Mansplaining and Explaining Are Distant Cousins/The Difference is Important

Imagine being in a meeting, and your male colleague or fellow board member dominates the discussion and goes on and on and on and on, often taking input only from other men in the room.???

This is a frustrating yet common experience that most women have faced in the workplace. In my 40-plus years working and serving on boards, I’ve watched a lot of professionals, especially men, talk over and over-talk. They manterrupt, deliver long manologues, and mansplain. It’s so bad that today mansplaining has been reduced to a meme.

While many people laugh off the idea of mansplaining, it’s a source of frustration that women deal with daily. As a practicing lawyer and retired Georgia Supreme Court Chief Justice, I can assure you that women experience the phenomenon even after proving themselves at the highest echelons of their professions. I don’t think most men are doing it to be offensive. But I do think it’s a problem that we need to keep talking about.

There’s an important conversation to have about this topic, especially during Women’s History Month, that doesn’t just boil down to accusing, vilifying, or insulting men. I think most men would be horrified if they fully understood how patronizingly their words land.

Let’s talk about why mansplaining is an insidious part of our culture. It starts with understanding what mansplaining looks like.

Mansplaining, Explained

Mansplaining is not just talking to someone in a condescending and patronizing tone. It’s that but also assuming that you possess more knowledge than the person you speak with simply because you are a man and she is a woman. When a man is mansplaining, he has essentially decided that he is the “expert in the room” without any basis for having this confidence. Even a man with the credentials to speak may take too many forceful liberties to ensure he comes across as the final authority. Meanwhile, a mansplaining man hasn’t stopped to consider that perhaps the person he is speaking with might actually have background knowledge or expertise regarding the topic.

Mansplaining also manifests as unsolicited advice. Just think of a scenario where a man “helpfully” tells a woman he encounters on a wilderness trail, a dark city street, or some other setting to “be careful.” This sort of mansplaining can be tinged with underlying, implied paternalism, not appropriate for a woman who is not your daughter.???

Why Is Mansplaining So Offensive?

Mansplaining can feel degrading. Regardless of intention, it acts to silence and disrupt women’s voices. In workplace situations, it does this publicly because men often speak over, interrupt, or dismiss women’s comments in meetings. Women are often branded “incompetent until proven otherwise” in these settings. When a man “explains” the intricacies of her job or area of expertise to her in front of others, it implies that she doesn’t know what she’s doing. Mansplaining manifests the idea that women are less credible than men.

What’s the Difference Between Mansplaining and Explaining?

Nobody wants to put a gag order on men in the conference room. It’s essential for all people, regardless of gender, to engage in knowledge-sharing conversations. And, of course, there are times when men should explain things to women as part of the “give and take” of professional and personal interactions. There are also times when men should be assertive about topics they’re both passionate and knowledgeable about. However, the glaring difference between explaining and mansplaining is that only one is solicited, appropriate for the setting, and self-aware. The other is not. Here’s a breakdown of how to identify mansplaining versus explaining:

? While a man who is explaining might wait to be asked a question, a mansplaining man will jump in with answers before anyone has expressed a need for them.

? While a man who is explaining might ask about the other person’s qualifications or familiarity, a mansplaining man assumes that the other person is starting at zero.

? While a man who is explaining might defer to the person in the room with the qualifications to answer a question, a mansplaining man will “talk over” everyone else to provide input.

? While a man who is explaining may ask if the other person would like their opinion based on the details they’ve shared so far, a mansplaining man will offer a “diagnosis.”

I don’t think that mansplaining is typically done maliciously. Mansplaining is rooted in cultural conditioning and gender stereotypes that leave men feeling they must enter every interaction with a fa?ade of having all the answers. While some men may undoubtedly take over the conversation as a way to insult or belittle women they feel are out of bounds, most men do it entirely subconsciously. Many may even do it out of the fear of vulnerability that comes with being caught “without the answers to everything.” They may subconsciously see every conversation as a chance to prove their worth instead of sharing genuine knowledge.

Keep Explaining Mansplaining to People

It will take a long time to eradicate mansplaining everywhere, from the grocery store to the judge’s chambers. I’m encouraged that many professional men I know are thankful when someone explains mansplaining.

For men, the next time you feel yourself piping up, my advice is to ask yourself if it’s really your turn to provide an answer. You should also know that women often feel uncomfortable about bringing mansplaining up because calling someone out for it is basically an accusation. Be the one to ask the women you work with if they’ve ever experienced mansplaining. Ask them to tell you if you ever do it to them.

For women, my advice is never to stop using your voice just because subconscious feelings compel men in the room to get louder than you.