Managing our emotions

How do you want to feel today? You can choose your actions, not your feelings. Our success and happiness are often determined in those moments when we choose how we respond to an event or situation to improve the outcome.

You will feel happier and increase your opportunities for success by committing to amplifying the good feelings, broadening the positive emotions, increasing your emotional awareness, and taking action to manage less helpful emotions.

You deserve to live your best life!

Definitions of emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EI) refers to the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions. Some researchers suggest that emotional intelligence can be learned and strengthened, while others claim it is an inborn characteristic.

Some people have a naturally higher level of emotional intelligence, and many are able to put in effort to increase and strengthen their EI.

The concept of emotional intelligence is certainly not a new one. According to Plato, all learning has an emotional base. It has been extensively studied over the last 40 years and is becoming a key indicator of career success, even being used more and more as a factor when considering candidates for employment and promotion.

I particularly like this quote from Peter Salovey and John Mayer

“Emotional Intelligence is the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions.”

That really sums the concept of emotional intelligence up nicely.

Relative importance of IQ, EI and SQ

Is EQ really more important than IQ? This question can be confronting for many lawyers as generally, it is impossible to become a lawyer without a super high IQ. You need to get top marks at school to be accepted into law school where the culture is super competitive and high academic results used to determine your placement opportunities upon graduation.

It is widely accepted that Intelligence (IQ) determines the types of jobs you can pursue

A newer concept is that of social intelligence (SQ), or the ability to act wisely whilst maintaining human relations. This often determines your leadership and teamwork success.

Many researchers have considered the contribution of emotional intelligence and concluded that it is often more important than IQ in determining success at work.

In Daniel Goleman’s opinion, intelligence (IQ) determines the types of jobs you can pursue, emotional intelligence (EI) and social intelligence (SQ) determine how well you will succeed within your chosen profession. Research also points to emotional intelligence as a key factor in determining your overall satisfaction and happiness.

EI affects all areas of our lives

EI affects the four main domains of our lives, and the higher your EI, generally the better you can perform in all areas.

Your performance at work - high emotional intelligence helps you to manage and interpret the social complexities of the workplace; lead and motivate others; and excel in your career. Many companies include emotional intelligence assessment tools when selecting new employees.

Your physical health – being able to manage your emotions supports you to better manage your stress. If you’re not managing your stress and have low levels of resilience then you are more likely to suffer from serious health problems such as high blood pressure, heart problems, strokes, infertility, and accelerated ageing.?

Your mental health - uncontrolled emotions and high levels of stress can impact your mental wellbeing. This makes you vulnerable to anxiety and depression. If you’re unable to understand and manage your emotions, you’ll also struggle to form strong relationships. Poor relationships, or a lack of relationships, lead to increased feelings of loneliness and isolation, which negatively impact our mental health.

Your relationships – when you understand your emotions and develop the ability to manage them then you increase both your empathy and your ability to express your own emotions in a constructive way. These abilities support better communication and the ability to develop stronger relationships, both at work and in your personal life.

Benefits of increasing EI

Research suggests that people with high emotional intelligence are more innovative and have higher job satisfaction, through increased project success and trust, than those with lower EI. People with higher EI have the following characteristics –

1. More innovation
2. Higher job satisfaction
3. Improved relationships
4. Anticipate and avoid emotional breakdowns
5. Deal with difficult team members and manage conflict
6. Consider emotional information for decision making
7. Communicate more effectively
8. Improve team morale and performance
9. Attract and retain high performers
10. Inspire and motivate the team
11. Improve overall organisational performance
12. Create a positive work environment

How to increase your EI

With so many advantages coming from having higher EI, then it’s a great idea to work to increase our emotional intelligence. I first started sharing these concepts when lecturing for the College of Law when I was invited to support lawyers to improve their wellbeing at work. This need certainly hasn’t diminished in recent times, if anything it has increased for all professionals.

Based on evidence and research there are many simple ways you can work on improving your EI.

1. Identify what you are feeling - recognise your specific emotions and the underlying cause
2. Develop awareness and gain perspective – greatly assisted by a mindfulness practice
3. Acknowledge and appreciate your emotions – understand rather than deny your feelings
4. Interpret your emotions – understand your emotions and consider the feedback
5. Regulate your emotions – consider how you want to respond to negative emotions (yours and those of others)
6. Develop the capacity for empathy – increased awareness of other people’s emotions
7. Pick up emotional cues - apply emotional skills to interpersonal relationships
8. Develop flexibility and self-control – find ways to be gently assertive and respectful

Just for fun!

There are lots of EQ tests and assessments that you can complete to understand areas of strength and areas for improvement.

Your human resources team may have access to EQ assessments, and it would be ideal to do the one that is preferred by your organisation. If not, then you can find them online.

If you can’t find one that is recommended internally then you can check out this reputable assessment constructed by Dr Emily A Sterrett, author of several books on emotional intelligence - Assessing Emotional Intelligence by Emily A Sterrett, PhD.

1. Answer quickly and truthfully
2. Avoid attempting to select the best answer
3. Complete Part 1 yourself
4. Ask peers, colleagues, friends, and family to complete Part 2
5. Consider the results and develop action plans – this is the most critical step as it’s a waste of time to complete the assessment if you don’t intend to carefully consider the feedback; develop action plans; then implement them.

Find out more…

Module 3 of The POSITIVE Lawyer? program covers emotional intelligence, positive and negative emotions, gratitude and kindness, and mindfulness, and there is lots of great content on this area in the new book The POSITIVE Lawyer? Mindset .

Register your interest here or book an initial coaching session

Watch the detailed video that covers both the content of each of the 6 modules and the structure and costs of each of the 4 program options. It’s full of good stuff and does take 15 minutes.

My aim is to inspire you to transform your working life and achieve great things and I look forward to joining you on your journey!