Managing your emotions

Self leadership also involves the ability to manage personal emotions. This is very paramount for any leader because among other things, it equips one to withstand both the internal and external pressures of leadership. Most times, leadership at any level can be very demanding. In fact, it suffices to say that the demands of leadership have made it to be a difficult task in itself especially when one sees it as a responsibility and not a position. Every responsible leader will always face four major types of pressures – organizational pressures, family pressures, societal pressure and personal pressures. The organizational pressures are the pressures that comes from superiors, colleagues, and subordinates in the organization a leader finds his/her self; family pressures refers to the demands of the immediate family of the leader – demands from spouse and children; societal pressures are those demands from people in the society and other groups or bodies a leader is affiliated with; personal pressures are those that stem from the leader’s own psychological, emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. Therefore, in the midst of all these pressures, a leader can get frustrated if he/she is not skilful in managing emotions. That is, if he/she is ineffective in self leadership. For instance, issues of transfer of aggression among leaders in workplaces and other social settings owes mostly to the inability to manage emotions.

Managing emotions is an art. It involves possessing a working understanding of one’s emotions as well as devising techniques of relating with such emotions. Emotions is used here in referring to all feelings; example, happiness, sadness, anger, discouragement, excitement, affection, etc. Everybody can have a working understanding of emotions but the techniques of relating with these emotions differ from person to person. For instance, while some people will dispel anger by smiling, others simply keep themselves some distance away from the situation that led to the anger. Therefore, there is no hard and fast rule when it comes to managing emotions. In other words, there is no ‘how to’ with respect to this subject. However, the general principle is, one must first of all evaluate his/her self and understand his/her emotions and then work out ways suitable for him/her to control such emotions. In subsequent paragraphs, cases of how people were able to control their emotions as well as those in which people were unable to control their emotions will be considered.

Mela was a young applicant who was fortunate to have a job interview after about five years of searching and waiting for this dream job. On the morning of the scheduled date, he got into his vehicle and drove off. On his way, he ran into serious traffic congestion. This became a threat to his punctuality with respect to the interview. Soon, Mela was beginning to get angry with himself and then suddenly as the traffic moved a little distance, somebody hit his car from the rear, came out and began accusing him for the incidence. Soon, a scene was created as both had engaged in a heated quarrel. Finally, as other road users interfered, the case was settled and the traffic was moving. So, Mela continued on his journey but this time with a destabilized emotion. As one who understood the nature of his anger, he had a way of chasing it away and that was playing any of his favourite music. He did just that as he drove to the venue of the interview and before he arrived, he again became that cheerful, and courageous young man suitable for interview. Now, this was his style of controlling emotions, it might not be suitable for another person even his wife. Therefore, everyone has the responsibility of working out his/her own strategy.

In about 18th century BC, the world of then experienced a famine. As at this time, Joseph the son of Jacob was the prime minister in Egypt and was in charge of the storehouses where grains were stored. On one faithful day, some men came from Canaan to buy food, and when Joseph saw them, they were his brothers who sold him into Egypt. The narrative as contained in Genesis chapter 43 reveals that Joseph on sighting his brothers was overcome with emotion for his brothers; in other words, his compassion grew warm for his brothers and he was about to burst into tears but as one who had his ways of controlling emotions, he hurriedly went into his private room where he broke down and wept. After washing his face, he came back out, keeping himself under control. From here, it can be decoded that one of the ways in which Joseph controlled his emotions was creating some distance between him and any emotional situation. This strategy worked for him but might not work for another leader. Therefore, every one owes his/her self the task of thinking out his/her best technique(s).

Safin, who lost her parent in a ghastly motor accident, was so excited after the last paper of her final examinations in the University. Her excitement made her to join some friends in drinking to their success. Typically, she was not the type that was used in taking much alcoholic drinks but on this day, she took more than usual and at the end she was drunk. The following day when she woke up in the early hours of the morning, she saw herself on bed with a guy she had no close relationship with before. Three week later, Safin discovered she was pregnant and the guy denied being responsible, so she had to bear the pains and responsibility of pregnancy and single motherhood alone. Now, the question is, if you were Safin, how could you have controlled your emotions in order not to get into similar trouble? Well, whatever answer you may have, that should be you own technique of controlling emotions like excitement.

In about 15th century BC, existed a very popular and powerful leader called Moses. This was the man who led the people of Israel out of captivity in Egypt. After he took the people of Israel out of Egypt, they encountered several challenges in the wilderness which they were to pass through to the promise land. One of these challenges was lack of water when they got to Kadesh. As usual, the people murmured against Moses and he in turned called upon the Lord their God for help. Now, according to Numbers chapter 20 verse 8, the Lord had told Moses that the rock which was in their midst was going to bring forth water and the part Moses was to play for this to happen was only but to speak to the rock. However, due to the pressure from the people, Moses ran out of endurance and patience, got upset, called the people rebels and instead of speak to the rock as was instructed, in struck it with his rod not even once but twice. This inability to control his emotions deprived him entrance into the promise land. So from here it can be seen that Moses, though a great leader, lose out by losing his temper – being ineffective in self leadership. But then, the question remains, what technique can you as a person have in your disposal which you could deploy in situations like this in order not to lose out.

Rewa plc had a lottery for her customers where one customer would win a car in the final raffle draw. The lottery was such that prizes of winners were delivered at their homes. So, the grand finale came and at the end, Rintu’s number was announced as the winner. Rintu was a young entrepreneur who had a small scale business. He had not even dreamt of owning a car in five years from that time and behold there it came. Anyone can understand how excited he would be. In about a week from that day, the car arrived! Before then, Rintu had thought to himself: maybe this whole thing is a dream or these guys are just trying to pull my legs. So, on seeing the vehicle, that realization catapulted his excitement. Then, after the company officials had left, it was time for him to make the whole town know that his life has change – he got into the vehicle and speed off, got to a place where there was market and forgot he was supposed to slow down. Unfortunately for him, in the process of trying to avoid hitting a young boy who crossed the road carelessly, he ran into a stationary truck which had just brought goods to the market. That was how his excitement cost him his two legs. In order not to lose focus, remember, the question: if you were Rintu, how could you have controlled your emotions in order not to get into similar trouble.

Finally on the case study is King David. Before the crown (as recorded in the Bible book of 1 Samuel), he was a shepherd boy who kept the sheep of his father. Then one day, his faith in the God of Israel made him to defeat a war lord in battle. This victory won him a place in the palace of King Saul where he was exposed to the jealousy of the King. This jealousy made him to run for his life. Having made hiding in several places, he finally resorted to the Philistines which were in enmity with Israel his nation. Achish, the king of Gath, inhabited David in Ziklag. Then, there came a day when the Philistines embarked on a battle with the Israelites and David with his men joined the Philistine to the battle but on the way, the lords of the Philistines demanded of Achish that David should return lest at the battle field he turned against them. David, on return to Ziklag with his men discovered that another troop had invaded Ziklag, burned the place with fire, and took captive their women and children. David’s men were so embittered that they thought of stoning him to death and on the part of David great discouragement and desperation had set in but as a wise man who had mastered his emotions, he mustered courage by appealing to that consciousness of having God by his side. Appeal to faith was David’s technique of curbing emotion like distress. It worked for him, but might not work for you; therefore, it is incumbent on you to determine your own strategy.

There exist several other instances to illustrate people’s ability when it comes to managing emotions: cases of hypertensive patients giving up the ghost because of emotional excitement during soccer; cases of undergraduate students slapping and injuring fellow students due to inability to control anger and having to face rustication for that. However, want of time will not permit further illustrations. Therefore, in a nutshell, effectiveness in managing emotions means effectiveness in self leadership which translates to effectiveness in leading people. Inability to manage emotions can be disastrous for both the leader and the people being led and the society. There is not a conventional step-by-step procedure in managing emotions but the general principle demands that one possess a working knowledge of his/her emotions which may also include understanding his/her temperament, and then devise a strategy comfortable for him/her to be use in regulating or controlling his/her emotions. In one sentence, emotional management demands that one be proactive and not reactive. This means that you must ask yourself and find answers in advance to certain questions like, how do I control anger when it comes? If I have undue feeling of affection for the opposite sex, how do I control it? These questions might push you into brainstorming or drive you into meeting a professional counsellor. Whatever, you must have answers in stock which will form your strategy for handling emotions.  Remember, it is either you control your emotions or let it control you into situations you would not like.

.

---Udeme Udoh 09/2017

[email protected]