Managing Workplace Conflict

Workplace conflict is almost universally dreaded.?Whether it is with a manager, a peer or a subordinate, conflicts take up a disproportionate amount of mind space and energy, often for little or no gain.?What’s worse is conflicts can have a long shelf life; even after the issue is resolved bad feelings can linger with the potential to poison future dealings. While there is no surefire approach to prevent them from occurring, there are things we can do to manage conflicts more effectively and help mitigate its destructive and wasteful effects.

Conflicts can be triggered by a variety of things, including misunderstandings, differing priorities, personality, ambition, or events. There are times, however, conflict arises by design. The most common situation is when managers, seeking to ensure important issues are properly thought through, set up organizational structures designed to produce conflict.?A common example is the separation of production from risk management.?The former is driven by results and efficiency and the latter by safety and control.?For the manager, getting the optimum balance between the two is critical. Having two different direct reports overseeing the functions is one way to ensure the issues are debated rigorously and the best answer produced.?

The burning question with conflict is almost always what to do about it.?The first thing is to understand the nature of the conflict.?Is it relationship driven or is it motivated by status, such as peers vying to be “first among equals”??Is it a disagreement over priorities or how something is being managed??Whatever the case, understanding the nature of a conflict is an important first step to identifying its cause and ultimately a solution.

It is important to recognize that, regardless of source, conflict elicits emotion, which can cloud thinking and obscure facts. As much as we may like to think of ourselves as logical and rational people, when emotion enters the picture, it can quickly take over. For this reason, talking through the situation with an objective and trusted third party, who can help you see things more clearly and objectively -- including your role in starting or escalating the conflict -- can be extremely valuable.?The simple truth is in a conflict most of the time both sides see themselves as being right and their actions justified. Getting a different perspective can help uncover blind spots and illuminate a path forward.?Moreover, it can help reduce some of the frustration and anger conflict inevitably generates.

When it comes to solutions there are two flavors– do nothing or do something.?By selecting the “do nothing” option the parties tacitly agree to continue the conflict. Ironically this is the most common approach of conflict avoiders.?Unwilling to risk escalation, the parties elect to stick with the status quo. In cases where the conflict is about priorities or processes, the matter is usually resolved or significantly diminished by whatever decision is made. Relationship and status conflicts can, however, continue indefinitely.

If one or both parties elect to do something about the conflict, there are generally two options available to them.?The first is to address it directly by talking to the other person.?This approach can be effective in clearing the air and getting the relationship back on track.?It likely will involve some difficult conversations and a venting of feelings but is a good course of action if having a trusted working relationship is important to one or both parties. The initiator should choose the time and place for the conversation carefully. They should be prepared to listen, acknowledge what is being said, and remain calm throughout.?This will allow the other party to get things off their chest and know they have been heard, which creates room to move to a solution. Most importantly, stay focused on the issues, avoid personal attacks, and look to connect the dots so you see the big picture.?

If direct engagement is unpalatable or not appropriate (such as with a client), an alternative course of action may be to address the issue indirectly.?This can involve using a third party to help identify a path forward that will enable both parties to put the issue behind them. While this won’t necessarily resolve the issues, it can prevent the conflict from blocking progress on other important matters.

There are extreme situations, such as when your counterpart is yelling, the fight is occurring in an inappropriate setting, or the other party has demonstrated they will never change.?Here walking away may be the appropriate strategy.?This break can be temporary or permanent but should be used when further discussion will clearly be unproductive. Disengaging will create space for cooling down and a reassessment on a new course of action.?

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the situation can’t be rectified. One party refuses to move forward or the demands for resolution are untenable. In these situations, the best you can do is know you tried and move forward. As frustrating as this may be, it may be the best option. The good news is that those around you will likely know the deal, as conflicts very seldom exist private. This can generate benefits such as increased respect from colleagues, and accommodation in other areas.?