Step 1: Managing Feedback Like a Pro: Don't Take It Personally

One of the biggest challenges I face when receiving feedback is separating the information from the emotions it triggers in me. It’s natural to feel defensive, especially if you’ve invested time and effort into your work. But taking feedback personally creates a barrier to growth, and it did for me for much of my career.

As I strive for perfection (and yes, I know this is impossible but tell that to my emotions!), my actions, when called into question, immediately make me angry and defensive. I’ve learned to shift my mindset over time, seeing feedback as a tool to sharpen my skills rather than as a critique of who I am. This is easier said than done, but it is achievable with practice and self-awareness.

For example, I remember a time early in my career when a manager told me that I needed to be clearer in my written communication. Instead of focusing on the helpful nature of the feedback, I immediately felt attacked and undermined; certain that they were wrong and my communication was right! My defensiveness led me to dismiss the feedback and continue as before. It wasn’t until I faced the same feedback from a few other colleagues that I began to recognize a pattern. I was wrong and after many altercations, I realized that my emotional reaction was blocking me from learning an essential skill that could help me grow. (This is called being stubborn and bullheaded, I think ; )

When receiving feedback, it’s important to listen with an open mind and focus on the message, not the delivery.

Everyone has a different communication style, and while feedback isn’t always delivered in the most pleasant way, the insights are often valuable. Responding calmly, even when you don’t feel like it, and asking for clarification shows maturity and a willingness to improve, which enhances your professional image.

The best part about this? You can act this way without feeling it inside. I repeat, You can act this way without feeling it inside.

With self-discipline, you can learn to override your emotions and accept the words at face value. I call this practice 'fleeing evil.' Instead of letting the defensive, destructive and potenially 'evil' version of myself react in the moment, I remove myself from the environment as soon as possible. Once alone, I allow myself to feel the honest emotions—anger, frustration, sadness—without judgment. This creates space to process feelings privately before they turn into poor behaviors publicly.

Let’s say you're in a meeting, and your project manager points out that your last report lacked depth. Instead of lashing out or withdrawing, you could calmly ask for clarification: “Can you explain which sections were too general? I want to understand how I can improve.” This response not only demonstrates your openness but also signals that you're committed to growing from the experience. Later, you can take time to process the emotions it stirred without letting them derail your professional demeanor.

Shifting your perspective from feeling attacked to viewing feedback as an opportunity for growth is a powerful transformation. And, when the feedback you recieved was inaccurate, which is bound to happen sometimes, you have still acted professionally, not burned any bridges and can let the truth of the situation speak for itself. Win-win!

But learning how to do this is just the beginning. Once you’ve mastered the ability to take feedback without letting it impact your emotions, the next step is turning that feedback into specific, actionable steps that will truly make a difference in your performance.

Next week, I’ll share how I continue to break down feedback into actionable improvement points—and how you can do the same to drive your own career growth.

-The Feisty PM