Managing Expectations in Divorce Matters

Why do some divorce cases go "nuclear" while others are relatively amicable?  Why do some cases seem to last forever while others are resolved quickly -- and relatively inexpensively?

Often, the clues to these mysteries can be found in the psychological and strategic framework of each party in the earliest days of the break-up.  The clients with the best outcomes usually have realistic expectations, and they hire lawyers that encourage resolution and compromise, not conflict.  The clients with the worst outcomes often have unresolved anger and unrealistic expectations. To make matters worse, they hire lawyers that exacerbate the conflict and drive up costs.  (These are the same clients that blame their ex, their lawyers, the judge, the forensic accountant, and the "system" for the outcome. They almost never accept responsibility.)  The fallout from  litigation in family law can be significant. It affects the couple. It also affects their children, their finances and their future wellbeing. 

Consider this case study:  I am Lawyer A, representing Client A.  On the opposing side, we have Client B, represented by Lawyer B. The case is still out of court.  The parties are upset and the wounds are fresh from the marital discord.

I meet with Client A. From the outset, I encourage her to think of ways to improve communication with her ex, especially regarding the children and their needs. I recommend ways to resolve disputes over the parenting schedule and household bills. I respond to opposing counsel promptly and confirm details regarding the case to deescalate and diffuse tensions. I make it clear that we will cooperate as much as possible to minimize delays and costs.  Client A now expects issues in the case to get resolved as the case moves forward. Client A's life also moves forward. The anger dissipates. Despite a few setbacks which are overcome, an amicable resolution of all issues slowly takes shape over the ensuing weeks and months.

Client A is lucky, her ex (Client B) has hired a like-minded lawyer who emphasizes collaboration and resolution of issues.  The expectations of both parties are realistic, because both lawyers are coaching them to make compromises and move forward towards resolution. The case stays out of Court and expenses, stress, and animosity are kept to a minimum. Voila! A relatively amicable settlement.

Now let's look at the opposite scenario. Client A hires Lawyer Z.  Lawyer Z does not like to settle cases out of Court. In fact, Lawyer Z promotes conflict. He promises Client A everything on her wish list. He tells her that litigation and motions to the Court will accomplish those goals.  Lawyer Z does not return calls or emails to the other lawyer.  (How can he? He is in Court all day long.) He subpoenas every bank account and makes aggressive (but unreasonable) claims in the case. Client A is now riled up and angry. Her frustrations mount with every exchange with her ex.  Legal bills pile up with each passing month. There are lengthy delays in the proceedings.  There is no way out but an expensive hearing or trial.  There is no expectation to settle, only to litigate.  The Lawyer makes sure of this.  The Client feels helpless and anxious.

How lawyers manage expectations during divorce proceedings will largely determine the type of case the Client has. A case that is resolved (in whole or part) has better outcomes for the client, the children, and the future of the family.  Expectations dictate the direction and quality of the Client's life. When expectations are poorly managed, negative emotions emerge. These emotions further destroy the communication between the parties, which of course affects the children. The damage can be irreparable and lifelong.

Divorce cases, even the amicable ones, take a long time.  Many cases, especially high net worth cases, do require court involvement, to value assets or obtain expert appraisals. Often, the most sensible and cost effective strategy is "Dual Track":  seek resolution from the very outset, while at the same time, being prepared to litigate if necessary.  It is almost never too late to change course and to change strategy. Clients must take responsibility for the decisions they make and the type of lawyers they hire. Above all, client must be realistic about expectations and outcomes and be part of the resolution process.

For more information, visit:  lawjaw.com.