Managing oneself in toxic situations

"Toxic leadership is a destructive cocktail of self-centered attitudes, motivations, and behaviors that wreak havoc on subordinates, the organization, and mission performance. Toxic leaders consistently employ harmful tactics such as manipulation, intimidation, coercion, or unjust punishment to serve their own interests at the expense of others." ??? says Mari Carmen Pizzao. These leaders harm those they lead and poison the entire team and workplace culture. They may appear hardworking and loyal to the organization, but their downfall lies in their skewed priorities. Their focus is primarily on self-promotion, often overshadowing the well-being and growth of their colleagues.

And I got a taste of what this can feel like very early in my career. Let me share what unfolded:

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Insecure leaders and toxicity

I was a young and eager new joiner, excited about making my mark in the corporate world. One day, I bumped into a Senior Vice President in the elevator and took the opportunity to introduce myself. To my surprise, she graciously agreed to meet for coffee to discuss her career journey and share insights about my own. It was a generous gesture, and I was grateful for the chance to learn.

My boss called me into a conference room the next day, visibly upset. The boss scolded me for meeting with the SVP without permission and accused me of trying to outshine a superior.

My eyes welled up with tears as I stammered, "I didn't mean to cause any trouble. I thought it was a good opportunity to learn."

My boss's voice remained harsh, "Well, you should have known better."

Any attempts at explaining what had happened were futile, and the boss calmed down only after I promised never to meet a senior person without keeping the boss in the loop and asking for permission.

This experience left a lasting impression on me, not because of what I had done, but how it was handled. My boss's reaction reduced me, a new hire just six months into the job, to tears. It felt like I had committed a massive crime. I realized my boss's insecurities were showing, which was a toxic situation.

Harmfulness in the workplace can creep in undetected until it's too late, and careers or organizational values are in flames. Such environments, where destructive behaviors, from intimidation to stifling dissent, can cause widespread devastation. The fact that I remember that story as clear as daylight after so many decades tells you the impact it had on me. In my executive coaching clients, I find people sometimes fail to identify the devastating impact toxic leaders can have on them and are not sure how to react or control the situation. It starts telling on their mental health and creating fallouts for their families. The repercussion of toxic bosses or co-workers is not just for the person but the people s/he is connected to. Organizations are not always very responsive to toxic situations, often tolerating toxic personalities in the name of their high performance. Little realising the way it erodes the productivity and well being of the rest of the workforce.

More than identifying the problem, let's try to equip ourselves with tactics to navigate the intricate maze of office dynamics and what should be a first response. How should one handle one's emotions ? Listen to this podcast for these answers and a massively counterintuitive strategy for facing a toxic boss or co-worker.

For practical and tangible insights, tune in to the new episode of the ' Leaders Upgraded podcast" with Pete Havel, A Consultant, Podcaster, and author of "The Arsonist in the Office". We dissect the behaviors that fuel toxicity and explore actionable strategies to craft success and maintain your professional grace under fire.

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