Managing The Internal Emotional Landscape

As leaders we take in a lot of information, manage a lot of complexity, navigate a lot of uncertainty and mitigate a lot of risk. That is a lot of "a lots" and all of it can be emotionally depleting.

Let's talk about emotional patterns under stress. I have personally debriefed 1400 WE-I Profiles from Learning In Action administered to leaders within the healthcare industry over a 10 year period. ?A few interesting themes emerged.

Here is a brief overview of some of the patterns among healthcare leaders. ?

1.??? ?Many healthcare leaders take over-responsibility with a need to react quickly to situations that don’t always require emergent interventions. Quick, immediate responses rarely address complex issues.? Without strong information processing , team engagement and empowered voices at the table, there a diminished chance of executing on a well-designed plan.? Without mindfulness and intention, our emotional patterns don’t always permit that level of insight.?

2.??? The data shows that healthcare leaders are driven by feelings of personal responsibility to “get things done” and have a higher access to shame.? This combination can lead to lack of self-compassion and perfectionism.? Access to other distressing emotions is needed to make more balanced decisions.? For example, access to anxiety motivates leaders to ask for more context.? Anger motivates leaders to hold the team accountable for the structures and processes that have already been determined to improve outcomes.? They would ask people to participate in the problem solving and own their part in finding innovative solutions. Instead, leaders feel responsible for going it alone to get things done and often miss the mark on doing the “right” thing. ?Access to both anxiety and anger are lower in the healthcare data compared to leaders’ access to these emotions in other industries.

Reactive leadership can be a way to avoid having to empathize and join in with the distressing feelings of others. However, the need to "fix" a problem can create a bigger problem and alienate the exact people they are trying to serve.? This approach exhausts everyone.? The quick solution allows the leader feel like they are "doing something." The feeling of “I care and I will take care of it” is an action-oriented response and gives a leader the relief of “getting that complaint off my plate.” ???The “doing for“ leadership approach leads to over-committing, rescuing others and implying others are victims who need rescued, difficulty holding others accountable, and working long hours to please everyone.

?A “being with” approach requires curiosity, openness, trust and most importantly a listening boundary. Leading by “being with” communicates empathy and kindness.? This approach invites a team to co-create long term solutions and sustainable outcomes in response to their challenges.

Taking the time to ask questions, holding space and collaborating on the right steps moving forward, all require leaders to "override" the subconscious emotional patterns of reactivity when challenged.? Their patterns convince them they need to hustle to prove their relevance. ??The hustle makes them believe they must have the right answer. They start to believe they have the right answer for everyone else without allowing themselves to be influenced or curious about what others are really needing and wanting.

Letting the team process how the leader can serve them and allowing them to ask for what they need communicates a belief in their abilities. The reactive leader decides for them out of a desire to give advice, be helpful or create harmony but the premature, all-knowing, reactive decisions do not grow a team or communicate trust.? Parents may know what is best for their children.? That same approach has no place in the work environment.?

Co-creating solutions requires mindfulness, self-awareness, self-regulation, and attunement with others. When the leader is comfortable with dissenting opinions and encourages empowered voices, innovative solutions and sustainable outcomes are more likely.

There is another reason for cultivating a culture of curiosity in the healthcare arena. The WE-I aggregate data shows healthcare leaders are more empathetic than leaders in other industries... not a surprise. The data also shows leaders are less accurate about reading the emotions they are joining in with. Put ten leaders in a room, each misreading the other and getting emotionally triggered without awareness, and the team is set on a trajectory of persistent conflict and mistrust.

There are many variables in the emotional patterns that contribute to "misreading the room" or "missing the point." The best way to mitigate the impact is to be vulnerable enough to share not just what we think and want but also how we are feeling in response to what we hear from others. When Brene Brown made the phrases "the story I make up is..." or "the story I'm telling myself is..." elements of daring and courageous leadership, she was making a call to action for normalizing curiosity and transparency for everyone in the room, thus shedding the "armor."? Seeking clarification from others is communicating that their thoughts, wants and feelings matter.? People are more likely to feel cared for by a leader’s curiosity and understanding than their reactivity.

Cultivating emotional intelligence skills to enhance leadership skills is not a passive pursuit. Those skills require a plan either through self-reflection activities, processing with an executive coach or therapist, or building a network with leaders and mentors who can talk about and role model navigating their own internal emotional landscape. It is uncomfortable. It is awkward. It is necessary. Developing EQ skills requires leaders to learn the language of emotional literacy. It requires courage and an openness to get comfortable in dark spaces.

There is no check box or finish line in masterfully managing what a leader thinks, feels and wants under stress. However, there is return on investment for the leader who persists in self-knowing. Leaders who do their own EQ work build loyalty and commitment from others. They enjoy leading successful, engaged, and innovative teams.? They access wisdom that inspires and encourages everyone around them.

Ideas and resources to consider... even one small, consistent change over time is a great start.

1.??? Take the WE-I Profile assessment. There are many reasons this tool is my go-to coaching tool. It is not a self-report tool, so I find it more accurate at pinpointing everyone's unique pattern. It is a quick way to uncover where the opportunities for leadership ?and create understanding and awareness. What is revealed in a leadership 360 report can be what is "leaking" or not being managed in a leader's internal emotional pattern under stress. People can't manage what they are not aware of. https://learninginaction.mykajabi.com/weiexperience

2.??? Get comfortable with saying these phrases. " I am hearing you say that you think... " "I understand that you are wanting ..." Both of these phrases can be followed by, "What have I missed?" or "Am I understanding you correctly?" to check for clarity and understanding.

3.??? Follow the above questions with, "I'm curious, how are you feeling in regard to our discussion?" or the phrase "How are you feeling in this moment?" The most accurate assessment of someone's emotions is achieved by asking and pausing to let them respond. ?The leader has more "data" to guide decisions and collaboration The questions challenge people to name their feelings. When people name their feelings and they are received with openness, it allows them to emotionally regulate quicker and with more clarity. They see their pattern with insight.

4.??? Entertain the idea that more information and solutions exist outside of one’s own experiences. Yes, leading the team in executing on key initiatives and achieving outcomes are both important. The team's autonomy in co-creating the empowered “how" can keep them from cycling through chaos and resentment created by unregulated reactivity. An intentional plan to incorporate curiosity into standard leadership practices is key to shifting the culture to collaboration and inspiration. Team meetings, employee rounding and structured one-on-ones with the intention to remain curious are places to start. Curiosity creates psychological safety and engagement. Where are those opportunities to hardwire curiosity in the corporate space or healthcare arena? See what ??Scott Shigeoka has written about curiosity in his book * Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform ?Your Life and Change The World https://www.amazon.com/Seek-Curiosity-Transform-Change-World/dp/153874080X ? In a study researching the VIA Character Strengths associated with aspects of well-being, curiosity was significantly correlated to positive affect, love of learning and purpose in life. Harzer, C. (2016). The eudaimonics of human strengths: The relations between character strengths and well-being. In J. Vitterso (Ed.), Handbook of Eudaimonic Well-Being (pp. 307-322). Switzerland: Springer. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-42445-3_20

5.??? Practice Improvisation Skills. These skills serve to enhance communication by forcing leaders to stay open to what people are saying and build on the ideas without blunting the options or closing the dialogue. Leaders learn not to unknowingly back others into a fixed solution too quickly. Improvisation is an exercise in weaving through possibilities and designing generative solutions that leaders can't get to alone. Improv skills will change the way a leader thinks, processes incoming information and communicates with others. It allows for co-creating and innovating without having a fixed solution to see what emerges. ?Try this fun, virtual drop-in improv class with The Outcasters. Remember the discomfort is where the growth happens so if the idea of this is hard, or seems silly, lean in. https://theoutcasters.com/ or for a more formal corporate training about improv and leadership communication, look here. https://yourimprovcoach.com Healthcare leaders... consider the book by Beth Boynton, RN, MS, CP Medical Improv: A New Way to Improve Communication (With 15 activities you can teach STAT! or visit her website. https://bethboynton.com/

6.??? Dare To Lead and Atlas of the Heart are books written by Brene Brown that will guide a leader toward putting emotions in the room that can mitigate resistance to change and innovation. https://brenebrown.com/books-audio/

7.??? Cultivate a journaling practice. Strong leaders managing their internal emotional patterns through self-reflection and journaling. Check out these two articles in Forbes and Harvard Business Review. https://www.forbes.com/sites/lucianapaulise/2023/08/14/the-power-of-journaling-and-why-it-matters-in-your-career/?sh=66ccb5ad69aa https://hbr.org/2017/07/the-more-senior-your-job-title-the-more-you-need-to-keep-a-journal. For a journal directed toward men, watch for the one written by executive coach, Suzann Foerster For updates about the release date, go to www.wisewarriorjournal.com. For deep dive techniques, go to https://intensivejournal.org/

8.??? Share stories of leadership transformation. If a leader can't tell their stories at the very least, they can write them. Leaders will gain clarity about the pattern of their internal emotional landscape through examining their own leadership journey. Check out this LinkedIn article by Netish Sharma https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/narrative-navigator-unveiling-transformative-power-netish-sharma-mt6vc/ or the article by leadership advisor Scott Jancy https://medium.com/@scottjancy/crafting-a-personal-narrative-turning-experiences-into-leadership-advantages-5187e376f681