Toothache of the Mind: When Suffering Compounds

Author: Vishy (Viswanathan) Sankara

The ICU Experience: A Lesson in Perspective

Many moons ago in November 2006, my father was undergoing treatment at SICU (surgical ICU) at the Fortis Hospital, Bannerghatta Road (then Wockhardt). He was there for 4 days. Patients who have undergone surgery are placed immediately after their operation in SICU. Some come back to life through the ICU, move to the normal ward, and then get back to their homes and lives. Some others decide to end their suffering. My father chose the second option. There were around 12 – 14 beds in that SICU if my fading memories are right. My father’s bed was in a corner of that big hall. During the visitation hours, it was a short walk from the entrance. Outside the hall, on a notice board, the hospital displayed the name of the patient, their age, and the doctor who led the surgery. There was an infant in that place at that time, too. While I have forgotten her name, she was just 3 months old. She too was taken care of by Dr. Vivek Jawali, the heart surgeon who operated on my father.

Wisdom from a Heart Surgeon

Once, while I was meeting him to enquire about my father, I asked him about that baby girl. My question was whether it was tougher to operate on a major spot on such a tiny body. His reply surprised me and has stayed with me since…

He said, “On the contrary, babies cry only when they have real physical pain or they need something essential for their survival. Like when they are hungry or thirsty or they are in some kind of physical discomfort. It can be taken care of quite easily. When we grow up and become adults, we cry for everything in this world. Real or imaginary. Physical or mental. And it becomes more difficult. “

I did understand what he said to an extent. After some 18 years of living, not living, trying to read a bit of philosophy, Buddhism, and practicing Zen, it was interesting to reflect on what he said, in hindsight.

His reply sounds so sage-like now.

Understanding Dukkha: The Buddhist Perspective?

Buddha’s first teaching at Sarnath, which is termed as Four Noble Truths, has the word ‘suffering’ in all of them. As per his followers, Buddha is said to have uttered the word, ‘Dukkha.’ Though many translate the word Dukkha as suffering, I would reckon ‘unsatisfactoriness’ to be a closer translation. The Pali word ‘dukkha,’ usually translated as “suffering,” has a more subtle range of meanings . Oriental traditions and thoughts are much more nuanced than the Occidental ones. Many times, much is lost in translation. It’s also sometimes described metaphorically as a wheel that is off its axle.

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It is important to remember that traditional and ‘conservative’ Buddhists ascribe everything in the Tripitaka to Buddha himself. Many Buddhist scholars have identified inconsistencies in those teachings. As with anything in life, the generations who passed it on to their descendants would have made some ‘value additions’ to them. Zen Master AMA always reminds us to treat them critically. I for one, as a Zen student, only swear by the ‘Kalama Sutra.’ Maybe that is how a rebellious and questioning mind reached the gateless gate of Zen, AMA Samy, and Bodhi Sangha.?

Just a few months back, after witnessing my overzealousness in devouring the books on Zen and philosophy, AMA said to me, “One should not be attached too much to even Zen and self-realization. That too, would be un-Zen-like.” Maybe, people like Nagarjuna lived that way and the result was Mahayana Buddhism and Zen. When the Camel of Buddhism was made to pass through the needle hole of one of the greatest rationalist minds that ever lived, it resulted in Madhyamika Karaka. It is not for nothing that someone like Jan Westerhoff, a noted authority on the religious traditions of the Orient, named Nagarjuna as one of the greatest philosophers and rationalists who ever lived. While Mahayana Buddhists call him the Second Budha, for Zenists, he is the first one.

The Three Types of Dukkha

Coming back to toothache of the mind, there are 3 types of Dukkha as per the Buddhist teachings. Dukkha-dukkha which means the suffering of suffering.?

Viparinama Dukkha, the suffering of change, and Sankhara Dukkha, the suffering of existence. The toothache of the mind belongs to the first one. The suffering of suffering.??

The Mind's Amplification of Suffering

The real toothache that afflicts one’s body is curable and may end as the wheel of life rolls on. But it is difficult to cure the toothache of the mind. Have you ever observed patients waiting for their turn at a dentist’s clinic? One suffers a lot more than necessary when one does not know how to suffer. It is our mind that makes a (probable) fleeting moment of pain in the future to an eternal one in our minds from the present moment onwards.

It is no different in other avenues of our life. When we were engineering students, we “suffered” looking for jobs. Even when we landed a good job, we “suffered” because of the long working hours, a demanding boss or client, or even a colleague who managed to negotiate better pay than us or who received a restricted stock unit. We “suffer” when we don’t have a car. And when we have one, we again suffer imagining the possible traffic block at Hebbal flyover or the Silk Board Junction. Bangaloreans will relate.?

While Buddha’s noble 8-fold path talks about ending the suffering and the path to Nibbana, I tend to think that some suffering of existence (Sankhara Dukkha) is real and alive for many of us ordinary humans. As Thich Nhat Hanh said, “If we learn to suffer well, we suffer less from suffering.”

Learning to Suffer: Building Mental Resilience

How do we learn to suffer? How do we build those mental muscles and develop mental resilience?

Stoicism is one of the ways. However, I found it very dry and robot-like. It teaches you to anticipate what will happen and prepare yourself for it. Like a vaccination dose.

In my humble view, Orientalist practices are better.

Acceptance: The First Step to Managing Suffering

First, it’s about accepting reality as it is. Accepting reality as it is or seeing the world with a clear mind. Realizing that life is what happens to you when you have other plans. When one gets Tinnitus (like me!), and learns that there is no cure for it, one suffers only when one refuses to accept that fact of life. A few years ago, I experienced a deep depression due to tinnitus. Everything (friends, motivational talks, psychiatrists, medicines) helped only to a certain extent. It was then that I found that meditation was the most helpful.

My psychiatrist, when I met him for the first time during my days of depression, did not rush to prescribe medicines. He told me that no one can withstand perfect silence. The maximum time one could stay in an anechoic chamber (the quietest place in the world) is just a few minutes.?

Let me quote from an article from Smithsonian, which I treasure in Evernote library, “Everybody seems to be looking for a little peace and quiet these days. But even such a reasonable idea can go too far. The quietest place on Earth, an anechoic chamber at Orfield Laboratories in Minnesota, is so eerily noiseless that visitors have used it to see how long they can stand the sound of their own bodies. Inside the room, it’s silent—so silent that the background noise is measured in negative decibels, meaning it’s below the threshold of human hearing. With no audible background noise to cover it up, visitors report hearing the sound of blood pumping in their heads or moving through their veins, according to Caity Weaver of the New York Times Magazine . Or, as Casey Darnell writes for the Star Tribune , you can even hear the sound of your eyelids shutting upon blinking.”

Those who have practiced Vipassana meditation often report experiencing bodily sensations and even hearing the internal voice of their cells around the 7th or 8th day, as they delve deeper into their minds. This suggests a natural inclination towards self-awareness. However, this is different from the experience of an anechoic chamber.

The Power of Silence and Meditation

Speaking from personal experience, when you meditate on Tinnitus, you realize that it is not one flat ghost noise in your mind; there are finer nuances to it. It changes tunes and rhythms, almost becoming musical sometimes. You realize that Tinnitus is not different from you. You are Tinnitus. Once you reach a state of acceptance, it recedes to a far corner in the vast galaxy of your brain. Instead of yearning for silence, the "aha moment" comes when you begin meditating on tinnitus without fighting it. Silence of the mind is different from the silence of sound. Even at the top of the Himalayas, you can get troubled by silence, while you can be at peace with yourself even in the midst of the Silk Board flyover traffic jam, with horns blaring on all sides.?

Accepting life as it happens to you at any moment is the first lesson on how to suffer and master suffering.

While there is a famous saying, “What you resist, persists,” it is important to understand that acceptance is not the same as blind acceptance of learned helplessness. Not at all. Instead, it just means being aware of life as it occurs to you, seeing reality as it is. We need to remember that every border line that we draw between our experiences and us are possible battlelines as well. It is in that choiceless awareness that your suffering becomes extinguished.

Gratitude: A Scientific Approach to Well-being

The second step is living a life of gratitude. It is about being thankful of non-toothache, while you are done with your stint of toothache. When we experience these ailments, our primary desire is often to be free from pain. But in the absence of pain, do we ever tell ourselves, “what a nice day, what a nice moment! No tooth-aches!”

It is not just some heartwarming Chicken Soup for the Soul stuff! A scientific study conducted by Scott Barry Kauffman revealed that gratitude is the most predictive factor of one’s well-being. The love of learning comes second. Every other trait or character strengths are a distant third to last.

This aligns with my personal experience. After starting a daily gratitude journal, inspired by Dr. Martin Seligman, I noticed a positive transformation in my life. I'll share more about this in a future blog post.

Embracing Life's Simple Joys

So, let's count our blessings, find the silver lining in every situation, and appreciate the simple joys like a delicious idli vada, a hot cup of South Indian filter coffee, a smile from a loved one, a friendly bark from Jackie Mu, or a kind act from a stranger. We can easily find three blessings every day.

It's so simple and straightforward, but when we focus on the absence of pain, like the relief from a toothache or migraine, it can help alleviate our suffering when life throws challenges our way.

Do you struggle with the "toothache of the mind"?

This blog post explored the concept of suffering and how our minds can amplify it. If you're ready to learn powerful tools for managing your emotions and cultivating inner peace, consider enrolling in Coacharya's upcoming ICF Level 1/ACC coach training program. Through this program, you'll gain the knowledge and practical skills to:

• Develop self-awareness: Gain a deeper understanding of your thoughts, feelings, and triggers. (Just like the author learned to accept tinnitus through meditation.)
• Regulate your emotions: Learn techniques to manage stress, anxiety, and negative thought patterns.
• Build resilience: Develop the tools to bounce back from challenges and navigate life's ups and downs with more ease.

Take control of your mental well-being and start living a more fulfilling life. Enroll in Coacharya's program today!?

Want more awesome content? Head over to the author's blog, KokoroZendo.life , for fresh insights on mindfulness, motivation, and transforming your life. New posts drop all the time to help you on your journey!

About the Author

Vishy (Viswanathan) Sankara is a ?Management Consultant specializing in Organizational Change and Transformation and a Life Coach. Beyond his professional role, Vishy is a ?Zen instructor/coach at Little Flower Zendo and a dedicated student of Zen Master AMA Samy.

As a certified coach from Coacharya, Vishy brings a unique perspective to his work. He’s passionate about applying Zen principles to drive positive change in organizations and individuals. Vishy’s writing style is refreshingly unconventional, reflecting his love for Zen and his ability to share complex ideas in a relatable way. When Vishy isn’t guiding transformations, he’s writing insightful blog posts. Check out his latest musings on Zen and motivation at Vishy’s Website . We’re sure you’ll find them thought-provoking!