Managing Emotions and Maintaining Influence During Challenging Times: An Authentic Leadership Guide for Leaders (4 of 7)

4. Encourage a “Pause Before Responding” Culture

Why it Matters: Quick responses in challenging moments can lead to misunderstandings or conflicts. A “pause before responding” approach helps create space for empathy and understanding.

In step 1 of this series, I wrote on the importance of Pause and Processing as the leader, but here I want to share more with you on how you can create a culture of “Pause before Responding”. But before I go there, a fun story about how my wife and I created this in our marriage.

Growing up, we both had our own experiences when it came to handling challenges and conflict. We saw conflict handled in many different ways, some of which we made our own process and when we entered marriage, we found that our methods varied greatly. It was in those moments that we realized, we needed a better approach to challenging moments, that allowed for both of us to feel heard, valued, and understood.?

We tried a few different ways to start that matched our personalities, for instance, if you were truly mad and were refusing to calm down, you had to put your hands in the other person's armpits, and then share your perspective. ??

Let’s just say, that it didn’t take long before we were laughing…and connecting and able to listen to each other truly. Now I know that is not what one would do in a work setting, but what came next was truly a breakthrough for us. We moved on from that approach, thank goodness, and began using the Pause before Responding approach, by giving each other 5 minutes to process things before coming back together to share.?

It was in those 5 minutes, that you were not talking with the other person, but rather you were gathering your thoughts, running through and validating your emotions…or rejecting them, practicing forgiveness and more. This changed everything. I had thought that once offended, hurt, etc I had to speak up immediately, defend my honor or perspective, and was usually out of control, but now I had enough of a pause to allow me to process, come back to logical reasoning, and be fully present, which was key to successfully resolving conflict…and this was something we did and do our best, even today to show our kids and our teams….and it works.?

So what might this look like if you were to create a culture of pause before responding?

1. Model Reflective Responses

• As the leader, you set the tone. Begin by modeling the habit of taking a moment before responding, especially in high-stakes or emotionally charged situations. This might look like briefly closing your eyes, taking a deep breath, or saying, “Let me take a moment to consider that.” Over time, your team will observe this behavior and may start to emulate it. Remember, more is caught than taught when it comes to behavioral changes. You must model your expectations if you expect lasting change.
• Reinforce the approach in your interactions by encouraging team members to do the same, making it a normal, accepted part of the communication process.

2. Implement Structured Reflection Practices

• Introduce frameworks like the “Pause, Reflect, Respond” technique or a “5-minute Rule” to encourage everyone to pause before reacting. Providing a clear process can make it easier for team members to adopt the habit.
• Consider adding regular debriefs where you discuss responses and outcomes. By reflecting on communication after the fact, team members learn the impact of their responses and gain insights into when a pause could have been helpful.

3. Encourage a Safe Space for Pausing

• Emphasize that pausing is a sign of respect and thoughtfulness, not indecisiveness. This helps create an environment where team members feel comfortable taking a moment to respond thoughtfully, without fear of being perceived as unsure.
• Encourage team members to ask for a moment if they need it, by normalizing language like, “Can I have a second to process?” and “I’d like to think this over and get back to you.” This supports a culture where pausing is encouraged and respected.

? What are some ways that you have found to help yourself or your team, pause before responding.?

One other tip to consider during challenging times.?

Use the PEACE approach: Pause, Empathize, Ask Questions, Clarify, and Engage Constructively. Remind your team that sometimes the best initial response is to listen, allowing others to share their thoughts fully before jumping in with solutions. If you would like a copy of my free ebook on Workplace Conflict Solved, check the link in the comments.

Okay, that was step 4 of 7, in step 5, I’ll share how fostering gratitude and recognition can create lasting, positive change in your workplace.

Lead on!!!