Managing with Empathy

After many weeks focused on coaching, I am returning to a reflection on events of last week.

I had the opportunity to take part in the second annual Ontario First Responders' Mental Health Conference. I was there because we at Wounded Warriors Canada (an organization of which I am Vice-Chair) hosted the conference in conjunction with Trillium Health Partners.

The conference sold out very quickly, with over three hundred people on the waiting list. I mention that because it reflects the state of mental wellness in the first responder community in Ontario, and the large number of people invested and interested in learning how better to support mental health within this space. Participants came to hear the latest techniques in battling the tough fight for First Responders and uniformed services in general.

There is a common thread amongst police, fire, EMS, corrections, and the military that trauma has a huge impact on mental well-being and not just physical wellness.

One of the keynote speakers was Commissioner Tom Carrique, Commissioner of the Ontario Provincial Police. He told a personal anecdote about a circumstance that impacts all leaders, whether First Responders or not. His story related how one of his team had lost his four-year-old child. When he asked the immediate supervisor if he should reach out, he was told "no", and that the constable was working through it. It wasn't until the constable's wife called him out that the realization dawned on him.

His story hit home for me as a reminder of all the times, as a leader, I had waited and not engaged someone who was obviously in distress from losing a job, a loved one, or experiencing any form of personal anguish. It got me to think about how we, as leaders, need to be courageous and take the risk of initially alienating someone by engaging them at that awkward time.

At its root, it is really about leaders engaging with their people, stepping out of their comfort zone, and being very real and human with them. It is about taking the risk where it hangs in the balance. It is about living with being comfortable in our discomfort, stepping outside of ourselves to be there for others, no matter how shy we may be.

The corollary to this is something I wrote about in my book, and that is the phenomenon of "sanctuary trauma," where First Responders face trauma one moment but then expect sanctuary in the workplace only to find that they are ignored, overlooked and forgotten by their leaders.

You don't have to face trauma to be traumatized by being overlooked or forgotten by your leaders. As people live in a hybrid work environment, the chance of being overlooked gets much stronger and, if you add to that leadership who are cautious or shy to engage, that creates a very negative work environment.

You also don’t have to wait for an “event” to check in with your people and take their mental temperature. Psychological safety in the workplace is just as important as physical safety. Empathy increases trust, communication, and a sense of worth. We are all human, and we need connection with others. As a leader, you don't have to be a psychologist to figure out what to do. What would be good for you? What would you prefer from your boss? It is often very much the same for others.

Sure, the moment may not be exactly right, but over time, your people will appreciate that you treated them fairly and cared for them. It is far better than them thinking that you don't care at all.

Hopefully, this has given you food for thought. I will take a break this week because I will be at the Humanity 2.0 conference in the Vatican to learn how humanity can flourish. Watch this space in two weeks, and you will get my insights from that event.