Managing the hell out of life - part 6
My mad ramblings continue, unabated. Each day, I observe behaviours from myself and others. The more I do, the more I am convinced that we must disrupt the status quo, to find a better way to be. Let's call it out for what it is, an optical illusion that creates standards, no human being can ever possibly hope to attain.
When we can start to see our reality in these terms, the constraints we fear so deeply, start to loosen. We can start to understand that change is not only possible, but necessary, if we are to live any truly meaningful sort of life.
I believe that being the same as everyone else, carrying a label, hiding your vulnerabilities and weaknesses, has a direct and inverse relationship with the growth of humanity.
In other words, if we do not fully 'show up and own up', our ability to grow, to find a better, more meaningful way to live, to connect with our fellow human beings and to create a fairer world for all, becomes much further from our grasp.
This may sound fanciful or far fetched, but it's not. We are living in the most technologically advanced and affluent period of history, yet we are at our unhappiest. Mental health is our new epidemic. Millions of lost people, wondering in search of meaning, purpose and understanding. I would argue the solution is really quite simple. People need to matter, what they do needs to matter and people need people, that's pretty much it.
So, on that note, here is my eclectic collection, of my latest thoughts, to inspire, spark a thought and hopefully, make a positive difference to someone, somewhere today.
Being more than one thing
I'm a nightmare from a marketing perspective - I don't fit into one box, I don't have one message nor one audience. I'm lots of things, to lots of people.
I don't actually want to fit, I genuinely like living outside of, and challenging the status quo. But it's not always easy.
We are surrounded by a narrative that tells us different.
Focus, be clear on your objectives, have a plan, fit in. It we allow it, that narrative can become deafening and we get lost - we stop listening to our own voice, indeed, we no longer believe that we have one.
So, it's important to dilute that narrative, ensure you the have space to hear yourself, spend time with others who empower you to speak your truth, without judgement or prejudice, but most importantly own your reality, don't be an extra in some one else's.
Over the last 2 days, I've re-designed my daughters bedroom, attended a communications strategy course, developed some new thought leadership on sustainable organisational models, written an article on parenting and just recorded a vlog on the menopause.
We are all lots of things and that's ok - let's not loose our richness, by forcing ourselves into spaces, that we just do not fit into.
Live your life your way. Follow your path not that of the pack.
The menopause - let's change the narrative
The menopause, for better or worse, will come to all women in a variety of shapes and sizes.
It’s life changing for some, less so for others.
It’s physical and mental.
It’s a transition from who we’ve been, to who we will be. It can be scary, physically painfully and mentally challenging. But it doesn’t have to be like that.
The transition can simply be part of our journey, to our next adventure. But in order to help women embrace this perspective, we need to ‘up our game’ in terms of the medical diagnosis and support and also change the narrative, we as a society, have put around it.
What’s wrong with ageing? What’s wrong with wrinkles? What’s wrong with middle age spread? What’s wrong with simplifying and re-prioritising your life?
Are we so superficial, that we only see beauty through the physical traits of youth?
What about life experience, wisdom, self acceptance and the freedom to focus our time and energy on wider interests and new priorities.
Life is constant change - let’s embrace it as an adventure, to be lived in the moment, not feared for its end, else we will arrive at the end, simply not having lived.
Today is the day, for you to be whoever you are meant to be.
My vlog on the menopause can be found at: https://youtu.be/oY887PtjfaA
The danger of a single story
Judging others on a single story, a single perspective, a single incident, is one of the greatest risks to any meaningful human connection.
A lack of meaningful human connection is one off the biggest threats to our mental and emotional well being.
A loss of our mental and emotional well being is guaranteed to limit lives, potential and ultimately, growth in humanity.
See how quickly judgement can lead to something far more serious.
Please think before you think.
Being the best versus doing the best
There is a massive difference between 'being the best' and 'doing the best'.
I've spent a serious amount of my life trying to 'be the best'.
It's exhausting, de-motivating and soul destroying.
It's exhausting because you always have to be ahead of others - that's impossible, because no one has a monopoly on creativity.
It's de-motivating, because every time your reach your goals, new ones are set.
It's soul destroying, because you are feeding an insatiable ego, only for individual gain and it's lonely, as you have to wear armour, to stop others from seeing your vulnerability, lest they take advantage of it. The upshot is, you never truly connect with anyone, in a meaningful way.
On the other hand, I have leant that 'doing the best', is invigorating, joyful and makes my heart sing.
It's invigorating because it gives me a sense of purpose, greater than myself.
It's joyful because I get to make someone else's life better, in some way.
It makes my heart sing, because my whole being is embraced, warts and all, I do not have to wear armour, therefore I can truly connect with people and I get to create my own reality, based on my strengths, rather than being penalised for my weaknesses.
If you want to truly find yourself, then do the best rather than be the best.
Don't get stolen
I am what I choose to be.
I choose to be kind. I choose to be honest.
I choose to be brave.
I am not what others think of me or think I should be.
And neither are you.
You are who you choose to be - nobody gets to take that freedom away from you.
Please don’t let yourself get stolen.
Open arms not judgemental minds
It’s easy to judge others when things are going well for you. But judgement leads to prejudice, barriers and a lack of understanding.
So what happens when things do not go well for you? You hide it because your afraid of judgement and what people will think.
It’s a circular situation right?
So, please don’t judge because until you have walked in the shoes of others, you do not truly understand the one simple truth, we can all miss - they may simply be doing the best they can, given the circumstances they are presented with.
Life is messy, sh*t happens and you never know when that might be your world.
Bad things can happen to good people.
Let’s be there for each other with open arms not a judgemental mind.
A lesson about wearing armour.
It was performance review time. I had been allocated a new mentor - the result of a rushed M&A, he didn't know me nor did he want to.
He came out of the review process and presented me with an average rating, no bonus and no shot at promotion - despite going in with outstanding feedback.
This was the first time in my career that I had not received a top rating. To say I was gutted was an understatement. Another mentor, who knew me well, took over to rectify things.
The next year I got the top rating, a bonus and a shot at promotion.
But I was bitter with a dented ego. I didn't get that promotion - not because I wasn't good enough, but because I was arrogant and because the people making the decisions were not in the arena with me.
I felt I was owed the promotion, for the cock-up the previous year. I left that organisation.
All of the bad decisions, in my life have been about 3 things:
- A sense of entitlement - I have earned this.
- An over-inflated ego - I am more than good enough for this.
- A lack of humility - I should have this.
Behind the armour, I was hurt - my hard work had been ignored and I felt under-valued.
I wasn’t in a psychologically safe environment to understand or admit this.
As a consequence, we all lost out.
It's your reality
Define your own reality.
Stand tall as you.
Help others as you.
Redefine our world as you.
Whether at an individual, collective or organisational level, transformation happens everyday.
Let’s do it for the right reasons.
Let’s engage our hearts, minds and souls in the process.
Let’s drive it from a place of authenticity, care and meaning.
Let’s use it to define a reality not yet created, which works better than the one we have now.
Let’s make it count by making others count.
Let’s be ourselves collectively, embracing the strengths of our differences.
Let’s live with the courage to believe in ourselves, without needing to crush others in order to do so.
One of the truest sayings ever ‘united we stand, divided we fall’.
Would you like to live a life of unfulfilled potential and a relentless ache to do more or come with me and change the world by accepting ourselves?
Every one of us counts - our thoughts and actions matter. We are all capable of creating change, for the better, one step at a time. You just need to take that step.
Today is as good as it gets.
Remember the future is now.
My constitution
The definition of a constitution:
‘a body of fundamental principles or established precedents according to which a state or other organisation is acknowledged to be governed.’
Here is my personal constitution, to help navigate this mad thing called life.
1. Having a family and career, they are not mutually incompatible but I have purposely put family first, otherwise what is it all for?
2. Earning money and being socially responsible. 'But for the grace of god go I.' Never miss an opportunity to help someone less fortunate than you. What is the point of money if it makes us forget our humanity?
3. Being logical and sensitive. Using your brain to solve a problem does not absolve us from caring about how others feel - without compassion what sets us apart from a robot?
4. Respecting rules but challenging them when required. 'All it takes for evil to prosper is for a few good men to do nothing’, need I say more?
5. Inspiring others to feel good about themselves but not to feed your ego. Helping others is food to our souls. Ego is a dangerous and judgemental friend, bin him/her.
6. Give rather than take. It does not matter if this is a 'one way' street. What matters is your humanity and kindness.
At the end of the day it’s our conscience we answer to not anyone else.
And finally, if you forget everything else, please remember this:
“The people who are most successful are those who are doing what they love” Warren Buffet