The second type is the caregiver; this model of personality defines people who have to do something (and sometimes everything) For others to feel accomplished, because to give and receive recognition is very important to them, this is particularly important rule if we are talking about people who mean something for the helpers, they are always happy top help, but are bad at asking for help themselves, they don’t express their needs, instead, they expect others to read them and most of the times have To do everything by themselves, the caregiver must fully give himself to others to feel loved, it is a caring, supportive, and relationship-oriented type, but can be considered intrusive and demanding by People who don’t share this vision.
A mantra to the unhealthy caregiver:
Even-tough I feel like I have to be a certain way in my relationships, in order to belong, be wanted, fit in, I deeply and completely accept myself, Even-tough I feel I have to put everyone else needs first, in order to be a good partner, a good friend, a good colleague, a good parent, I deeply and completely love and accept myself, even-tough I see how that is a problem, to always put my needs last, and put everybody else first, or maybe I feel conflicted about whether or not that’s a problem, I see how I’m not getting what I need, but part of what I need is to belong, and to be loved as a parent, a partner, a friend, so I honor the conflict in this for me.
Feeling sad and conflicted, about having my own needs, and having to meet everybody else, not knowing where that line is, where do other people needs stop and my start, and what about when my needs go against what they need, will people still like me, if I do what I want to do, and what I need, instead of what they want, that feels really scary, just all the fear that comes up from that, all the fear and sadness in my body as I think about doing what I want, and maybe disappointing people, angering people, that feels hard, I can see them in my mind’s eye, looking at me like what are you doing, you can’t just go ahead and do whatever you want, you can’t just go ahead and go to a movie by yourself, and not take us with you, you can’t just say no to this, you can’t just decide you don’t want to make dinner, I feel that pain, in my chest, tightness in my throat.
Maybe I can learn, to change my view, that deep belief I have that I have to put everybody else first, maybe I can trust that I belong, as I am, for what I need, with my needs as they are, and that people still want me around, that my needs are accepted too, and I can take action to get them met, and to be in a relationship, I can take action to meet my needs and be a good partner, a good parent, a good friend, I can meet my own needs, and ask for them to be met, and still be a good person, maybe even its good to ask for my needs, maybe I can change my thinking about myself and say, good people ask for their needs to be met, and take the time to take care of themselves, in balance with taking care of others.
little bit info About the Mantra:
I have studied, some bits, of the relatively new, personality psychology, specifically the "Enneagram of personality" method, which comprises that the personality we have, is a mere defensive reaction to the world around us, or a tendency, just like we tend to write with our left hand, and could be changed, and improved, for our own benefit.
According to the "Enneagram of personality", we have nine types of personality, all of us could be prescribed with one of the nine types, whereas, we may have more than one affiliation, but always we will have one which is dominant.
I have created a mantra, that could be read, by each type, and could help start the change required to be a more emotionally and mentally healthy person, the mantra should be read out-loud, as a whole, and also could be copied by writing to a note-book, I was inspired by Bo Laursen, David Fauvre, Russ Hudson, Joshua French, Richard Rohr, Iain McNay, Tom Condon, Rachel Alexandria.