The mantra of more...and how to find satisfaction

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At a time when many people in our world have higher standards of living than any previous time in human history, there seems to also be a paradoxical and pervasive feeling of lack.?Many of us are blessed not only with having our basic needs met, but also the kind of affluence that our ancestors could never have imagined. And a level of material comfort that is still wildly out of reach for millions of people.

So what is behind this sense of not enough??And how can we move towards greater satisfaction with what we already have?

Mistaking affluence for abundance:?I’ve talked before about 'poverty mind'- the notion that no matter how much we acquire in our external lives, we feel like we are still falling short.?Be it in terms of financial wealth, the size of our house, the things we own or the titles we possess.?This feeling highlights a deeper discontent, possibly stemming from a void in our internal lives.?

What we are really seeking, is a feeling of abundance which need not hinge on our external circumstances.?Happiness, as they say, is an inside job.?By confusing abundance with affluence, we end up focusing on external sources of contentment, when really we should be turning inward.??We keep grasping for and clinging to the idea of more, maybe in the hope of getting validation from others, or simply as a source of security and safety.?But where does that leave us if our fortunes change and our sense of self and abundance is tied to them?

Chasing the extraordinary:?Linked closely with abundance is the idea of success, which is sometimes called a 'gateway drug'.?We can become addicted to success, however we might define it.?And so, with every success comes the fear of failure and the pressure of outperforming ourselves in the future.??Yet achievements and fame can quickly lose their luster both in our eyes and in others'.?The much loved Mr. Rogers used to say 'Fame, is a four letter word'.?It can be taken away as quickly as it comes.?And he often reminded people that 'you don't have to do anything sensational for people to love you.'

In his book 'The Good-Enough Life', Princeton philosopher and author Avram Alpert, discusses our societal obsession with achieving greatness and being extraordinary.?For example, we may feel like it is not enough to get a solid education, we must strive for the Ivy Leagues.?It is no longer sufficient to be active and healthy, we have to train for ultra-marathons.?Or go to excess in any number of areas of life in order to feel successful. He outlines the individual and collective costs of this status driven approach to living, including stress, anxiety, damaged relationships, environmental impacts and a world divided into winners and losers.?He argues that instead of trying to climb societal pyramids we can shift our efforts towards sufficiency and satisfaction.

Confusing satisfaction with settling:??Unfortunately many of us equate satisfaction with complacency or laziness.?And label ourselves or other people as such.?Yet true satisfaction has nothing to do with lack of effort.?On the contrary, when our work or personal life is rooted in contentment, we can actually do more.?We can be driven by curiosity and creativity rather than the need for success or egoic validation.

We may also fear that being satisfied will make us 'ordinary'.?But there is nothing ordinary about anyone's life.?Because each person comes from unique circumstances, has individual talents and aptitudes, and adds something different to the tapestry of human experience.

So while the mantra of ‘more is better’ seems to be all around us, we can try to think critically about it and question whether it is resulting in a meaningful life.?We can still work towards goals, keep trying to learn, achieve new levels of proficiency.?And at the same time work to disentangle our self worth from these outcomes.?This is a tall order for most of us no doubt, but one that is well worth the effort.