Managing your grief and Help Others deal with their grief better

In this article you will learn the following

-5 situations/occurrences where the intensity and pain of the grief would be of levels almost equal to the impact of losing a loved one through death

-42 tips on How to Help Someone Who Is Grieving

-30+ tips on Coping with Grief and Loss when you are yourself grieving

-18 stages of grief-cycle that people go through - some of these run concurrently BUT please also understand that the following is never a neat-sequence and will have to happen in this order for everyone-every time - THERE are some people who overcome their grief without many of the stages mentioned here

-10 Myths on Grief and grieving which are considered truth

-8 symptoms of complicated grief

-6 signs - if you or your care-giver needs to reach out for professional help

-10 Helpline Numbers in India - in case You Need the Help of Mental Health professional for yourself or others

Grief is our natural subconscious response to loss.

Grief no single emotion - but many roller-coaster set of emotional feeling that you feel - when something or someone- is taken away [you love and are attached and dependent on] - many times this pain of loss can feel overwhelming.

The more powerful your attachment with the person or the loss - the more intense your grief will be.

Coping with the loss of someone or something you love can be one of the life’s biggest challenges.

Grief’s negative effects becomes catastrophic and increases exponentially in magnitude - if the loss is of a person- who was the sole-earning member.

As per the strange law of nature - this losing the bread-winner happens more often than not - at least I have seen this case in every calamity for hundreds of thousands people in India.

5 situations/occurrences where the intensity and pain of the grief would be of levels almost equal to the impact of losing a loved one through death

1.     Relationship break-up or divorce - when you happen to be attached too-much with your partner so much so that you have made this your happiness and satisfaction dependent on him/her

2.     Sudden diagnosis of a terminal-illness of yours or someone’s you love and are attached-with too much

3.     Losing a job suddenly - when you are least prepared and there are people depending on you financially and otherwise

4.     Experiencing physical abuse like molestations, assault and violence

5.     Sudden financial ruination due to - say - long-hospitalization or your losing your nest - like I lost my life’s savings through Franklin-Templeton just because they arbitrarily choose to close 6 DEBT-schemes [my advisor fraudulently put it in these schemes - spite of my explicit instructions to the contrary]

42 tips on How to Help Someone Who Is Grieving

1.     Talk about everyday thing - they may be wanting to have normal conversations - as most people who are grieving - have too much of sympathy and false-hopes and insincere support - Help them take a break - be that unique special who brings a relief to their listening-to and bearing-with people who are well-meaning YET insensitive

2.     Be yourself and be natural - It’s natural to struggle-with finding the right words [this will happen especially if you have not yet gone through the loss of a loved one yourself]

3.     No matter how unsure you may feel about the support you are offering - what matters most is that you are genuinely concerned and want to help -The bereaved person will likely appreciate your sincere efforts to be supportive

4.     If you’re not sure how to help - just ask

5.     Please don’t use clichés - this is so irritating - at least I feel it very irritating to hear people say - like - “It is all God’s will”, “his/her time had come” or this is as per the law of God’s kingdom or even that “he/she is free of all the pains” or that “he/she is in better place” or that “At least he/she is no longer suffering” or “Look at what you have to be thankful for.”

6.     Be a good listener - just listen - yes if you know - you can ask questions which would make that person think and respond

7.     Let them talk about their feelings

8.     Please understand that no one can remove the pain of their loss but you can provide a great deal of comfort just by being around to listen

9.     Also understand that everyone grieves in their own way - and their grief-cycle is also as different as the people themselves - of-course the loss causes sadness is the common element

10. The quantum of someone’s pain - depends on the type of attachment and emotional-dependence this person had with the departed one - the more attached someone is - the more impact and grief and sadness will be there 

30+ tips on Coping with Grief and Loss when you are yourself grieving

1.     18 stages of grief-cycle that people go through - some of these run concurrently BUT please also understand that the following is never a neat-sequence and will have to happen in this order for everyone-every time - THERE are some people who overcome their grief without many of the stages mentioned here

       I.           Shock

     II.           Disbelief

   III.           Denial

  IV.           Worries, panic-attacks and fears

    V.           Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and insecurities

  VI.           Feelings of absolute loneliness and being left-alone

 VII.           Anger - lashing out

VIII.           Bargaining - with God or a higher power that you’ll do anything they ask if they’ll only grant you relief from these feelings

  IX.           Intense Pain

    X.           Regrets - especially if you wanted to day something or do something which you could not

  XI.           Guilt - especially if you have some unmet need with that person

 XII.           Depression causing you to isolate and become a recluse [In some case falling into the abyss of psychologically untreatable state]

XIII.           After these very painful experiences - your body’s defense-mechanism will start the repair process through

XIV.           Creating and getting back into a new-routine and healthy positive-rituals

XV.           Putting the pieces of your life back together and starting to take responsibilities

XVI.           Acceptance

XVII.           Hope for the possibilities for your future

XVIII.           Pro-active actions to rebuild and move towards a new-future and new life and moving on

XIX.           Remembering the loved-departed one with - fond-memories - if you had this type of experiences associated with this person

XX.           Please understand that there is no right or wrong way to grieve - but there are healthy ways to deal with the grieving process

2.     10 Myths on Grief and grieving which are considered truth

       I.           In order to move on with your life, you need to forget about your loss.

     II.           If you don’t shed tears or frequently feel sad you need treatment as you are not processing your grief in the-correct way.

   III.           Women grieve more than men because they are more emotional - the fact is whoever is more attached - will grieve more

  IV.           Forgiving and forgetting is same thing

    V.           You can’t move-on unless - you are able to forget your grief and loss completely

  VI.           If you are unable to feel grief - you don’t love him/her

 VII.           Feeling grief is essential part of grieving - as not feeling-grief makes you abnormally inhuman -[grief is not an emotion - but - it is the complete experience our subconscious goes through when we face a devastating or significant emotional-event - and this will includes all 18+ emotions as mentioned in the grief-cycle]

VIII.           Even if you move-on - the feelings of your earlier attachment would still be there powerfully

  IX.           Your grief has to be very intense and lasting for long

    X.           You can ignore the grief and you would be alright - actually running-away from feeling negative fills you with fear of negative emotions - which would be catastrophic later for you and because of you for your loved-ones]

3.     Symptoms of grief may include - Fatigue, dizziness, intense Aches and pains, insomnia or over-sleeping and drastic change in your eating-patterns

4.     Turn to friends and family members. Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient.

5.     Accept that many people feel awkward when trying to comfort someone who’s grieving -grief can be a confusing, sometimes frightening emotion for many people, especially if they haven’t experienced a similar loss themselves. 

10 Helpline Numbers in India - in case You Need the Help of Mental Health professional for yourself or others

Please note VERY IMPORTANT

       I.           Kindly understand that it is not a recommendation from us - these numbers are just given for you to initially get started on your search for a Mental Health professional

     II.           Although most of the numbers given here are of known NGOs and other organizations

   III.           Plus please google by the name of the helpline - for additional numbers and email ids - in case these numbers are for some reason not available or continuously come busy

  IV.           Also google for numbers of helpline in your city - if the ones given here are unable to provide what you are looking for

    V.           In case - doubt - seek other options

  VI.           Before paying any amount - PLEASE VERIFY what all you are going to get - because the organizations are supposed to be philanthropic YET the individuals may not be

 VII.           Connect-chat-send email-talk with these 10 ORGANIZATIONS

1.     Tata Institute of Social Science - 9372048501, 9920241248, 8369799513- [email protected] - https://icallhelpline.org/

2.     Fortis Exam Helpline - +918376804102

3.     NIMHANS - 080 46110007

4.     BMC-Mpower - 1800-120-820050 - [email protected] - https://mpower1on1.abet.co.in/

5.     Ya'all - 6009032883 - [email protected] - https://www.yaall.org/

6.     COOJ Mental Health Foundation - 0832-2252525 - [email protected] -https://cooj.co.in/

7.     Samaritans Mumbai - [email protected] - +91 84229 84528, +91 84229 84529, +84229 84530 -https://www.samaritansmumbai.com/

8.     Mansamvad - 18001800018

9.     Wysa - https://www.wysa.io/ - Wysa: stress, sleep & mindfulness therapy chatbot - https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=bot.touchkin&hl=en_IN&gl=US

10. Covidav.com - [email protected] - https://covidav.com/ - https://consult.covidav.com/

11. https://nndcifoundation.org/complimentary-counseling/

 For full article - please read "Dealing with your grief and helping others cope with theirs" in the bog section of Success Unlimited Mantra - link in the 1st comment