Managing Triggers in the Moment with T.R.A.I.N.?

We all experience moments when something—or someone—triggers us. It’s part of being human. Whether it’s an unexpected comment in a meeting or a project that suddenly goes off course, our brains react automatically, making it hard to stay calm and collected. But thanks to the way our brains are wired, particularly with the help of our prefrontal cortex (PFC), we have the power to override those reactions and respond more thoughtfully.

?Dr. Dan from the Brain-Based Leadership Academy developed the T.R.A.I.N.? tool, based on neuroscience, to help manage triggers in the moment. Here’s how you can use it when you feel yourself being triggered at work, or any other context:

TRIGGER

First, recognize the trigger. Your "old brain" is responding to a perceived threat to your safety (such as feeling disrespected or ignored), which sends you into an emotional response. The key here is to acknowledge and label the emotion. Simply naming what you feel (anger, frustration, disappointment) helps to dampen the emotional reaction and puts you back in control.

REFLECT

Next, reflect on yourself, and identify which of your personal biases or insecurities might be influencing your response? This is where you use your PFC to override your brain’s automatic judgments and reactions, Amygdala response. By stepping back and reflecting on what’s driving your perspective, you allow your logical brain to take the lead and interrupt the emotional spiral.?

APPRAISE

With a clearer mind, you can now appraise the situation. Look at the trigger from a neutral standpoint and ask yourself, “Is there another way to view this?” Maybe the email you read as rude wasn’t intended that way, or perhaps the feedback you received wasn’t personal, but rather constructive. Rewriting the story with a more positive or neutral interpretation defuses the emotional intensity and opens you up to new perspectives.

INCLUDE

It’s essential to recognize that triggers don’t just affect you—they impact others too. When you’re in a tense situation, remind yourself, “It’s not them, it’s their brain.” Everyone has their own safety needs, and their own way of thinking, and sometimes those manifest in behaviors that feel irritating or hurtful. Include this understanding in your response by asking, “What insecurities or fears might this person be protecting?” Approaching the situation with empathy and recognizing their needs helps you depersonalize the interaction and maintain psychological safety for both parties.

NEUTRALIZE

Finally, after calming your emotional brain and gaining a more balanced perspective, you’re ready to neutralize the situation. Acknowledge that there are multiple sides to every story, and the truth often lies somewhere in the middle. Open up communication with a willingness to be vulnerable and transparent about what drives you and what triggers you.

Here are two examples—one from the workplace and one from daily life—showing how the T.R.A.I.N.? tool can be applied in both professional and personal situations:

Workplace Example: Managing Conflict in a Meeting

Scenario:

You’re in a team meeting, and a colleague dismisses your idea without much consideration. You feel triggered, frustrated, and even a bit disrespected. Instead of reacting emotionally, you use the T.R.A.I.N.? tool to manage the situation.

1. TRIGGER: Acknowledge the emotional response you’re feeling (frustration, anger) and recognize that it’s your brain’s way of signaling a threat to your psychological safety (perhaps a feeling of not being respected or valued).
2. REFLECT: reflect on yourself, and identify which of your personal biases or insecurities might be influencing your response. Are you perceiving your colleague’s dismissal as personal? Could it be an unconscious reaction based on past experiences or insecurities?
3. APPRAISE: Reframe the situation. Instead of assuming they are attacking your idea, consider other possibilities: Maybe they misunderstood your point or were rushing. Take a step back to seek a more neutral perspective.
4. INCLUDE: Recognize that your colleague’s behavior might be driven by their own biases or insecurities, such as feeling under pressure. With this understanding, you can respond empathetically rather than defensively.
5. NEUTRALIZE: Calm your emotional response and seek to engage in a balanced discussion. You might say, “I see that you have concerns about my idea. Could you clarify what they are, so I can better address them?” This approach defuses the tension and invites a collaborative resolution.

Outcome: Instead of escalating the conflict, you maintain professionalism, keep the discussion productive, and preserve team morale.

Daily Life Example: Getting Triggered in Traffic

Scenario:

You’re driving to work, and suddenly, another driver cuts you off in traffic. Your immediate reaction is anger and frustration—you feel disrespected and unsafe. Instead of letting this moment ruin your day, you use the T.R.A.I.N.? tool to manage the trigger.

1. TRIGGER: Acknowledge the trigger—your brain perceives the other driver’s behavior as a threat to your safety. Name your emotions: anger, frustration, maybe even fear. This step helps to calm your immediate emotional response by acknowledging it instead of reacting impulsively.
2. REFLECT: Reflect on what might be causing your strong emotional reaction. Perhaps you’re already stressed about getting to work on time, or maybe you’ve had past experiences in traffic that make you more sensitive to these situations. Understand that your brain is reacting out of a sense of urgency and safety, but that doesn’t mean the situation is personal.
3. APPRAISE: Reframe the situation. Instead of assuming the other driver is being rude or aggressive, consider alternative explanations: maybe they didn’t see you, or perhaps they’re in a rush due to an emergency. Appraising the situation neutrally helps you avoid an overreaction and see things from a more balanced perspective.
4. INCLUDE: Recognize that other drivers have their own challenges and concerns. Maybe this person is late for an important meeting or dealing with their own stress. By considering this, you depersonalize the situation and can feel more empathy instead of escalating your frustration.
5. NEUTRALIZE: Having calmed your emotional response, you’re now ready to neutralize the situation. Instead of honking angrily or tailgating, you can take a deep breath, slow down, and refocus on driving safely. By managing your emotional reaction, you maintain your calm and avoid letting a small incident ruin your mood.

Outcome: Instead of escalating the situation or carrying that anger throughout the day, you use the T.R.A.I.N.? process to manage your emotions, stay calm, and focus on your safety and wellbeing.

Remember...

Practicing the T.R.A.I.N.? process regularly rewires your brain, allowing you to handle triggering moments with greater ease over time. The more you engage with this process, the better equipped you’ll be to manage triggers and keep your cool in stressful situations for greater wellbeing.

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