The Managing Your “SELF’S” Solution

The numbers are staggering and grow each year. The costs, to individuals and companies, are immense. We have all been impacted by it in some way and on some level during our lifetime. The term was coined by Hubert Freudenberg in 1974 and he described it at the time as “the state of mental and physical exhaustion caused by one's professional life". The problem, as you may have already figured out, is burnout.

Burnout is caused by prolonged exposure to stress. It can lead to debilitating physical, emotional, and mental issues that impact all phases of your personal and professional life. While the job and work environment was considered to be the sole source of burnout in the 1970’s, the radical evolution of our societal, technological, and cultural norms over the decades have resulted in many more people, at much younger ages being impacted by stress. Stress comes in many shapes, forms, and sizes. It can be triggered by physical, emotional, or traumatic life events. It can be acute (short term) or chronic (long term) in duration. The good news is that you can greatly mitigate the risk of burnout through a variety of strategies that increase your ability to recognize and eliminate your personal stressors long before they result in burnout.

As an Executive Leadership Consultant and Crisis Expert, I deal with many people whose personal or professional lives are impacted by stress. Each person is unique. Each situation is unique. Each solution is unique. Some leverage their stressors as a motivator for personal or career change. Some are paralyzed by them and need a strategy to change their behaviors to change their outcomes. Herbert Freudenberg and Gail North developed a list of “The 12 Stages of Burnout” that is helpful in identifying the physical, mental, and emotional behaviors in each stage that can lead to burnout. I will listen to and help everyone who contacts me but that help often comes in the form of a referral. Behaviors drive the client’s ability to achieve the outcomes they want and often it takes just a few minutes and key questions to determine if a person and I would be a good coaching fit. Are they emotionally intelligent? Are their words, values, and actions aligned with the outcomes they want to achieve? Do they have the focus and dedication to put in the work to achieve the outcomes they want? A “yes” answer to each of these questions generally positions that individual to excel and succeed. Why are emotional intelligence, alignment with outcomes, and dedication to putting in work and getting stuff done so critical? I’ll explain.

I am sure that most are familiar with the phrase “the best defense is a great offense “. It is a basic principle of warfare where being proactive versus passive gives one a strategic and tactical advantage. Identifying and managing events and situations that trigger your body’s stress response system is a proactive approach that is the key to avoiding burnout. Stressors are events or situations that activate your body’s stress response system. The body’s response to stress can be physical (dizziness, insomnia, increased heart rate), emotional (anxiety, depression, zero motivation, defensiveness) or a combination of both. Stressors are managed by developing emotion-focused and solution-focused coping strategies that help to eliminate or minimize the sources of stress. The more skilled you are at understanding and managing your “SELF’s”, the more effective your coping strategies will be. Again, why are emotional intelligence, alignment with outcomes, and dedication to putting in work and getting stuff done so critical? They increase your capacity to manage your “SELF’s” to dramatically improve your outcomes. Execution is everything when it comes to behavior change.

Self #1: Self-Awareness

Emotional intelligence can be defined as “the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.” Self-awareness is the foundational behavior of emotional intelligence and an essential skill for personal growth and development. Being truly mindful of who you are, what your strengths and weaknesses are, and what your values are opens the door to make changes to your behaviors and make better choices. It also helps you gain clarity on the impact your words and actions have on those you interact with. While it can be difficult to acknowledge our weaknesses, faults, and flaws, the value comes from accepting that we have them. Exposing them to ourselves is the critical first step in developing strategies to address them. A simple starting point would be to focus on a situation that creates discomfort, anxiety, fear, or depression in your life and reflect on the following questions. Why does this situation trigger discomfort, anxiety, or fear? What is your reaction to it? What can or will you do to stay in control the next time you find yourself in this situation?

Self #2: Self-Regulation

Self regulation is also a pillar of emotional intelligence. It is an essential skill for controlling and aligning your behaviors to achieve your desired outcomes. The best definition I’ve heard for self regulation states “It’s control of one’s self, by one’s self.” It enables one to think before acting. Mindfulness, leveraging the awareness generated by paying attention in the present moment and without judgement, is one proven strategy to minimize negative emotions. Another strategy is cognitive reframing. It involves changing the way you look at stressors to minimize the stress response that is created. A bad day, for example, can be thought of as a minor exception to an otherwise great week. A text message not immediately returned does NOT mean you are no longer liked; it can be the person is just too busy to respond immediately. Self-regulation is a tool that allows one to recognize and regulate their thoughts and actions as a third-party observer. The ability to recognize and change stressful thought patterns before responding to a situation will change your outcomes. 

Self #3: Self-Care

I have spoken to more than one person who will say they have their stress under control and immediately begin listing the various medications they are taking for stress-related conditions as proof that it’s true. There is nothing wrong with taking meds as needed to treat medical issues. A proactive approach to eliminate or minimize the physical, mental, and emotional effects of stress, however, would produce better results. Self-care strategies that include a focus on diet, exercise and sleep can improve your wellness and health as well as help minimize the impact stress has on your emotional wellbeing. Take the time to do one activity for relaxation and one “pleasurable” each day. It’s like that airplane “in the event of a sudden decrease in cabin pressure” oxygen mask procedure where you put your mask on first before trying to assist others. Taking care of you is the most important stress management tool in the toolbox. It requires discipline, dedication, and hard work but changing your behaviors improves your physical, mental, and emotional wellness and will produce positive outcomes.

As Reinhold Neibuhr famously said, “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” This to me is a great approach to avoiding burnout and one you can achieve by effectively managing your “SELF’s”.