Manipulation vs Motivation

Manipulation vs Motivation

Intent is the foundation of trust. ~ Mack Story

Note: The following is an excerpt from Chapter 3: "Why do we influence? Intent is the foundation of trust." from my book, Defining Influence.

Why is there so much distrust in our lives, in our families, in our workplace, in our government, in general all over the world? It comes down to why we do what we do and why others do what they do.

The intent behind what we do transfers to others. They can see it. They can feel it. We cannot hide our intent. We shouldn’t need to hide it.

Everything we do and say has the potential to influence others. But, why do we actually do what we do and say what we say? Why we influence others, our intent, comes down to two complicated reasons seeming simple at first: manipulation and motivation. There is a very fine but important line between these two words.

When we are manipulating someone, we are using our influence for our benefit. When we are motivating someone, we are using our influence for mutual benefit. Both parties get something out of it. There is a good, solid reason for us to take action.

Merriam-Webster’s definition of manipulation:

• to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage

The key component of this definition is “especially to one’s own advantage.” When you are using your influence to manipulate someone into doing something, only you receive advantage or benefit.

Stop and Think: When someone manipulates you, do they build trust or create distrust? Do they have more or less influence?

Merriam-Webster’s definition of motivation:

• the act or process of giving someone a reason for doing something

The key component of this definition is “giving someone a reason for doing something.” When you are using your influence to motivate someone to do something, there is mutual advantage or benefit. A reason or benefit not only for you, but also for them.

Stop and Think: When someone motivates you, do they build trust or create distrust? Do they have more or less influence?

When you believe, “I’m here to serve others.” you begin to motivate others. You move others to action. However, when you believe “Others are here to serve me,” you begin to manipulate others. High level leadership is about motivation. Low level leadership is about manipulation. Which person has better intent: someone wanting to serve others or someone wanting to be served by others?

Who decides if something is an advantage or benefit for you? You do. How can someone else truly know what is valuable to you at any given moment based on the circumstances in your life? They can’t.

Likewise, you do not get to decide if someone else is benefiting or gaining an advantage. They do. They decide if there is a reason for them to act, not you. It makes perfect sense to me. How about you? I decide for me. You decide for you. Pretty simple.

We must realize what may be motivation for one person may be manipulation to another person because people are different.

Different people live with different circumstances in their lives. We have different relationships with different people. Different people see things differently based on where they are and where they have been. They have different views of the world. They see it as they are, not as it is.

Every relationship we have is different. There is no cookie cutter, one size fits all approach to influence. To be an effective leader (person of influence), we must be dynamic while learning and applying leadership principles.

FREE downloads available:

Click here now for a FREE download of the entire leadership principle-packed Chapter 11, "Get Out of the Way and Lead" from the first book in my Demystifying Leadership Series: Defining Influence. In this nearly 20 page chapter, I share about:

·      Managing vs Leading

·      Scarcity vs Abundance

·      Formal Authority vs Moral Authority

·      The 5 Types of Leaders

·      Compare/Contrast 17 Manager vs Leader Perspectives

Click here to access the first 5 chapters of “Blue-Collar Leadership: Leading from the Front Lines.”

·      Ch. 1: I’m one of you.

·      Ch.2: I believe in you.

·      Ch.3: You’re in the perfect place.

·      Ch. 4: Common sense is never enough.

·      Ch.5: There is an “I” in Team.

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Make an impact!

Mack Story

My passion is to help you live with abundance, achieve success, choose significance, and leave a legacy. In other words, I want to help you make a High Impact !