Managing frustrations

How to deal with your mind when frustrated

Reading time: 3min. - Read online

Frustration: emotional response to a dissonance between what is happening (the reality), and what you wanted (your vision).

Examples:

• having to repeat important things to your team members multiple times
• having to constantly remind people of what you do to sell your product
• having to pivot due to external events
• not reaching a goal
• watching yourself not do something because you lack self-confidence

This week, I want to address one of the elephant in the room:

Leading and running a business comes with frustrations, and some days it really sucks.

Let’s explore how you can deal with your mind in these moments.

As always, I appreciate you for reading,

Orianne

Frustration: a thorn in your mind

Normalize the frustrations of your role

Yes, I said it, frustration sucks, and sometimes leading a team, or running your own business makes you want to bang your head against a wall.

Frustration is most of the time unpleasant and generates, based on the individual, different feelings, that are simply not nice to feel.

Normalize that your role comes with a fair share of frustration and unpleasant, uncomfortable situations. It’s normal to feel frustrated, it’s a universal emotion, it does not make you bad at what you do.

I talk to many leaders, business owners, (and parents for that matter) who feel shame around their frustration. We got into the habit of downplaying frustration, blaming the person experiencing it, or simply pretending it does not exist.

That’s why it’s nice to be among peers (or read this edition), you share the same frustration and feel normal for experiencing it.

When it happens, acknowledge it

Acknowledge the frustration and for a moment, accept to sit in the discomfort of it, instead of trying to turn it into a positive, or disregard it.

I’m a half-full-glass type of gal, yet I think we too often, try to turn unpleasant situations into something ‘positive’ to avoid the discomfort of it.

Why it’s bad: when we try to make something positive out of something that we perceive as negative 99% of the time, it makes us feel inadequate.

If you tell me “Don’t be sad”, when I am sad, I’m gonna feel stupid or angry on top of sad. You may have a different response to someone telling you how to feel, but overall we can agree, it doesn’t improve the situation.

So please, don’t be the one who doesn’t allow you to feel how you feel. Acknowledging the feelings is what helps you move on.

But I don’t want to feel frustrated

Yes, you also don’t want things to be as they are. You had something else in mind, and it’s creating frustration. So, what do you think happens when you, again, refuse what is going on?

By not wanting to feel frustrated you manufacture more frustration. We deepen the gap between what’s happening and what we want.

So what should you do instead?

Be disciplined with your mind, then take action.

Here’s the thing, frustration ain’t the problem. When you are frustrated, it’s an emotion, indicating a dissonance, it’s normal, it will pass.

What generates the most discomfort is the resistance to the feelings we associate with frustration.

Something happens, we experience frustration, it triggers a vast array of feelings, that are different for every individual. The feelings are unpleasant, we try to ignore them, they grow bigger, we go down mind rabbit holes.

One frustration turns into this big monster we don’t know how to deal with.

So you have to be disciplined and stop the thought train before it turns into a monster. Then, with a quiet and clear mind, you take action.

Last week I talked about how we can dissociate from our thoughts, using imposter syndrome as an example. The same process applies here. Frustrated- you has something to say and feels a lot of things because of it. Let it talk, but be firm on what you decide to keep from that inner conversation.

It will clear your mind, and you can move on.

One nudge for you

Next time you experience frustration, use the following protocol for your mind.

1 - Observe the feelings arising from frustration. Does it make you feel helpless, incompetent, angry…?

2 - Acknowledge the process, ideally by writing.

_____ happened when what I wanted was ________, so naturally, I am frustrated. This frustration generates ______, _______, ______ (put your feelings here).

3 - Ask yourself, what do I need? Maybe it’s some air, maybe you need to bluntly write in a journal everything you’re feeling, meditate, rant to a friend or mentor… Whatever you need, create that space to process and let go.

4 - Move on (meaning no dwelling). Now that you have processed what happened, and your feelings, be extremely disciplined with your mind. If the frustration keeps coming back, redo the protocol, there is likely a feeling that you have not processed.

5 - Take action if appropriate

Subscribe

If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

A bit more about me: I am a mindset coach. I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach, and always read several books at the same time (currently The 10th Insight by James Redfield, & Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab).

If you enjoyed this newsletter, you can read the previous editions and subscribe here. If you’re ready for coaching you can book an intro call.