MAN'S BEST FRIEND IS KANE-9

In one of the old Mad Max films (which it would appear Mr. Gibson rather took to-heart in real life) there is a chant from the crowd “Two men enter, one man leaves”. It has nothing to do with the Northern Tube Line at rush hour in London but relates to a post-apocalyptic cage fight. In my case it was ‘Three Men Leave, Four Creatures Return’.

Nine years ago, in a moment of blinding brilliance, I decided to get a dog. I’d had a dog before but there had been quite a gap. Coming out of a cafe one evening, I espied two ladies sitting outside with a breed that I didn’t recognise – I enquired and discovered they were Mini-Schauzers (the dogs, not the ladies). They then launched into the best sales-pitch and endorsement I’d ever heard since I watched an Infommercial on TV and bought a steam cleaner that I believe is still in its packaging.

A few days later, my partner, ever the professional marketeer, had researched Mini-Schnauzer fully-accredited breeders and our twin sons and I set off ‘just to have a look’. ‘Just having a look’ at puppies is like being ‘just a little pregnant’. It’s hopeless. You’re hooked instantly. It’s love at first sight.

I called home from the car. “You know that three of us left this morning? Yeah… well… erm, there’s four of us coming back”. Cue mad scrabbling to the local pet shop to get the bare essentials for a seven week old puppy. When I say ‘essentials’ think of a 40 feet container lorry and you’d be fairly close.

So Ebony joined our little band. Were the twins excited? Quote “We don’t think we’re ready to accept any responsibility at this stage” was their joint issued statement. I kid you not. They are now twenty and at Uni and I don’t recall them ever taking Ebony out for a walk unless it is accompanied by “Are you kidding? Really? Why? She looks tired. It’s too cold / hot /windy / I can’t be arsed”. Kids eh?

Ebony is the centre of my universe. I fully and frankly admit it. I miss her if we’re not together due to work committments (that would be mine, no hers, for clarity) and, without a doubt, it was the best money I have ever spent.

There is a bond between man and dog that is truly unbreakable. It is almost psychic. Does she talk to me? Of course, endlessly. She knows my thoughts, my moods, my stresses, my joys. It really is quite uncanny. She can sense if I’m not well and instantly adjust her manner.

The benefits of dog ownership are many, varied and immense. Mini-Schnauzers are called ‘companion dogs’ in that they love company, and guess what, so do I. So when I’m writing yet another edit on a long piece of work, sitting at my desk for endless hours downing yet another double-espresso, I never feel lonely. Ever.

Dogs need exercise. Oddly enough, so do men over forty. It is the perfect symbioses. It makes you leave the house, get out into the fresh (ish) air and walk. The more you do it, the more it becomes addictive. You meet other dog-owners, you realise that there really is life outside of your laptop screen. This brings its own benefits. Walking not only helps to keep you vaguely fit (Mo Farrah is not having sleepless nights) but it releases endorphins that raise your mood and help to combat the blues. At the very least you get off your ever-spreading backside.

Owning a dog offers so many more life-hacks and advantages. Stuck at a boring dinner party / blind date / meeting? “So sorry , I have to go, must let my dog out”. The perfect get-out clause. Sitting in a cafe and a bit tongued-tied? No problem – people will walk over to your table and start petting your dog even before the converation flows like fine wine.

Dog ownership makes you realise that the world actually does not revolve around you. Water, food, treats, exercise, grooming all combine to make you play second-fiddle to your canine pal. Then there’s the endless joy of the vast pet supermarkets. This opens up a whole new world of excitement, Trust me, you never knew just how much ‘stuff’ you simply can’t resist as you wander along the goodie-laden aisles. Plus, if you have kids or grandchildren, think of the pet supermarket as a really convenient and 100% free zoo. They love all the rabbits and whatever those small furry things are scurrying around. Mice, hamsters, I have no idea.

A dog is not an animal or a pet. A dog is the best friend you will ever have. Unquestioning loyalty, always an enthusiastic greeting at any time of day or night and someone who will listen patiently to your hopes, fears and aspirations.

It’s not just my view , medical research has proven that dog ownership actually lowers your blood pressure as it has a postive, calming effect. It even speeds-up post operative recovery time. Those pooches are powerful medicine with no nasty side-effects. But beware, they are highly addictive!

C June 2018 Russ Kane - Founder of The Espresso Bar Facebook Group for Men 40+