Managing the Pseudo-self: The distractor

“I don’t know why I behaved like that” Nandita was repenting. “That is not my true self. But I projected a picture of myself which I am not, just to satisfy my ego.” Her reflection was genuine and highlighted the gap between what she was and what she wanted to be. In life, Nandita is not alone in such false projections of their selves knowing fully well that they are committing some mistake. Yet it appears to help them, sometimes to gratify their emotional needs, sometimes to compensate their inadequacies arising out of their low self-esteem, sometimes to help them to get acknowledged in an environment or in a situation.

Chaudhry was giving a talk to a professional group. He listed almost all the operating fields of the company and projected that he is the only person who had expertise solving problems in each of them. Honestly, he knew that he had extremely limited capacities, but projecting a self of what he was not, helped him to boost his energy and create a make-believe situation that his professional skills are wholesome and futuristic. The illusory self magnifies a microscopic view of the true self in a distorted form and sometimes provides the image the self like that of Aladdin from a magic lamp. Many celebrate such moments as hoisting a flag on Mount Everest.

I fondly recall the essay “Beau Tibbs” by Oliver Goldsmith when he characterized Beau in such a wonderful attire and a manner, as a man for all events, all situations, and all social strata, though he could in no way fit into any of them. But providing a falsifying image of the self, he scaled those mountains towards which he could not take a single step. Says Paulo Coelho, the noted novelist, “Behind the mask of ice that people wear, there beats a heart of fire.”

The magazine “Medium” describes the conflicts between the real self and the false or pseudo-self in the following words: “A differentiated self is described by Bowen (1976) as a solid self, and a fused self is called a pseudo self. The solid self knows what it needs and desires, while the pseudo self, reacts to those around it. In an unhealthy relationship, two pseudo selves come together and fuse into each other, one person losing and the other person gaining self. The solid self, however, maintains its individuality and does not merge. The solid self has beliefs, opinions, convictions, and life principles. The pseudo self is a product of emotional pressure. The solid is not. People with weak transparency muscles live within a pseudo self. In plain English, this is a false version of you. It seeks other people’s approval and validation. You live in Pseudo Self because it gives you a sense of security. It allows you to hide and live in disguise.”

The magazine “Psychology Today” brings out the difference between the true self and the pseudo self with further clarity:

·???????????? The solid self is composed of one's firmest convictions and most integral beliefs.

·???????????? The pseudo self consists of others’ opinions absorbed as one’s own.

·???????????? The path to the solid self begins with transparency.

In a highly consumerist society, where people tend to run into unhealthy competitions for achievement and quick rise, there is evidence of an increased population becoming victims of the pseudo-self-projections.

An overstay with the pseudo-self possibly creates mental thought patterns and belief structures that makes an individual difficult to revert to the true self. The comfort levels it gives to negotiate with people and situations, the convenience of managing the emotions which are not realistic, the acknowledgements received on them, the inputs the pleasure centres in the brain gets because of them forces people to yield to the pressure of being there. Winnicott, the noted psychologist, observes “other people's expectations can become of overriding importance,

Erich Fromm, in his book “The Fear of Freedom” distinguished between original self and pseudo self—the authenticity of the latter being a way to escape the loneliness of freedom. However, existentialists such as S?ren Kierkegaard had claimed that "to will to be that self which one truly is, is indeed the opposite of despair"—the despair of choosing "to be another than himself", overlaying or contradicting the original sense of self, the one connected to the very roots of one's being"

Sameer was in the marketing department of the company. He loved overrating himself and projecting the image of the king of the field. He used to quote several of the marketing gurus to his boss and friends to show that he was an authority in the field. But he often got exposed before his team. At one point of time, the shame haunted him so much that he almost went into a depression. Making the false or the pseudo-self as a Brobdingnag citizen and the true self as Lilliputian creates self-contradictions Says Natheniel Brando, the Canadian- American Psychotherapist, “Pseudo self-esteem is low self-esteem in disguise. Low self-esteem can generate a lot of anxiety and insecurity, which can be a very painful way to exist. To get away from this discomfort we find ways to dodge it. We deny the fear we feel, find plausible excuses for our actions, and create the appearance of self-esteem that doesn't really exist.”

It is also seen that in the human growth profile, parents tend to celebrate the child in their false self-profiles. It seems to give them some excitement, some mythical happiness, some kind of compromise with a non-existing reality. However, over a period this tends to become a habit in the growing child and brings some unreal happiness in them. Over an extended period, this works against their developmental profile. Winnicott, the British Paediatric Psychologist, continues to argue that "through this false self, the infant builds up a false set of relationships, and by means of introjections even attains a show of being real while, in fact, merely concealing a barren emptiness behind an independent-seeming fa?ade.” Oftentimes, two pseudo-selves tend to relate with each other and move together, as against the pseudo-self and the real self. However, they just tend to be a marriage of convenience.

The pain of handling the pseudo-self when the real self is dominant and goes on sending warning signals to the individual periodically is indeed a challenge. One tends to question one’s own authenticity and starts living in a continued sense of fear, insecurity, disbelief, and self-pity. The pleasure one gets by celebrating the pseudo-self could be trivial, short-lived, and minuscular, however sometimes it does act as a painkiller or a dopamine driver. ?

With Artificial Intelligence taking the scripts of human intelligence, the augmented reality negotiating with virtual reality, the future holds promise for several intellectual acrobats where humans are likely to see several versions of their own self, both for pleasure and in pain. Hopefully, many will get opportunity for their true self making compromises with their illusory self.

On a spiritual note, the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh says “True self is non-self, the awareness that the self is made only of non-self-elements. There is no separation between self and other, and everything is interconnected. Once you are aware of that you are no longer caught in the idea that you are a separate entity.”